And in mid-February, when we were given custody of a precious seven point something baby, I swore to B and everyone else that I could easily care for and do this #foster-parenting thing without falling in love because Baby Girl would be with us only a couple of months. Which wasn’t enough time to #fallinlovewithbaby I didn’t birth. Right? And besides, it’s plenty of time for Baby-Girl’s mom to make-up her mind to get her act together and get her baby back because she can’t stand that someone else is loving and raising her daughter. Right? Right. How cocky? Ignorant? Ridiculous? All of the above, was I to think I had it all figured out.
How could I be so naive in thinking being home with her all day, every day, to take care of and provide for her needs and with each task look into her gorgeous eyes to smile at her, hold bottles for her, change diapers and tell her sweet-things about herself, like how beautiful and precious she is many times each day, would not allow us to bond? #mommybabybonding Right? Right. Come on, Jenn! Everyone, please do me a favor and do not let me pass “Go” or collect $200 because I was an imbecile for thinking the way I did. But, I really did believe what I believed, that I could do this without becoming emotional or attached. Step-aside #Girl-Wonder. I was successful in referring to myself as Miss Jenn for a few months(what the two and three olds called me) when B and I taught Sunday School and how those munchkins in our little class referred to me. But then Mother’s Day arrived and B said, “You know you’re Mommy to her, Jenn.” And I was like, “Um, no, we’re waiting for a boy so I can’t be mommy until we get him.” But then recognition dawned on me with B’s words and I finally got it. That for our baby girl, I am Mom.
Those snapshots with which God provided for me more than 18 months ago, urged B and I to #pray and later go through the licensing process of becoming foster-parents to adopt a little boy. Except I tawt I saw #Tweety Bird, thought I saw, assumed based on the limited snap-shots, that I really envisioned a little boy. With those repetitive snapshots of me with a child, B with the same faceless child and us with the same curly-haired, but faceless lighter-skinned child, I kept seeing a faceless three or four-year-old and what I thought was a boy with non-descript clothing and brown curly hair and assumed we’d be sharing our home with a little boy. Silly me. The first clue should have been when our licensing social worker called us in February to see if we’d be willing to take a baby-girl? Read that as God’s timing, but I still didn’t get it. We agreed because we thought it would be great experience to care for a baby, although I personally didn’t believe a baby girl would be with us for very long while our real child (unknown boy) was waiting for us somewhere out there #AmericanTail.
And then the real eye-opener happened October 5, God gave me a clear thought I believe was absolutely from him because I never would have considered such an absurd thing on my own, “What if you were mistaken in your interpretation of those snapshots, Jenn?” asked God. What?!? Mistaken? Me? I say absurd because I might resemble one of those people who can become completely absorbed in my limited tunnel-vision. So, here’s the thing… I was looking at Baby-Girl, aka Butter Buns, aka several other cute nick-names and really studied her as she was trying to crawl, when the undeniable hit me. #Lightning “What if I was mistaken?” thought came to mind, courtesy of my merciful Savior because I am stubborn and it might take me a few tries to really GET something. “Think, McFly, Think!” #BacktotheFuture Baby-Girl is lighter-skinned with brown, curly hair…
Thank you, Lord for opening my eyes. Because as I said, I never would’ve considered without inspiration from someone higher than me that we already had in our custody, the baby in those snapshots. Yes, contrary to the fantastic perception my devoted readers already have of my unshakable confidence [read as mule-like tendencies], I might resemble one who struggles with tunnel-vision. Because no one and by no one I mean I don’t get the important stuff wrong. Well, not very often anyway. Welcome humility and I’m going to need your help here for an indefinite residency.
Do you ever think you have it all figured out, only to receive a figurative slap upside the head and find, you might have been wrong?
GO HAWKS!
Jenn
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