Archive for category adoption
One year ago…
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Bible, debateable, Faith, Faith in the Midst of Illness, family, Football, fun, Grace, health, Inspiration, invisible disease, Jesus, life, lifestyle, Living with Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Living with MS, Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Maintaining Faith, marriage, Marriage Encouragement, MS, MS Fight Club, Multiple Sclerosis, Nervous System, Neurological Conditions, news, prayer, Relapsing Remitting, Relapsing Remitting MS, Stress and MS, toddlers, trends to consider, Uncategorized, Women with MS on November 7, 2021
My PCP diagnosed me with anemia. A few months later, I received the hypercalcaemia diagnosis from my endocrinologist, quickly followed by an Osteoporosis diagnosis and put on a drug that might cause me to lose a tooth or two. I want to be off that drug ASAP. Despite all the cumulative crap I’ve been dealing with since ‘17, I finally have a sliver of good news to share.
My endocrinologist at my July appointment basically threw-up his hands and said he’s sending me to an ENT because my symptoms don’t match my numbers, but he believes there’s something indicitive of a tumor, although the thyroid and parathyroid ultrasounds and nuclear medicine tests revealed nothing. My downward spiral of symptoms going from a pretty healthy patient (minus the MS) to going straight down a toilet as my gait in just a few months became that of a 90-year-old trying to be purposeful with each labored step.
Last weekend at church, as I walked to my vehicle and I heard someone behind me and glanced back to see who it was. The older gentleman has always reminded me of my late grandfather and I stopped so he could catch-up to me. He said he had never seen me walk so slow. I laughed and asked if it was really that noticable. Then he went on to explain how he’d always seen me actively chasing the little ones all over and then said he was keeping me in prayer. I tend to be guarded about sharing anything specific, but last Sunday morning, I was confident that the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to share with a few people at church that I was scheduled for surgery December 15 for a pararthyroidectomy.
My endocrinologist did send me to an ENT, who after viewing all the pictures, labs and radiology reports, sent me to another ENT. Well that ENT sent me to his ENT, who is head of the ENT department at the university in town and his MA was able to schedule me for an appointment to see him a week later. I told B I was tempted to cancel the appointment because I was tired of wasting my time and being referred and referred to another doctor, and another doctor, etc. B asked me to keep the appointment and if I still walked away after the appointment feeling dislcouraged and like I wasted my time, then we would seek other treatment. Funny how I get so frustrated that I might have some extreme tendencies to for example, jump off cliffs because it just makes more sense to me to do something drastic , ya know) and then B has this level of discernment that can reel me in and produce peace with a few words.
Well that ENT, about 60 seconds into the appointment, said he had viewed and studied the pictures of my parathyroid and explained he believed at least one part, potentially two of the four-part parathyroid had tumors. I asked him how long he had specialized in ENT studies. 30 years. Only 30 years!! Then he said, “ I’ve seen this before, these symptoms and pictures . I’m confident if we do the 15 minute surgery to take out the parathyroid, that you should start feeling better almost immediately in the recovery room.” And with those few words, those tear ducts started filling up. You might remember that this girl does not cry…. her eyes sweat.
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The end of the tunnel just became brighter…
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Bible, Faith, family, health, Inspiration, Living with Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Living with MS, Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Maintaining Faith, MS, MS Fight Club, Multiple Sclerosis, Neurological Conditions, prayer, Relapsing Remitting, Relapsing Remitting MS, Stress and MS, toddlers, Uncategorized, Women with MS on November 5, 2021
When MS became more than MS with the unforseen truckload of additional health issues caused by the drug Lemtrada, I really questioned God and his faithfulness. I’m very aware there was never a guarantee that my life would be obstacle free. In fact as a Christian, it is a sure thing that God will allow trials for my own growth.
Having problems pushed me to know him better or have I reacted by becoming closed-up or anti-social?
As problems manifest, I have been prone to isolation. It’s way more comfortable than sharing anything for which folks will likely shun me anyway. So, in a sense I’m doing my future self a favor. Right? Totally. Except. God didn’t create any person to survive alone, but thrive with others to support, encourage, lift-up during times such as these. And there I was isolating myself at home, doing distance church from my iPad at home to avoid being a burden or a slow-poke with my cane or avoid questions like , “what happened?” from nosy-nellies posing as concerned people who care.
Ouch. Thank you, Lord for convicting me of being narcissistic and shame on me for doubting anyone’s intentions. That’s my normal reaction, but it dawned on me, (again thank you, Lord) last week watching church, that with all this crap going on with my health, that I have a fantastic testimony opportunity. And so after many weeks at home during church, but watching from a distance, I put on my big-girl pants and went back to church.
For an incredible reason. For B and I to have our two-year-old daughter dedicated at church. Didn’t I mention we had a foster child in our home? That we officially adopted at the beginning of August?
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Ongoing Variables
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Bible, Faith, Faith in the Midst of Illness, family, Grace, health, Inspiration, invisible disease, Jesus, life, lifestyle, Living with Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Living with MS, Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Maintaining Faith, marriage, Marriage Encouragement, MS, MS Fight Club, Multiple Sclerosis, Nervous System, Neurological Conditions, prayer, Relapsing Remitting, Relapsing Remitting MS, Stress and MS, Uncategorized, Women with MS on April 6, 2021
Prior to the five day Lemtrada treatment in ’16, a team of lab consultants and vampires phlebotemists took eight vials of blood along with the contents of my bladder to establish my base-lines for what my normal numbers were. My thyroid, and red and white blood cells were all completely within a normal range in that analysis two weeks prior to the Lemtrada commencement. Even with Multiple Sclerosis, all these were very much within the range labeled “normal.” I’m explaining this because the following will be somewhat of a brief meaning of the physiological changes that occurred following treatment. We knew of the potential side effects that could happen and from reading the disclosures, there were definitely adverse side effect occurances. With the information that MS could be eliminated through the treatment, I saw the treatment as a calculated risk.
Well, I became the Lemtrada anomaly. My neurologist received reports following those monthly labs to show how my body continued to respond to the treatment. About five months post Lemtrada my thyroid started showing things were changing so off I went to an endocrinologist who put me on medication to control the overcompensating hyperthyroid and a few months later, it became hypothyroidism for my underactive thryoid. Apparently my thyroid couldn’t make up its mind.
In the middle of all this the endocrin diagnosed me with Hashimotos, with vague instructions to stay away from gluten. I thought for a second that that was going to be easy to stay away! How silly was I? Once I researched gluten and found that it was in bread – I love baking bread – and that gluten is in so many of my favorite things {read as nearly everything} many candies I enjoy that include red licorice. But then once I became intentional to stay away from gluten for a month, which began in February 2019, things changed. Those chronic gut aches finally ceased. Over time, gluten-free has become more of a staple in grocery stores as gluten-free snack options are more available. While all these changes started in me and I needed to create my new normal , I was delighted to discover gluten-free snacks in stock with Amazon Prime. Did I mention Gluten-free chocolate covered pretzels?!?! Yum! Simply delightful.
Then a couple months later, the medication changed back to control my hyperthyroid’s overactive antics, but that didn’t go well but after all the nonsense, my numbers finally leveled-off. Then, of all the obscure causes why I didn’t respond well to the prescription, my endocrin said I was allergic to the dye in the prescription pills, so she wrote the Rx in such a way so my pharmacy filled the Rx with non-dyed pills. But then my encodcrinologist moved to Sweden and I was not responding well to the medication anyway so I opted to elimininate the idea of finding another endocrinologist. I didn’t really like her. My first appointment with her was weird. She asked many questions about when and how the MS was diagnosed and in that I explained that auto-immune was in my genes so it was definitely in my genetic make up to rear it’s ugly head. The doc’s take-away was telling me that I missed my calling to go to medical school and figure out why my MS was affecting me and why auto-immune put a target on my family or why Lemtrada screwed up my physiology. Apparently her playbook for me was to discover why I should’ve become a world-reknowned doctor who discovered a cure for MS. I’m not kidding or exagerating about one iota of this.
I would love to say I fired that doc, but timing was such that when I decided to not see this endocrin any longer, she went MIA over-seas. I took the opportunity to be in control, which I should’ve done at the beginning of all this nonsense and researched thyroid supplements and those most highly rated on Amazon. I read many reviews and ordered one supplement. I took for a couple months, but then after I decided that chronic diarhea, even as a temporary side-effect really sucked, I ordered a different highly rated supplement. And “Behold! No chronic diarhea? We had a winner!” Said Jenn after taking it for a month with no unwelcome side-effects. So with the supplement, I felt decent and have continued taking it for a few years now.
Then last September, my (now remember I had to agree to monthly labs for five years following Lemtrada.). Things started changing again with my physiology and my neurologist called and asked me to take a copy of my labs with me to see my PCP. What’s changed this time? I started feeling sick in mid-September ’20. Those labs said I was anemic. Apparently, as of February I’m no longer anemic, but if that’s true why am I still experiencing heart palpitations? Coincidentally, I just felt lousy. This coming December, it will have been five years since Lemtrada ended, but changes were still happening. My internal system has allegedly flushed the toxic chemical cocktail from my body, but things are going awry. For a couple years I put reading my Bible on hold while I was working through my anger at God for allowing our first foster placement after two years with us from birth, be sent to an unknown distant family member in St. Louis.
Perhaps the stress from that situation was another culprit for making my health go sideways. Whatever is going on, I feel like I’m in a fight for my life right now. My new Endocrin tested me for a list of about 25 things in December. A few of those things included conditions related to osteoporosis because with my initial intake appointment with him, he looked at my prior bloodwork and saw that in my urine, there is a high level of calcium, which isn’t normal. My body is leaking calcium. I’m too young to have osteoporosis. Which means I will need surgery to put a stop to this and have my parathyroid removed. I sought a second opinion and that doctor was in agreement that the parathyroid is indeed the problem child. I have an appointment for a bone density scan which should confirm the need for surgery and with the parathyroid removed, it should put a stop to the “calcium leak.”
https://youtube.com/watch?v=X1eMZWiOJ0a0&feature=share
Last June I began reading my Bible again and it’s timely that I am reading Job in the middle of my own health nightmare. God is faithful. I’ve seen and experienced healing in myself and others in years passed. But I’ve doubted him so much and prayed for my own end in order to to be rid of what I know will likely be temporary pain and discomfort. The pain and chronic discomfort that I’ve felt in the last six months is like nothing I’ve experienced before. God healed my MS in 2005. He healed my Dad’s cancer and continues to keep it away. So how dare I doubt his goodness?!?! One of B’s clients has a mom who is also a believer and she told my husband she had a dream about me and that she received a word that I would be healed. But like the Isrealites and their chronic complaining through the desert for 40 years for an 11 day journey, I have to keep my faith and remind myself that like Danny Gokey’s song, I “Just Haven’t Seen It Yet.” The light at the end of the tunnel has become faint, but I have to have faith that my struggles have not been in vain.
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I am a work in progress…
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Bible, debateable, Faith, Faith in the Midst of Illness, family, Funny, Grace, health, Humor, in the kitchen, Inspiration, invisible disease, Jesus, life, lifestyle, Living with Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Living with MS, Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Maintaining Faith, Marriage Encouragement, Mommy’s musings, MS, MS Fight Club, Nervous System, Neurological Conditions, prayer, Relapsing Remitting, Relapsing Remitting MS, Stress and MS, Therapeutic House-pets, Uncategorized, Women with MS on April 3, 2021
I was blogging with somewhat of a purpose, but then I started analyzing and reanalyzing every stinking thing I do and do not do. I feel like a mouse trapped in a maze because I have been all over the map trying to figure out what my point is and answer the million dollar question of why do I do what I do? I’ve ultimately determined that my blog is for me. When I began blogging some years ago. I had hopes illusions of reaching a massive following for those with MS and/or their care-partners and even more of those who were interested in knowing more about being a Christ-follower in the middle of battling a debilitating illness and trying to mainfain faith and trust that God was still good when my Multiple Sclerosis was spiraling out of control.
And it was. I went from being for the most part able-bodied and independent to having to learn to self-catheterize when I couldn’t empty my bladder on my own. Using a cane became obsolete when I had to graduate to using a walker and finally upgrade to a wheelchair all within six months … and back then in October 2001 when I was struggling in my position and could no longer do my job as a consumer loan officer, my neuroligist said I likely wouldn’t see my 30th birthday, which was still some years away. I’m briefly explaining all that to get around to my point that I am going to blog for me because I enjoy writing. If anyone follows my non-nonsensical gibberish or rantings that get tossed around in my mind, then sure, I hope you enjoy yourself, are encouraged or at the least, can smile at something said, but don’t expect anything Nobel prize worthy. I’m writing for myself as it can be therapeutic. My story is not debateable because it is MY experience and I will not apologize for MY convictions. Consider that fair-warning.
As a Christian I do get mad, upset or annoyed when unexpected circumstances or events (like bad health) put a hiccup in MY plans. Really? Indeed. Because I am a control-feak extrordinaire, but am always trying to give up my own illusions of what I want and instead work toward fulfilling God’s plan for my life. I am a sinner. That’s not a badge, just a recognition that I am so far from being perfect. I have made some massive mistakes that years later, I still struggle with forgiving myself. I am a Christ-follower. There is a difference because many label themselves as Christians, but they don’t have a relationship with God, pray etc.
Be confident that that is not a judgement of anyone because only God knows an individual’s heart. I am actively seeking God’s will for my life on a continual basis and although I mess-up many times every day, I try to stay on-track. I have a lot of Biblical head kowledge, but am trying to get myself to having more heart knowledge. That is not a pat on my back for ‘intentions’ because intentions do NOT count or provide any points for scoring if that’s how you grade yourself. 2000 years later, Jesus still remains the only perfect human. Perfection is impossble, but God is always at work in people’s lives to refine us into who we’re supposed to be for his purposes.
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You may remember…
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Bible, Faith, Inspiration, life, Maintaining Faith, prayer on March 29, 2021
I had mentioned/blogged some years ago about B and I being foster parents. I will review at some point the events that transpired between ’17 and ’18 when I think it’s the appropriate time to share… However, what matters most, right now, in this moment, is that we are still technically fostering, but we’re also in the process of adopting.
Our little was 2-days-old when the county called and asked, “You still have your crib available?” We gained custody directly from the hospital and the birth mom was entirely committed to being at every opportunity to see her baby and bond. About eight months later, rumors about Covid started gaining traction and by March, states began issuing the “Stay home” orders. Unfortunately, because of how quickly Covid was spreading, it was also necessary to close the visitation center where fosters and biological parents were meeting a couple of times per week.
I asked the case worker for the biological mom’s phone number and email so she and I could set up a weekly Zoom time so visual meetings could continue , which to make everything easy, was the same time I brought the baby to see her birth-mom at the center. The visitation center kept track of when all parties showed-up, so since they were closed, I kept a record of when I logged-in to Zoom meetings and when or if the mom showed-up. The heart-breaking thing is that of those twenty-some weeks opportunities to meet via Zoom, were available, the biological-mom showed less than 10 times.
Then last Fall, the expected court dates happened, TPR was finalized and the court declared to let us adopt. It’s been bitter-sweet. Please, don’t get me wrong! It’s been the most exciting thing for B and I to finally be this close to adopting. The sadness is recognizing that while T’s birth-mom has lost her daughter, we’re gaining a daughter. Thank you, God.
Bitter-sweet…
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Too big to not share
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Faith, Football, Grace, Inspiration, Jesus, life, lifestyle, Living with Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Living with MS, Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Maintaining Faith, marriage, Marriage Encouragement, MS Fight Club, Neurological Conditions, prayer, Relapsing Remitting MS, Uncategorized on November 2, 2016
With everything going on and my ever increasing #MSinducedmemoryproblems, I have to share this while I’m thinking about it or “POOF!” it’ll be gone and I’ll forget again because #MultipleSclerosis is playing hardball with my short-term memory retention these days. We’re at T minus 10 days until I start the #Lemtrada round one treatment.
Monday morning last week, B #husband #love texted me shortly after he got to work to say that he had some big #news and would share when he got home, but I was busy with the #baby #love and then getting #cleaning stuff done around the house #clean #addict and then POOF, my husband’s text was forgotten! That thought was gone and I didn’t think twice about it. I had dinner ready and Baby was fed when B came home, so he changed his clothes #relaxation and then we immediately said a dinner blessing. He was anxious to share whatever it was and I’d forgotten about the big news so I hesitated and put the burrito #dinner back on the plate. At his job, B’s an #art #mentor for mentally handicapped students and a student’s mom had called first thing that morning to let the staff know her son would be home sick that day, but as long as B answered the phone, Mary said she had something to share with him. She shared with B that a few days before, #God had placed on her heart to fast and #pray for me, but she didn’t know why.
Now, my #health is generally not a topic of conversation for either of us with strangers, especially for B at work, where unless I’m experiencing a symptom like vertigo that has required him to be home to care for Baby, other than a few people, no one really knows the rough issues with my #relapsingremittingms that rarely require him to be home, thankfully. B said that at one point, he had shared with Mary, who is also a #Believer, my testimony of walking again #miracle after being in a wheelchair for years. You must remember I do not cry, but my eyes occasionally sweat, mostly from allergies #denial. B then shared that a few days after fasting and praying for me, God told Mary I was going to be #healed. Initiate single eye-sweating program. I felt very #blessed that a person I met only once, might feel a burden to fast and pray for me, but I said nothing, then he repeated, “Jenn, Mary said God told her you’re going to be healed soon.” Level-up. Initiate inadvertent dual eye-sweating sequence…
So, in no way did I believe I could deserve something so big since I already received such a significant blessing years ago allowing me to walk again #amazing. It’s like I think my blessing bowl can be filled only once in a life-time. It’s definitely a process to consistently stop negative thoughts and immediately redirect and recognize those thoughts are inspired by the enemy telling me, “You don’t deserve ___.” I must stop such thoughts many times each day. My husband is fantastic to gently remind me that #Godismerciful and doesn’t use a pay-for-play method of forgiveness or blessing.
What?!? But I already was healed from having to depend on a wheelchair 11 years ago! #miracle Oh no-those sweat-glands in my eyes failed in a big way and my eyes began sweating profusely. I was confused how I was deserving of such a magnificent #blessing. I have a performance-based blessing mentality so I’m actively working to clean-out many years of negative internal-dialogue. I am still working toward recognizing performance based blessing in no way resembles my merciful and loving Savior. #nonsensestopshere I must be conscientious to make sure I do not repeat those methods with our foster #babyblessing, who my husband and I very much hope to #adopt.
I always use speaker-phone so my hands are free to do other mindless tasks like fold laundry while I “chat.” Unfortunately though, while my phone was on speaker a few months ago, B overheard everything loud and clear so there was no misinterpretation of conversation lecture verbiage about consequences I’m apparently still suffering, making B get a sour taste of that performance-based affection. “Now I know why you operate with a pay-for-play mentality. I’m so sorry, Sweetheart – I might get it now.” Things might have the ability to stick and set the tone for one’s dysfunctional internal dialogue for years, but it really is changing. #praiseGod #Jesussaves
I’m excited because as this Lemtrada treatment situation has unfolded over the past few months with God opening doors for my grant application to be immediately approved for funding the treatment, my faith steadily increasing and doubt finally gone and being at peace that although risky, Lemtrada is in fact the vehicle through which God will deliver healing as Lemtrada is the only treatment able to heal previous MS damage. #peacethatpassesallunderstanding This is exactly where God is guiding me and with healing, I believe He’s also preparing me for great things. Lord, I’m ready now. #amen
And of course, GO HAWKS!
Jenn
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Baby-Girl is 9 months
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Bible, Faith, family, Grace, Inspiration, prayer, Uncategorized on October 26, 2016
And in mid-February, when we were given custody of a precious seven point something baby, I swore to B and everyone else that I could easily care for and do this #foster-parenting thing without falling in love because Baby Girl would be with us only a couple of months. Which wasn’t enough time to #fallinlovewithbaby I didn’t birth. Right? And besides, it’s plenty of time for Baby-Girl’s mom to make-up her mind to get her act together and get her baby back because she can’t stand that someone else is loving and raising her daughter. Right? Right. How cocky? Ignorant? Ridiculous? All of the above, was I to think I had it all figured out.
How could I be so naive in thinking being home with her all day, every day, to take care of and provide for her needs and with each task look into her gorgeous eyes to smile at her, hold bottles for her, change diapers and tell her sweet-things about herself, like how beautiful and precious she is many times each day, would not allow us to bond? #mommybabybonding Right? Right. Come on, Jenn! Everyone, please do me a favor and do not let me pass “Go” or collect $200 because I was an imbecile for thinking the way I did. But, I really did believe what I believed, that I could do this without becoming emotional or attached. Step-aside #Girl-Wonder. I was successful in referring to myself as Miss Jenn for a few months(what the two and three olds called me) when B and I taught Sunday School and how those munchkins in our little class referred to me. But then Mother’s Day arrived and B said, “You know you’re Mommy to her, Jenn.” And I was like, “Um, no, we’re waiting for a boy so I can’t be mommy until we get him.” But then recognition dawned on me with B’s words and I finally got it. That for our baby girl, I am Mom.
Those snapshots with which God provided for me more than 18 months ago, urged B and I to #pray and later go through the licensing process of becoming foster-parents to adopt a little boy. Except I tawt I saw #Tweety Bird, thought I saw, assumed based on the limited snap-shots, that I really envisioned a little boy. With those repetitive snapshots of me with a child, B with the same faceless child and us with the same curly-haired, but faceless lighter-skinned child, I kept seeing a faceless three or four-year-old and what I thought was a boy with non-descript clothing and brown curly hair and assumed we’d be sharing our home with a little boy. Silly me. The first clue should have been when our licensing social worker called us in February to see if we’d be willing to take a baby-girl? Read that as God’s timing, but I still didn’t get it. We agreed because we thought it would be great experience to care for a baby, although I personally didn’t believe a baby girl would be with us for very long while our real child (unknown boy) was waiting for us somewhere out there #AmericanTail.
And then the real eye-opener happened October 5, God gave me a clear thought I believe was absolutely from him because I never would have considered such an absurd thing on my own, “What if you were mistaken in your interpretation of those snapshots, Jenn?” asked God. What?!? Mistaken? Me? I say absurd because I might resemble one of those people who can become completely absorbed in my limited tunnel-vision. So, here’s the thing… I was looking at Baby-Girl, aka Butter Buns, aka several other cute nick-names and really studied her as she was trying to crawl, when the undeniable hit me. #Lightning “What if I was mistaken?” thought came to mind, courtesy of my merciful Savior because I am stubborn and it might take me a few tries to really GET something. “Think, McFly, Think!” #BacktotheFuture Baby-Girl is lighter-skinned with brown, curly hair…
Thank you, Lord for opening my eyes. Because as I said, I never would’ve considered without inspiration from someone higher than me that we already had in our custody, the baby in those snapshots. Yes, contrary to the fantastic perception my devoted readers already have of my unshakable confidence [read as mule-like tendencies], I might resemble one who struggles with tunnel-vision. Because no one and by no one I mean I don’t get the important stuff wrong. Well, not very often anyway. Welcome humility and I’m going to need your help here for an indefinite residency.
Do you ever think you have it all figured out, only to receive a figurative slap upside the head and find, you might have been wrong?
GO HAWKS!
Jenn
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Our baby update and other stuff
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Faith, Inspiration, Maintaining Faith, MS, Uncategorized on August 11, 2016
We still have custody of Baby D. She turned six-months a bit ago and we started giving her solids. This child is a pig, disguised as a baby. Lol. No, really. If her current length is indicitive of height as an adult, she’ll definitely be tall. She smiles and laughs a lot with us and gets a lot of enjoyment from watching our resident critters. In recent days, she’s started to look like she’s going to crawl, but then changes her mind to flop onto her tummy or turns onto her back. Because I guess the effort to crawl is just too taxing for a six-month-old. I’m not by any means trying to predict what the end outcome will be for the end-story of her living with us, but as we’ve watched Baby D thrive and her birth-mom refuse to get clean, things might be leaning toward Baby D becoming ours.
We’ve had many changes in addition to Baby D joining our household mid-February. In March, we said farewell to our elderly pup, Ming Foo. Then early spring, after much prayer, God lead us to leave the church we attended the last three years and taught Sunday School to start-over at a new church. We were having a rough time creating a network of friends we could depend on to mutually encourage in our faith and trade baby/child sitting. Then in July, we had to say goodbye to another pet, our elder kitty, Hi-5, a polydactyl, who found us as an unclaimed stray in ’01. We’ve grieved all our pets, but his loss has been especially rough as he was the final pet in our original brood, that my husband and I adopted in our first home close to 20 years ago.
You know I have MS, but something you don’t know is since roughly the beginning of this year, I’ve kept my eyes on all the available different/new MS treatments. I’ve been doing injections since ’97, but I’m tired of injections. I want something that doesn’t require a needle, but based on side-effects, I’m not ready to deal with the issues one of the pill options might give me. My neurologist calls it ‘needle fatigue’. The first 15 years were daily injections, not including the weekly B-12 injections. If my calculations are accurate, I’ve done nearly 8,000 injections to myself in the last 20 years. It’s no wonder I’m tired of needles! Not to mention all the lipoatrophy that’s become obvious as a result of the limited menu of injection sites available… So, I’ve applied to be a candidate for a newer MS treatment. We pray about pretty much everything and have been praying that this treatment will be approved. This newer treatment has provided quite a bit of encouraging results. It’s an IV treatment for five days, wait a year, do it again and that’s it. As in no more MS related treatment IV’s and no more injections! EVER! Yay! What an incredible blessing this could be!
Being full-time mom for Baby D, settling into a new church, dealing with Baby D’s mom accosting me, losing pets, researching a new MS treatment, family related drama-for which I’ve been blamed and another sick pet have all contributed unwelcome stressors and I fell backward into white-knuckling everything once again, fearing everything. As B and I were talking last night, more than anything, this compilation of stuff on my plate with no resources to whom I can reach-out for a little help, has made it very obvious, God has sustained me through all of it. And the thing with Baby D’s mom getting in my face, God protected me through it because I recently found out, the mom’s record includes assaulting people. Thank you, Lord for protecting me and therefore, us because Baby was just sitting behind me in her carrier, protected when that happened.
He has a plan and I need not stress about anything: my life, Baby D, my husband, our pets, a new treatment, etc. I’m hopeful, but I also must rest in his devine answers and timing.
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Our world has been sufficiently rocked.
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Faith, family, Jesus, lifestyle, Living with MS, Maintaining Faith, marriage, prayer, Uncategorized on March 10, 2016
No, really. Two months into the new year – by the way – tangent warning, I really hate resolutions – read last new year’s entry rant why I have never made a resolution because if I want to make changes, I just do it and do not require a calendar date to keep a countdown, keep me motivated or keep me accountable, etc. What I did do was make a commitment to myself to become active again in addition to my existing regimen of weights and stationary biking. I swam competitively through high school and college, but recently determined I’d do something different and start running. Because I could. For years, I’ve been scared to try because of that whole stint in a wheelchair for five years, but got over myself and tried to run and guess what?! I did. My husband has always been my biggest and best cheerleader and talked me into being fitted for proper running shoes based on the correct support for our surrounding terrain. I did get fitted, then researched price, ordered and as an added benefit, those running shoes are even the colors of my Seahawks! Yay for me and GO HAWKS!! But the colors were never even a real consideration. So those new running shoes arrived and I initially wore them at the gym on the treadmill, assessed and was confident that I could in fact run. I mapped out my running route in the neighborhood to start the following day and then God ripped the carpet from under me and said, “Jenn, I have other plans for you” when we received an unexpected call later that evening.
You might recall a previous post about a year ago that I finally shared with my husband the snapshots that I’d seen for the prior twelve plus months. Remember? After I shared that little tid-bit of info, B essentially sat me at the table with a bright light shining on me to question me and determine how serious I was,then after the FBI- style interrogation, he determined I was on the up and up because that’s how completely unexpected it was for B to hear me mention, “Well maybe we’re still here because we’re supposed to adopt a child.” Eleven years ago, after the failed attempt to adopt a baby from China, when a year into the process we were declined to adopt because of my MS, the subject of children in our own home had become the topic of which we no longer spoke. So imagine how unexpected the suggestion nearly a decade later…
As Christians we seek God’s will and pray for God’s prompting for major decisions, but with my ‘epiphany’ we were even more resolved to make sure that this vision was really from the Almighty. The weeks following the ‘interrogation’ were filled with prayer and research and then in July 2015, we began the 10-week journey to become licensed for foster to adopt through the state. In addition to a plethora of info, we obtained CPR/First Aid certifications, reinstalled the pool-fencing, had two home-studies, installed the necessary magnet locks and fire-extinguishers, obtained a crib and the path was smooth-sailing, confirming yet another answer that what we were doing was indeed, God-led.
However, what had become disappointing after completing the class and list of tasks was the continued delay of getting licensed since our social worker had estimated that would happen before the new year, but we did not hear a thing for weeks later. One of our class members had set up a closed social networking group that was created for our training class only. Many of our class-members posted pictures of their newly acquired foster munchkins. I may be kind of sort of admitting that the green monster had more than likely, undeniably and most definitely bit me. Hard. I’m blessed to have a spiritually strong husband with excellent discernment. Most of the time I operate on logic, but there was nothing about this situation that ever spoke logic, so that overwhelming left-brain-ness went right impulsively emotional on me. B helped me realize that the green monster’s name was “Obama” when I had this sense of missing out on my fair share, but once again my wise husband pointed out that this entire process was about stretching our faith in God’s timing by not taking control where those control-freak tendencies might have in the past.
Back to that unexpected call… Our licensing social worker finally called in February that the center had received a baby. A baby!?! A baby. A baby was never on my radar because those visions were always of a toddler. But what then came to me was that our licensing SW said in class was that “adoption may not happen with your first placement…,” but I also thought this could be good experience for both of us. B had those same thoughts, called the case worker, we asked many questions, after which we prayed and determined we’d pick-up that baby the following morning. Talk about a world-rocking situation… Most people have nine months to prepare for a newborn. You know that whole thing of what to expect when you’re pregnant? We had 12 hours. But, here we are weeks later, very much operating as ships-passing-in-the night-zombie-mode, if that is a real condition. We are sleep-deprived starved and ‘conversations’ have become limited to Neanderthal-like grunts and groans of exhaustion. Lord, I apologize to any Neanderthals out there who read blogs, let alone have the wherewithal to take offense at my very tired sense of humor.
Next you might read about the monopoly of over-priced “Baby” targeted gear.
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