I woke in the middle of Friday night to a very loud crash and shot out of bed when I noticed my husband wasn’t next to me. I ran to the bathroom and said B’s name. “Are you alright, Sweetheart?” There was no response and I turned on the light. He was on the floor. His forehead was bleeding. He had passed out and came-to as I was talking to him. The situation was terrifying. I asked him what was going on, if he had a stomach ache? Should I call 9-1-1? He was sweating profusely. He said no to calling, but he wanted needed to get back in bed as he was dizzy and very disoriented. B is several inches taller and heavier, but I tried to help B stand-up the best I could and as it appeared he made progress in his steps. I reached to push the bathroom door out of the way and B fell again with another crash. What was going on? Something was clearly very wrong and my mind began racing with “what ifs?”
B was again unreceptive to me calling 9-1-1 as he had no thoughts that his life was in jeopardy, but asked me to start taking notes about how he felt because we’d probably need those later. I got my tablet, opened the appropriate App and started typing short-hand as fast as I could. B shared what types of symtoms started when and I sought a second opinion from that handy web-based MD App, plugged in symptoms and coincidentally, the App agreed with my own assessment. The thing is, I really say that the App agreed with moi, tongue-in-cheek because neither B, nor I are medical professionals.
I shared the other day that I’m back to white-knuckling everything… And then this situation with my wonderful husband’s health at stake, just about sent me over the edge. Why? Currently, we have custody of a growing 6-month-old baby, whom we hope to adopt in the coming months, although I’ve been clear with B that I’m fine with her being here as long as he remains healthy because I am terrified to be a single parent. Terrified. We’re also actively pursuing application approval for me to receive a fairly new FDA approved MS therapy that has the potential to repair much of what MS took from me many years ago and then add-in all the other nagging, problematic issues of my our life and I’m a clear-cut case for a nervous breakdown. About a year ago, I started having somewhat regular panic attacks when my/our circumstances or coming events become overwhelming. I had my first panic attack last fall before B took me to the airport to visit my family, another one when we gained custody of our foster baby – give me some grace as we’d never had children, another panic attack when our baby’s drug-dependent mom accosted me in early spring and each week thereafter for the next few months until I finally came to realization that God’s angels surrounded me and baby D when her mom got in my face, then the start of another attack as I fretted about B the other night as I watched him go back to sleep, worrying.
I’m so glad my husband is willing to go to the doctor when things are not right. First thing Saturday morning, he went to do a walk-in and was seen almost immediately. He said the PA did a full exam and shared her assessment, but that he’d need a CT scan Monday morning to get pictures of the condition she suspected. But with insurance, the CT scan copay would be $1100 and B said, “No.” So he’s been telling me because we don’t have that available, there must be another answer. And B also keeps telling me that instead of it being about his health, perhaps it’s entirely about ME and my need to put my faith into trusting God and resting in him instead of burdening myself with worrying about things over which I have no control. B has three goose eggs where his head hit the tile and he’s confident he didn’t get concussed, but all things considered, I think the gooseeggs are minor in the grand scheme.
Our pets are so at-ease about everything. I mean, they’re intuitive and seek to comfort when one of us is not well, but they don’t wring their paws with worry. Dear God, thank you for my husband and thank you for protecting him when he fell. Thank you also that this situation was not worse and please help me in my faith. And please help me to be like our pets and be at peace, Lord trusting and being at peace in you as they trust in us.
Have you had a similar situation with your spouse? How did you prepare or deal with this type of situation when you were in it or after the fact?
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