As I reread my posts, I realized the last one over six months ago, I left hanging and failed to update some things like, did we move? And did we still have a home? The thing is, we were hanging by a thread with no clear path. And then, my husband managed to obtain a position. That was so God. That we had no answers and miracle upon miracles, I mentioned before that God is never late and He’s always, always on time. And God provided just when my husband’s unemployment ran out. The position was not what I would call ideal because of the graveyard hours and the part of town where one of the work-sites was located, but it was legal, paid the bills and ensured we could remain in our home.
And then another answer to prayer… Earlier in the year, my husband applied for a sales position, but never heard from the company again after they initially called. Then, months later in late October, he finally heard from them again. He interviewed, was offered a job and started the second week of November. The timing of that additional answer to prayer was incredible. The graveyard position he worked ensured a crappy sleep schedule in addition to requiring that he remain on his feet the entire shift. My husband had injured his knee playing soccer a couple of years ago and even after surgery, his mobility never returned to what it once was, so being on his feet nonstop, even with decent shoes, was taking it’s tole. His increasing knee pain and lack of sleep were making him weary and he mentioned filing for disability. And right after that, he got the call to interview with the company where he works currently. God’s timing is perfect. And because it is not a regionally based sales position, he should be able to take the job with him when we’re hoping to move north next spring. Yay!
With each challenge, God has provided, but I like to have my plans and to-do lists mapped-out ahead of time and with great specificity, so this waiting for answers process has been brutal on my psyche because of that whole inner-control-freak issue that I battle with for dominance consistently. More than anything through this process of waiting to plan, God keeps telling me, “Not now, Jenn.” And yet, here I am continuing to attempt to control things. I have this perception that God must shake his head as he looks at me, “There Jenn goes again and why doesn’t she just rest in My peace? She’d be a lot more comfortable. That girl is a walking panic-attack.” As hard as I try to just let God be God, I feel I must prepare and think ahead. And what that says is that I don’t trust God to take care of things so I’m going to take care of it myself.
I get it. I really do and this year has been such a massive challenge for my faith. I had written about my experience years ago as I prayed for, hoped and waited for healing and my current set of circumstances is similar in that I MUST WAIT. In my head, I keep hearing the childhood song, “He’s got the whole world in his hands, he’s got the whole world in his hands…” and I’ve gained some much-needed comfort from reciting those words as I’ve found myself doubting if God can handle this. Shame on me for even questioning him because I’ve seen and experienced the blessing of God’s healing power, his healing in my marriage, his ongoing provision for family and friends and yet I still have the audacity to question him. Really, Lord? Can you handle getting us back to Washington? And as I replay those song lyrics in my head, I get a resounding, “Yes. Now be still!” I am an ongoing work in progress and I’m prayerful that one of these days soon, the relationship I once had with my Creator will get back to where it was. Back then, I was consistently at peace with everything instead of allowing the inconsequential crap of life to provide interference…
Joseph and Mary had less than ideal surroundings as they journeyed to Bethlehem on a donkey while she was pregnant only to give birth in a stable, but it was fine, as the Lord provided what they needed and as He kept them safe and protected. Neither of them obtained a memo about Gods’s plan and the simplicity of God bringing the savior of the world to a manger causes me shame and I’m embarrassed of my lofty expectations. Who am I? Thank you, Lord for the gift of your Son and for keeping things in perspective.
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