crusaderjennblog

Competitive swimming from grade school through part of college – think hundreds of laps daily and nearly Olympic trials level fast – not slowly floating across the pool on a noodle (that many sadly call ‘swimming,’) piano, flute, 4-H-sewing and cooking and finally Jazz dance, which would be close to the equivalent of today’s hip-hop genre, were my extra-curricular activities growing up.  I had just turned 8 or 9 when I completed the Red Cross certified swimming courses and my stay-at-home Mom was desperate to enroll me in something that would keep me out of trouble  busy so she spoke to my final instructor who was also a coach with the swim team newbies and suggested I try-out for the local club.  I immediately took to competitive swimming, which required little time to learn backward and forward flip-turns so I could keep up with the circle of other swimmers at my level.  My parent’s ongoing joke was that I was born with webbed feet.  So seriously, Mom & Dad, with the umpteen number number of hours in the pool each week, was there even the slightest possibility that I wasn’t?

Swimming continues to be one of my favorite activities and ‘back-in-the-day’ I became somewhat of an aquatics guru within my family, who looked to me to life-guard cousin’s birthday related pool-parties and instruct the how-to’s of swimming and water-skiing to my little sister and younger cousins.  In college I continued to swim with the early morning Masters team.  Many years later when we moved to Nevada, we noticed many homes have pools and when we bought our home a few years ago, we were very excited to have our own.  From mid-spring through late-summer, the outdoor temperatures maintain around 103 and as it’s too expensive to run air conditioning full-time.  Therefore, the pool provides a perfect relief to cooling-down my core.  MS has altered my body’s ability to self-regulate my core so when I become warm, I’m technically overheated, making our pool’s cool temperature a tremendous source of relief and blessing with those high outdoor temperatures for 6 months.  Other than swimming during the hot temperatures, I’m embarrassed to admit I do very little any more.

Obviously, I had the ability to commit long-term to activities while growing-up, but because of MS and what it’s taken from me, my interests are really all over the map.  I think my abilities prior to MS taking me backward have unfortunately dictated what I can or cannot do.  I was never a quitter and I have my folks to thank for instilling in me a stick-to-it attitude, but there have been several activities that I began and quit because of MS ‘issues.’  For example, I discovered and indulged my love for stamping cards and book marks, but when the tremors ataxia started where my hands shook badly, it became impossible to accurately place rubber stamps.  This caused what I had hoped to call ‘artistic creations’ to become somewhat of a mess, resembling over-priced pieces of abstract art, at which point, my neurologist gave me yet another MS related symptom-chasing drug to lessen the shaking, which helped, but at a sacrifice because of the cocktail of drugs.  I was rarely coherent appearing somewhat of a zombie with my glazed-over eyes.  And I quit stamping.  However, I could make a mean martini – shaken, not stirred became my joke because “If I can’t laugh, I may cry,” and I really try to limit that tissue-requiring activity.  I also tried my hand at becoming an independent beauty consultant for a big corporation (whose reps are rewarded with pink cars), but eye-make up was a joke to apply because of that whole fine-motor-skills lacking hand stability.  Then, I became a cooking rep for a company that specialized in quick mixes to create tasty dishes.  Although I had fun and was successful, that was also short-lived when I had to give-up driving.  My attitude was that as much as I still wanted my ‘right’ to be independent to drive, other cars/pedestrians had the right to be safe when my increasing foot/leg ataxia became hazardous to controlling the correct pedals.  And I quit driving.

2015 will mark 10 years ago that God provided healing and pulled me from my wheelchair, but I have nothing to show for it, except several activities in which I invested, only to quit.  Beading was another post-wheelchair favorite, but short-lived activity as I attended bead-shows and then created beautiful bracelets and earrings.  At the same time I came from the wheelchair, I quit the the numerous symptom-chasing prescription drugs because I was tired of feeling like the undead.   Although I was lucid, my hand stability was only achieved after a couple of glasses of wine. That became somewhat of a big discovery.  I could be a creative, but functioning drunk or a non-lucid undead human…  That was an obvious choice.  I have continually returned to writing and I made a goal 10 years ago to write my encouraging story, but I lost my inspiration.  Writing has been a passion since grade-school, but in junior high there was an adult and best friend who ganged-up on me to tell me that I was wasting my time at which point , I guess I gave-up on it, although I would still scribble-out ideas and write creatively, from time to time.  That was very much ‘my bad’ for giving into believing their discouragement and I’ve learned to ignore those voices or mentally give the middle finger salute to those inner voices who say I can’t or that I’m wasting my time.

I realize that I must continue to actively learn something – anything productive.  I did online courses a couple of years ago in which I discovered I’m completely left-brained.  Thank you, Dad, who is an engineer.  It feels great to be learning and I’ve tossed around the idea of learning to use a knitting loom as it doesn’t require fine-motor-skills.  I may also again attempt to bead or stamp as my ataxia seems to be becoming less of an issue…  Praise God because martini-making provides a very limited skill-set.  I’ll keep you posted on what activity has gained my attention…

Jenn