Archive for category Inspiration
Too big to not share
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Faith, Football, Grace, Inspiration, Jesus, life, lifestyle, Living with Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Living with MS, Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Maintaining Faith, marriage, Marriage Encouragement, MS Fight Club, Neurological Conditions, prayer, Relapsing Remitting MS, Uncategorized on November 2, 2016
With everything going on and my ever increasing #MSinducedmemoryproblems, I have to share this while I’m thinking about it or “POOF!” it’ll be gone and I’ll forget again because #MultipleSclerosis is playing hardball with my short-term memory retention these days. We’re at T minus 10 days until I start the #Lemtrada round one treatment.
Monday morning last week, B #husband #love texted me shortly after he got to work to say that he had some big #news and would share when he got home, but I was busy with the #baby #love and then getting #cleaning stuff done around the house #clean #addict and then POOF, my husband’s text was forgotten! That thought was gone and I didn’t think twice about it. I had dinner ready and Baby was fed when B came home, so he changed his clothes #relaxation and then we immediately said a dinner blessing. He was anxious to share whatever it was and I’d forgotten about the big news so I hesitated and put the burrito #dinner back on the plate. At his job, B’s an #art #mentor for mentally handicapped students and a student’s mom had called first thing that morning to let the staff know her son would be home sick that day, but as long as B answered the phone, Mary said she had something to share with him. She shared with B that a few days before, #God had placed on her heart to fast and #pray for me, but she didn’t know why.
Now, my #health is generally not a topic of conversation for either of us with strangers, especially for B at work, where unless I’m experiencing a symptom like vertigo that has required him to be home to care for Baby, other than a few people, no one really knows the rough issues with my #relapsingremittingms that rarely require him to be home, thankfully. B said that at one point, he had shared with Mary, who is also a #Believer, my testimony of walking again #miracle after being in a wheelchair for years. You must remember I do not cry, but my eyes occasionally sweat, mostly from allergies #denial. B then shared that a few days after fasting and praying for me, God told Mary I was going to be #healed. Initiate single eye-sweating program. I felt very #blessed that a person I met only once, might feel a burden to fast and pray for me, but I said nothing, then he repeated, “Jenn, Mary said God told her you’re going to be healed soon.” Level-up. Initiate inadvertent dual eye-sweating sequence…
So, in no way did I believe I could deserve something so big since I already received such a significant blessing years ago allowing me to walk again #amazing. It’s like I think my blessing bowl can be filled only once in a life-time. It’s definitely a process to consistently stop negative thoughts and immediately redirect and recognize those thoughts are inspired by the enemy telling me, “You don’t deserve ___.” I must stop such thoughts many times each day. My husband is fantastic to gently remind me that #Godismerciful and doesn’t use a pay-for-play method of forgiveness or blessing.
What?!? But I already was healed from having to depend on a wheelchair 11 years ago! #miracle Oh no-those sweat-glands in my eyes failed in a big way and my eyes began sweating profusely. I was confused how I was deserving of such a magnificent #blessing. I have a performance-based blessing mentality so I’m actively working to clean-out many years of negative internal-dialogue. I am still working toward recognizing performance based blessing in no way resembles my merciful and loving Savior. #nonsensestopshere I must be conscientious to make sure I do not repeat those methods with our foster #babyblessing, who my husband and I very much hope to #adopt.
I always use speaker-phone so my hands are free to do other mindless tasks like fold laundry while I “chat.” Unfortunately though, while my phone was on speaker a few months ago, B overheard everything loud and clear so there was no misinterpretation of conversation lecture verbiage about consequences I’m apparently still suffering, making B get a sour taste of that performance-based affection. “Now I know why you operate with a pay-for-play mentality. I’m so sorry, Sweetheart – I might get it now.” Things might have the ability to stick and set the tone for one’s dysfunctional internal dialogue for years, but it really is changing. #praiseGod #Jesussaves
I’m excited because as this Lemtrada treatment situation has unfolded over the past few months with God opening doors for my grant application to be immediately approved for funding the treatment, my faith steadily increasing and doubt finally gone and being at peace that although risky, Lemtrada is in fact the vehicle through which God will deliver healing as Lemtrada is the only treatment able to heal previous MS damage. #peacethatpassesallunderstanding This is exactly where God is guiding me and with healing, I believe He’s also preparing me for great things. Lord, I’m ready now. #amen
And of course, GO HAWKS!
Jenn
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Baby-Girl aka dare I say Diva, in the making?
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Babies, family, Humor, Inspiration, life, lifestyle, Living with MS, Living with Multiple Sclerosis, MS, Neurological Conditions, prayer, Uncategorized on November 2, 2016
Butter Buns must accompany me all the time, so rest assured that when I have to go anywhere for myself-doctor appointments, allergy shots, etc., she must accompany me and I put way more effort into making #sweetbaby Ms. Buns #nickname more presentable #ooohs #ahs than myself. Because baby cuteness factor supercedes everything. And she is thankful for that. Although she hasn’t said much beyond baby-babble at this point, it’s clear that she sees me as part of her #butterbunsposse, although my presence must be silent support #unnoticed. I am one of her #peeps for this potential #divainthemaking. It doesn’t matter that I am make-up free for most things because disguising #wrinkles #darkcircles doesn’t matter. But Butter Buns has standards. For herself. As most nine-month-olds do.
To have Ms. Bunn’s ensemble match and be #cuteness head to toe is more noticeable than if said #entourage member is wearing wrinkled clothes or make-up. Because people notice babies #ButterBun’sPR #me. And I don’t care that I’m wearing something so wrinkled, it appears that I just rolled out of bed wearing my clothes for a nap #tooexhaustedtoiron or looking like the early thousands called and they want their knit gym-capris back. #letpeoplejudge. Yes, it’s 2016 and I wear dated gym clothes #comfortable and probably more often in public than my more fashion-forward husband would like. I’m really not stuck in a time-warp. I just don’t care. #priorities
In my defense, I’m at the #gym 5 very early mornings each week to #workout a couple hours each day and be back home before B leaves for work #notagymrat, but I go to sweat, maintain strength and keep extra pounds from revealing themselves. #gymsarenotsocialvenues I am vain, but more than that, because MS took so much from me years ago when I physically could not work-out when I very much desired to, #motivated #5yearsinawheelchair, it’s very important that I do what I am able to do, when I’m able to do it because I will never again take for granted that ability to walk independently of a #cane or #walker or at its worst, ultimately require a #wheelchair So understandably, years ago, petty priorities like shopping for present-day active-wear or taking time to add make-up, let alone sweat-proofing game face to prevent #racooneyes was deemed superfluous.
The moral of this tangented story is don’t judge the messenger who’s not only telling you “don’t judge,” but take into consideration that for the messenger, looking ultra fab all the time is impossible, unless you’re nine-months-old. #focusattentiononButter Buns.
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Baby-Girl is 9 months
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Bible, Faith, family, Grace, Inspiration, prayer, Uncategorized on October 26, 2016
And in mid-February, when we were given custody of a precious seven point something baby, I swore to B and everyone else that I could easily care for and do this #foster-parenting thing without falling in love because Baby Girl would be with us only a couple of months. Which wasn’t enough time to #fallinlovewithbaby I didn’t birth. Right? And besides, it’s plenty of time for Baby-Girl’s mom to make-up her mind to get her act together and get her baby back because she can’t stand that someone else is loving and raising her daughter. Right? Right. How cocky? Ignorant? Ridiculous? All of the above, was I to think I had it all figured out.
How could I be so naive in thinking being home with her all day, every day, to take care of and provide for her needs and with each task look into her gorgeous eyes to smile at her, hold bottles for her, change diapers and tell her sweet-things about herself, like how beautiful and precious she is many times each day, would not allow us to bond? #mommybabybonding Right? Right. Come on, Jenn! Everyone, please do me a favor and do not let me pass “Go” or collect $200 because I was an imbecile for thinking the way I did. But, I really did believe what I believed, that I could do this without becoming emotional or attached. Step-aside #Girl-Wonder. I was successful in referring to myself as Miss Jenn for a few months(what the two and three olds called me) when B and I taught Sunday School and how those munchkins in our little class referred to me. But then Mother’s Day arrived and B said, “You know you’re Mommy to her, Jenn.” And I was like, “Um, no, we’re waiting for a boy so I can’t be mommy until we get him.” But then recognition dawned on me with B’s words and I finally got it. That for our baby girl, I am Mom.
Those snapshots with which God provided for me more than 18 months ago, urged B and I to #pray and later go through the licensing process of becoming foster-parents to adopt a little boy. Except I tawt I saw #Tweety Bird, thought I saw, assumed based on the limited snap-shots, that I really envisioned a little boy. With those repetitive snapshots of me with a child, B with the same faceless child and us with the same curly-haired, but faceless lighter-skinned child, I kept seeing a faceless three or four-year-old and what I thought was a boy with non-descript clothing and brown curly hair and assumed we’d be sharing our home with a little boy. Silly me. The first clue should have been when our licensing social worker called us in February to see if we’d be willing to take a baby-girl? Read that as God’s timing, but I still didn’t get it. We agreed because we thought it would be great experience to care for a baby, although I personally didn’t believe a baby girl would be with us for very long while our real child (unknown boy) was waiting for us somewhere out there #AmericanTail.
And then the real eye-opener happened October 5, God gave me a clear thought I believe was absolutely from him because I never would have considered such an absurd thing on my own, “What if you were mistaken in your interpretation of those snapshots, Jenn?” asked God. What?!? Mistaken? Me? I say absurd because I might resemble one of those people who can become completely absorbed in my limited tunnel-vision. So, here’s the thing… I was looking at Baby-Girl, aka Butter Buns, aka several other cute nick-names and really studied her as she was trying to crawl, when the undeniable hit me. #Lightning “What if I was mistaken?” thought came to mind, courtesy of my merciful Savior because I am stubborn and it might take me a few tries to really GET something. “Think, McFly, Think!” #BacktotheFuture Baby-Girl is lighter-skinned with brown, curly hair…
Thank you, Lord for opening my eyes. Because as I said, I never would’ve considered without inspiration from someone higher than me that we already had in our custody, the baby in those snapshots. Yes, contrary to the fantastic perception my devoted readers already have of my unshakable confidence [read as mule-like tendencies], I might resemble one who struggles with tunnel-vision. Because no one and by no one I mean I don’t get the important stuff wrong. Well, not very often anyway. Welcome humility and I’m going to need your help here for an indefinite residency.
Do you ever think you have it all figured out, only to receive a figurative slap upside the head and find, you might have been wrong?
GO HAWKS!
Jenn
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Our baby update and other stuff
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Faith, Inspiration, Maintaining Faith, MS, Uncategorized on August 11, 2016
We still have custody of Baby D. She turned six-months a bit ago and we started giving her solids. This child is a pig, disguised as a baby. Lol. No, really. If her current length is indicitive of height as an adult, she’ll definitely be tall. She smiles and laughs a lot with us and gets a lot of enjoyment from watching our resident critters. In recent days, she’s started to look like she’s going to crawl, but then changes her mind to flop onto her tummy or turns onto her back. Because I guess the effort to crawl is just too taxing for a six-month-old. I’m not by any means trying to predict what the end outcome will be for the end-story of her living with us, but as we’ve watched Baby D thrive and her birth-mom refuse to get clean, things might be leaning toward Baby D becoming ours.
We’ve had many changes in addition to Baby D joining our household mid-February. In March, we said farewell to our elderly pup, Ming Foo. Then early spring, after much prayer, God lead us to leave the church we attended the last three years and taught Sunday School to start-over at a new church. We were having a rough time creating a network of friends we could depend on to mutually encourage in our faith and trade baby/child sitting. Then in July, we had to say goodbye to another pet, our elder kitty, Hi-5, a polydactyl, who found us as an unclaimed stray in ’01. We’ve grieved all our pets, but his loss has been especially rough as he was the final pet in our original brood, that my husband and I adopted in our first home close to 20 years ago.
You know I have MS, but something you don’t know is since roughly the beginning of this year, I’ve kept my eyes on all the available different/new MS treatments. I’ve been doing injections since ’97, but I’m tired of injections. I want something that doesn’t require a needle, but based on side-effects, I’m not ready to deal with the issues one of the pill options might give me. My neurologist calls it ‘needle fatigue’. The first 15 years were daily injections, not including the weekly B-12 injections. If my calculations are accurate, I’ve done nearly 8,000 injections to myself in the last 20 years. It’s no wonder I’m tired of needles! Not to mention all the lipoatrophy that’s become obvious as a result of the limited menu of injection sites available… So, I’ve applied to be a candidate for a newer MS treatment. We pray about pretty much everything and have been praying that this treatment will be approved. This newer treatment has provided quite a bit of encouraging results. It’s an IV treatment for five days, wait a year, do it again and that’s it. As in no more MS related treatment IV’s and no more injections! EVER! Yay! What an incredible blessing this could be!
Being full-time mom for Baby D, settling into a new church, dealing with Baby D’s mom accosting me, losing pets, researching a new MS treatment, family related drama-for which I’ve been blamed and another sick pet have all contributed unwelcome stressors and I fell backward into white-knuckling everything once again, fearing everything. As B and I were talking last night, more than anything, this compilation of stuff on my plate with no resources to whom I can reach-out for a little help, has made it very obvious, God has sustained me through all of it. And the thing with Baby D’s mom getting in my face, God protected me through it because I recently found out, the mom’s record includes assaulting people. Thank you, Lord for protecting me and therefore, us because Baby was just sitting behind me in her carrier, protected when that happened.
He has a plan and I need not stress about anything: my life, Baby D, my husband, our pets, a new treatment, etc. I’m hopeful, but I also must rest in his devine answers and timing.
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It is well with my soul
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, Inspiration, Living with MS on July 22, 2015
I love the newer version of this old hymn and God has continued to use this song to keep me and my thoughts in-check because at times, and I’ll be honest, I’ve gone from zero negativity to Defcon Red in milliseconds, for which there is really no valid reason. Those reasons have been ridiculous and those worries have been entirely unfounded. The “what if?” game and I have been on again, off again roommates and I still have to work at kicking-out the unwanted guest when they attempt to argue, sit down and makes themselves at home for an extended stay as they readily rehash what’s wrong in my life, when all I must do is counter-hash everything that is right. Here is Matt Redman’s version of “It Is Well With My Soul.”
I have been so very blessed! In 2001 my MS was on a fast-track quickly retrogressing and I became dependent upon using a wheelchair full-time. 2015 marks 10 years since I regained feeling in my legs, was healed and able to again walk and not require the assistance of a wheelchair. Thank you, Lord.
My Dad was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year ago in 2014. With each quarterly exam, the cancer was confirmed with the understanding that because it was a slow-growing cancer, nothing was an emergency, but it would need to be monitored. My Dad’s quarterly cancer check-up and biopsy in June came back, “No cancer.” As in with all the many many samples they extracted, there was NO TRACE of it. Thank you, Lord.
Our oldest kitty Thor, died at end of April- just a couple of months ago. He was with us 18 years and he lived a pretty long and happy life filled with chasing string and consistent purrs. We adopted Thor shortly after B and I married. Our youngest kitty, Zephyr was diagnosed with kidney stones last winter and because of the process of going under the knife, we’ve hesitated to get him the surgery. With our loss of Thor, the Lord knew we needed some comfort and allowed Zephyr to be instrumental in providing that with lots of loves and cuddles as we mourned, but we remained worried that his condition would also take him from us too soon. Zephyr is now stone-free. Thank you, Lord.
My husband had a bad cough for about a year and the doctor said it was fine. It went away and then the cough started again and I kept reminding B to go to his doctor to see what was going on. They did a full exam and also ran an x-ray this time around. The x-ray was clear and everything is absolutely fine with his lungs except that the doc put him on an allergy regimen and now that painful cough is almost completely gone. Thank you, Lord.
I doubt that there are any other Christians out there who have ever been able to relate to being control-freaks or worrying excessively. What? You might resemble being controlling? You worry about stuff too? Then you can relate… I guess that somehow I believed in my very misguided perception is that if I worried needlessly about anything big or small, that things will get better or something ridiculous like that. I am thankful that God has a plan and that through my worries, He’s waited patiently for me to step-back, give him those reigns for my inner control-freak extraordinaire and just let him be God. It’s a process and I am an active work-in-progress with needing to remind myself daily that, “‘He’s got this, Jenn.” It’s very silly the amount of control that I perceive I have. I believe that the above situations served for no other purpose than to get my faith on-track. But then, it may not be all about me, so perhaps my perspective is selfish in that the listed situations were to grow my faith, when those also could have also served to grow my husband’s faith, my Dad faith, my Mom’s faith and / or my Sister’s faith…
As B and I have again felt led to pursue adoption, our faith has very much been stretched. It’s far from ideal circumstances since we’re older and have less money than the first time we attempted to adopt in ’07, but God’s bigger. We’ve been called to just be obedient to his guidance. He’s bigger than our perceived ideal circumstances and we have questions, but more than anything, we must trust in him.
Relinquishing control is not easy, but I’m confident that considering my own life is just a little blip on God’s screen, that He can see all things past, present and future and that there is a Divine purpose for him allowing you or me or any other person to go through anything. Those situations are either good or bad character building or faith building.
What are you made of? Do you struggle with doubt? What kind of situations have challenged your own faith?
Jenn
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I am the worst blogger. Ever.
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family, health, Inspiration, life, marriage, MS on May 12, 2015
Updating and sharing… I get so caught-up in doing irrelevant tasks like decorating the house (as I should have done years ago) and baking and currently researching to understand trends, that when I’m riding such a wave of momentum that I cannot stop or maybe I don’t stop? Shortly after I completed the ‘making our house a home’ ordeal back in early April, I was able to again join a gym. I’ve missed that daily habit for several years and when my MS improved back in ’05 and we were still in WA, I joined a gym and enlisted the help of a trainer who coincidentally also has MS, and provided me with a detailed program of cardio exercises, strength-building and toning exercises for me to keep some level of strength. But, since moving, I really had not been in a gym in years. I’m thankful most of the strength that I’d built remained during my gym absence and I was able to work the same major and minor muscle groups each day that I did earlier, so it took only a couple of weeks to get back into the habit in 2015. So once again these activities became part of my current routine with lifting four days a week, and doing between 7-10 miles of cardio on my recumbent bike at home daily.
Another project that’s had my ongoing attention is getting our pool ready for Pool-Season. During winter and early spring, there’s a minor level of maintenance required except after days of excessive wind and leaves blowing into the pool a few days each month. We had a couple of weeks of windy weather in late April, which resulted in a slightly cloudy pool from all the dust and then the vacuüm stopped working, but was not clogged so I enlisted a professional to diagnose our pool’s problem. I didn’t know what I didn’t know and I hate to claim ignorance, but there were a few steps that went ignored with our pool maintenance. So after cleaning the filters and getting ALL the appropriate equipment, with my newly acquired knowledge of ALL the steps, the pool is running just fine for the coming summer Pool-Season, which now that we’re consistently involved with our small group from church and they’re aware of our pool, there are definite expectations of us hosting pool-related barbecues/get-togethers.
Also relating to Pool-Season, my hair is short again. Long hair gets hot on my neck and I gripe about it for a month, even with it pulled-up in a pony-tail and I finally give in to getting it cut. It’ll grow back, unless I determine the shorter do is a keeper… Another thing is for years, my sister has been on me to watch Mad Men and a couple of weeks ago, B and I tried it a third time and well…we’re finally in. Jon Hamm is gorgeous, which has nothing to do with anything, but have you seen “Million Dollar Arm”? He’s definitely also a DB in that film just like he is in MM… And Peggy? Why didn’t anyone catch-on to her being pregnant? I called that long before she even started showing… Speaking of pregnancy, my sister is due in August and we’re once again attempting to adopt, but this time is different so more on that later.
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Star Date 3-9-15 and it’s been 120 years since my last log-in
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, Inspiration on March 9, 2015
or maybe it’s been days, but either way, it seems eons since I last had an opportunity to think in non-organizing mode, let alone blog mode… Much has happened and has had my attention focused on many important matters. I have my hand in at least 40 cookie-jars right now – one of which is literally full of German Chocolate cake cookies ready to eat on-demand. Don’t judge. My homemade treats power-ups are yummy and will provide for whatever the moment calls – sugary-sweet-goodness, energy comfort, inspiration, etc. for things like finally UNpacking the plethora of now empty boxes and decorating our home with the contents of said boxes. My mom helped to pick-out and decorate the home we built back in ’05 because she has a good eye (actually she has two) for choosing and determining the best placement for whatever accessory. But since my Mom’s over 1000 miles away, I have to pretend to have an interior designer and Nate Berkus is the only available party to show-up because I’m on a limited zero budget like that and because I can barely see him via my out-dated iPad on YouTube in my living room like that. Following Mom’s and NB’s lead, it finally looks like a home after only (ahem) three years in this house…
The interior of my our home appears just a little different and even smells different thanks to the aforementioned cookies. I now hate leaving the house for entirely different reasons, which around the last time I blogged, I believe I wrote relating to how much work it is to be friendly or social with others and dealing with changing my agoraphobic-like tendencies for the purpose to cease being a hermit. And boy have things changed!?! This isn’t to brag (perhaps a little), but every week since the beginning of February, I’ve attended our weekly small-group and even participated! Yay for me, but before I get into everything else happening, I need to mention that mid-February 2015 marked the 10 year anniversary when God began paving the way to and allowing the small changes that evolved into big changes that allowed me to walk again sans using the always packed wheelchair that became necessary to get me from a parking lot into a store for a shopping trip. Thank you, Lord to sustaining me and continuing to sustain me! When I began to regain feeling and started walking on my own once again, unintentionally, I began walking differently. High-stepping became the new normal, but I didn’t think twice about it as I was walking! Did I mention ‘walking’?
Over the years, I periodically had issues with my left hip giving me pain, but I took an ibuprofen and disregarded the inconvenience as I had more important things to consider – like the fact that I was WALKING! Back then, I almost immediately made a goal to do a triathlon because I believed I could and would, but what I didn’t realize was that because of the MS related numbness, lack of feeling and absence of strength in my right side for years, the high-stepping would do a great deal of damage to my good and stronger left side-regardless of the muscle I had built. (That whole brain-relay-to-body issue was a problem.) Yes, doing a triathlon was a lofty goal, but I worked-out and trained like I would do it one day.
‘Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes. Too high or too low, there ain’t no in-betweens. And if I stand or I fall, it’s all or nothing at all, Darling I don’t know why I go to extremes.’ (thank you for such an appropriate song, Billy Joel). I love that song. It’s not the most upbeat, but those lyrics still resonate because I tend to consistently fail in finding the middle-ground. Left or right, black or white… Thus, my inability to effectively self-manage because I become so consumed with accomplishing whatever has taken over my thoughts. And when I finally gained a realistic understanding that what MS took away can never be returned or rebuilt, I became discouraged, angry and essentially quit trying because it seemed my efforts were in vain. I mean, why bother? With anything…
But once I got over myself after years of this unhealthy outlook and during the last several weeks, the years of fogginess lifted, I quit being stubborn and I gained a new level of clarity that I have not seen in a very long time. So imagine that combined with the new Bible study, which coincidentally began the same week, convicted me of being apathetic. Oh-no-You-di-n’t! And oh-yes-He-did because the first chapter was about doing something. Nothing specific, but ‘Do something, Jenn’ was what I kept hearing, seeing and everywhere. I hate that feeling. That feeling is unacceptable. So, I did something. I volunteered at church doing some things that are a great fit. 1. I joined the church-cleaning team and my particular group within the 16 member team cleans every four weeks. 2. I am also now a Sunday School teacher to two and three-year-olds, aka the fabulous ‘Super Juniors.’ Which makes me very much miss my own sweet niece and super-junior-size nephew…
Brain on overload, thoughts all over the place… this will require a few attempts to write an installment…oh how I’ve missed your non-judgmental patience as I get my feces collated, Blog…
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Engaging with people is so much work
Posted by crusaderjennblog in debateable, health, Inspiration, Jesus on January 26, 2015
Friendships require work and openness. I’ve been very guarded where friendships are concerned because I have been open to a fault with a few who I believed were ‘safe’ only to regret sharing when I experienced their over-developed sense of superiority due to their own perfection, which apparently made it allowable for them to judge me. In WA, I had a smallish group of females I trusted with whom I’d go out for a girls night like for drinks and music or a movie, but upon our relocation to NV, I’ve been closed-off to making more friends. Knowing our time here is short-lived, I’ve failed to pursue making friends with anyone beyond an acquaintance level because my outlook has been, “We won’t be here long enough to make it worth the effort.” Shame on me. No, BIG SHAME ON ME and please forgive me for not bothering to be friends with you.
For many years when we committed to going-out with, for the purpose of cultivating friendships with other couples, we were always on time and to cancel last minute was never an option. Although we were consistently on the receiving end of other’s flakiness because for some and you know who you are, being a flake is a lifestyle choice. Emergencies happen and those are excusable, but failing to plan, “Our plans slipped my mind,” is NOT a reasonable excuse when you know the date of said plans. Maybe you commit, but by committing perhaps you should always provide this disclaimer, “I commit right now, but what I really mean is I’m selfish and I’ll cancel at the last possible moment never giving a thought to any arrangements you might make in the hope that I might show-up and grace you with my presence for the evening, when my regretful decline could have given you an opportunity to do something else,” is what you should say.
But then after some reflection of last year, I have clearly become a poster-child for flaky as I have became somewhat of a borderline agoraphobic. My home is my safe and happy place. I get up. I shower. I read my Bible and pray. I take care of our pets. I exercise. I bake goodies. I drink wine and even catalog it in my little black book of Wine Notes. I read books and I might play an Ap for fun on my iPad. I run errands as needed. These activities became MY own little self-created-safe-zone when I determined that 15 minutes from home is the furthest and safest acceptable distance I can be from home at any time. Our church’s small group fits that, but I’ve rarely attended any more.
Being budget-conscious and to save money, we quit using full-time air-conditioning and as a result, our home becomes suffocating hot during summer. If it’s 108 degrees outdoors, it’s around 87 indoors and multiply that if it’s humid. Just a touch hot and with MS, the heat renders me useless until the AC comes on for a couple of hours each morning and then again in the evening and when the AC comes on, I’m in recovery mode, which has been my ongoing excuse for not attending our small group except that now that we’re out of summer, there is no viable excuse for my non-attendance, which means that I evolved into what I detest and became a flake! Our small group from church started a new study last week and I attended, but came home feeling convicted for many things one of which seems to appear in red flashing bold letters, “Making excuses for not attending our small group when I can during these cooler months,” or was that flashing in red just for me?
So now that I’ve explained why I have become what I’ve become, I’m actively working to change my habits. It’s not a New Year’s resolution per se as my followers may have already read about in https://wordpress.com/post/81313185/142/ but I guess I’m reaching-out as a means of publicly recognizing I must stop my hermit-like habits, which also equates to fostering friendships and getting together for things like coffee or being friendly instead of remaining holed-up in a book or a game Ap. Step 1 was the easiest in recognizing I had a problem. It’s the next stuff that’ll present the biggest challenges for me because I can be very content with operating within my little world. Yes, I know it’s not healthy, but it’s comfortable and that’s become the biggest challenge for me with our new small group study: to go beyond my comfort-zone. I’ll keep you updated in how I fare through this what I suspect will be an uncomfortable process.
Do you have a comfort zone? Do you have a negative habit? Did you create a positive habit to replace your negative habit? Or how did you overcome it?
~Jenn
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Shaking it off
Posted by crusaderjennblog in debateable, Inspiration, Music Monday on January 19, 2015
This isn’t a ‘traditional’ Music Monday post as I’ve suggested I will share the first Monday of each Month. This link came across my email over the weekend and it’s too amusing to NOT share with y’all. I suspect that nearly everyone is familiar with Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off.” With all the negativity and awful press that many officers receive, I thought this was an appropriate cop’s response to those bandwaggoners who maintain the ignorance that all cops are bad:
Thank you to all the men and women who’ve lost their lives and who continue to place their their lives on-the-line each day to protect and serve. Thank you also to the officer in the video who maintained a great sense of humor lip-syncing, “Shake It Off.”
To those who believe cops shouldn’t carry or use weapons, I ask if you think officers can realistically protect by carrying only non-deadly mace to spray at perps or protect using a tranquilizer gun to hopefully only stun a criminal, if the officer happens to gain clear access, while you’re being held at gunpoint, for example? Or, is a cop only obligated to protect you and not also protect him or herself?
~Jenn
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But wait, there’s more!
Posted by crusaderjennblog in debateable, Faith, Inspiration, life, marriage on January 12, 2015
Oh the madness. It’s too frightening, dysfunctional, maybe even a bit entertaining to hear about this from my husband, B… Oh my poor husband… God clearly has reason for B working there probably because It takes a lot to rattle him and as you may recall, B is currently working for the Wannabe’s unorganized LED light company. You might also recall that OSHA is now involved and that they will be at the Wannabe’s office Wednesday to review the Wannabe’s permits, certifications (of which they have none) and to also interview current employees to understand if OSHA’s operation requirements are being met. The gentleman that was hired at the same time as B, quit today before noon as he’d had enough of the workplace insanity. My husband emailed me all of this during his lunch and said that Rinda is running around like a chicken sans head and desperately trying to make it B’s responsibility to locate the nonexistent document(s) that the Wannabes failed to obtain when they started their business almost five years ago. Remember, B was hired for sales. Well it seems that they’ve NEVER had or been required to have any of the necessary insurances or licenses or permits that are required for operating a business. Hmm, can you spell i-l-l-e-g-a-l?
I am guessing that after D suddenly quit this morning, everything will now fall to B and the unofficial employee/intern R to fix. Unless the owners can go back in time, they are in deep doo-doo. Coming from this company that knows only chaos and mismanagement, God opened the door for B to accept a new position that will begin next week. We are hoping and praying this will be the last and long-awaited position he must take before we move.
Bless D’s heart for sticking around as long as he did and I wish him the best.
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