Posts Tagged answer to prayer
10 days and counting…
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Bible, debateable, Faith, Faith in the Midst of Illness, health, life, Living with Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Living with MS, Maintaining Faith, prayer, Relapsing Remitting MS, Uncategorized on December 5, 2021
Which means a week from Wednesday, my ENT is surgically removing the misbehaving glands of my parathyroid, or at least removing that portion of it. Which he’s been doing for other patients. For 30 years. For patients who share a similar list of symptoms. I’m anxious to be rid of the nasty culprit. That has flipped my life in topsy turvy fashion, only to hide itself from being a team player and resist showing its entire self in medical photos. Even the best radiology center could not obtain pictures that revealed, nor was their biopsy conclusive of what was going on. However, the ENT continued to view and review a few particular images of the one gland he could see out of 4 parathyroid glands, which told him to do nuclear testing which made my parathyroid light up. No, I was not lit up like a Christmas tree. But, what my ENT saw as it was plainly bright, was enough to order several more tests to confirm his suspicions and order surgery following obtaining those additional tests to be completed as soon as possible.
The right parathyroid gland had a sizable dark spot that proved to be an adenoma. Although benign, my ENT said tumors still cause disruptions in patient’s lives because where there is 1 adenoma, there are often 2 so doctors check for another in all the glands when they do surgery. Disruptions like a patient’s gate change and hobbling around instead of walking normally, like testing positive for osteoporosis at a younger than typical age for diagnosis because her body decided to leak calcium, like the bone density scan additionally proved that because of the calcium loss, that my bones are losing density and could potentially become so brittle that tripping once more on the stairs could cause a broken bone or a few plus another few fractures.
My Endocrinologist understandably prescribed a calcium replacement drug that I started taking in June, but my ENT, whom I initially saw in early October, because of adverse side effects, wants me to stop taking the drug asap. When I was given the prescription, I did research and despite the risk to lose teeth and calcium, while also gaining calcium and bone density, I filled the prescription because there are other drugs out there that offer positive effects, but they also yield comparable negative effects. Six to one, half dozen the other…
That said, I am keeping December’s appointment to remove some of, if not all the parathyroid.
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Here we go…
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Bible, Faith in the Midst of Illness, family, Football, fun, Grace, health, Inspiration, invisible disease, Jesus, lifestyle, Living with Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Living with MS, Maintaining Faith, MS Fight Club, prayer, Relapsing Remitting MS, Stress and MS, toddlers, Uncategorized on November 14, 2021
This happens every year. This year I think the inauguration of Autumn baking thoughts happened when our daughter and I were watching B carve Halloween Pumpkins for our little family. But dancing skeletons evolved into dancing sugarplums. Or perhaps it was watching Charlie Brown’s great pumpkin that evolved into musings of pumpkin bread Christmas.
I love the distraction of post-Halloween plans. I mean I put up a few decorations for Halloween, and I think some decor is fun for the Holiday, but I see some people do an overload of focusing on evil and finding that humorous. For example, each year the neighbor behind us picks some dark theme and decorates accordingly. This neighbor is technically not on our street. But the upstairs master bedroom has a deck/patio that can view our backyard. Some years ago, with the rere-lease of It, for Halloween, the neighbor hung a massive decorative sheet from his upstairs bedroom patio so everyone at the end of our street, or anyone who dared take a detour down our street would have a clear leave nothing to the imagination view of Pennywise and all his bloody-faced glory, having no regard for little ones who might be traumatized by seeing a glimpse.
Unfortunately, when another neighbor asked them to take it down and to keep in mind those little and innocent trick-or-treater’s eyes who should be protected from seeing that, the neighbor saw himself as a self-appointed messenger doing everyone a favor and said, “Mind your own business, besides kids will see it eventually.” Lord, have mercy! We had the displeasure of seeing that nightmare one Halloween, but thankfully on the flip side, those same neighbors have not used their back deck since then to hang anything.
Now, I am not trying to portay myself as an innocent. I read Stephen King as a teenager and an early twenty-something, but my time reading dark literature was satisfied after I finished It. My late Granny took all five of the grandkids (I am the oldest) to the circus every year as youngsters when Ringling Brothers were in town, so I grew up liking clowns. However, the novel about Pennywise changed my appreciation of clowns and they ceased being fun. That novel really changed my simplistic view because apparently, clowns are not always happy.
Who can explain the nonsensical ramblings of a Jenn? Certainly not I. And that may or may not have any correlation to anything, When all of a sudden, my little brain thinks snowmen, more specifically, giggling about Olaf’s sweet ignorance of being a happy snowman in summer. And then there’s the fragrance of cinnamon inspired goodies like baking gingersnaps, pumpkin bread or snickerdoodles! Yum! Maybe it was because we had a short ‘bout of cooler temperatures, that reminded me of winter, though I’m about three weeks early… which then inspired me to think snowflakes again and cause me to bake because why wouldn’t I associate gingersnaps with autumn? They go together. Then winter solstice and just a few days later Christmas? Or maybe it was when my 2-year-old handed me a book to read her – the story about how that green thief who stole Christmas.
Praise God for all these distractions with my surgery coming up so there’s zero opportunity to fixate on worrying when I know God’s in control.
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One year ago…
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Bible, debateable, Faith, Faith in the Midst of Illness, family, Football, fun, Grace, health, Inspiration, invisible disease, Jesus, life, lifestyle, Living with Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Living with MS, Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Maintaining Faith, marriage, Marriage Encouragement, MS, MS Fight Club, Multiple Sclerosis, Nervous System, Neurological Conditions, news, prayer, Relapsing Remitting, Relapsing Remitting MS, Stress and MS, toddlers, trends to consider, Uncategorized, Women with MS on November 7, 2021
My PCP diagnosed me with anemia. A few months later, I received the hypercalcaemia diagnosis from my endocrinologist, quickly followed by an Osteoporosis diagnosis and put on a drug that might cause me to lose a tooth or two. I want to be off that drug ASAP. Despite all the cumulative crap I’ve been dealing with since ‘17, I finally have a sliver of good news to share.
My endocrinologist at my July appointment basically threw-up his hands and said he’s sending me to an ENT because my symptoms don’t match my numbers, but he believes there’s something indicitive of a tumor, although the thyroid and parathyroid ultrasounds and nuclear medicine tests revealed nothing. My downward spiral of symptoms going from a pretty healthy patient (minus the MS) to going straight down a toilet as my gait in just a few months became that of a 90-year-old trying to be purposeful with each labored step.
Last weekend at church, as I walked to my vehicle and I heard someone behind me and glanced back to see who it was. The older gentleman has always reminded me of my late grandfather and I stopped so he could catch-up to me. He said he had never seen me walk so slow. I laughed and asked if it was really that noticable. Then he went on to explain how he’d always seen me actively chasing the little ones all over and then said he was keeping me in prayer. I tend to be guarded about sharing anything specific, but last Sunday morning, I was confident that the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to share with a few people at church that I was scheduled for surgery December 15 for a pararthyroidectomy.
My endocrinologist did send me to an ENT, who after viewing all the pictures, labs and radiology reports, sent me to another ENT. Well that ENT sent me to his ENT, who is head of the ENT department at the university in town and his MA was able to schedule me for an appointment to see him a week later. I told B I was tempted to cancel the appointment because I was tired of wasting my time and being referred and referred to another doctor, and another doctor, etc. B asked me to keep the appointment and if I still walked away after the appointment feeling dislcouraged and like I wasted my time, then we would seek other treatment. Funny how I get so frustrated that I might have some extreme tendencies to for example, jump off cliffs because it just makes more sense to me to do something drastic , ya know) and then B has this level of discernment that can reel me in and produce peace with a few words.
Well that ENT, about 60 seconds into the appointment, said he had viewed and studied the pictures of my parathyroid and explained he believed at least one part, potentially two of the four-part parathyroid had tumors. I asked him how long he had specialized in ENT studies. 30 years. Only 30 years!! Then he said, “ I’ve seen this before, these symptoms and pictures . I’m confident if we do the 15 minute surgery to take out the parathyroid, that you should start feeling better almost immediately in the recovery room.” And with those few words, those tear ducts started filling up. You might remember that this girl does not cry…. her eyes sweat.
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The end of the tunnel just became brighter…
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Bible, Faith, family, health, Inspiration, Living with Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Living with MS, Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Maintaining Faith, MS, MS Fight Club, Multiple Sclerosis, Neurological Conditions, prayer, Relapsing Remitting, Relapsing Remitting MS, Stress and MS, toddlers, Uncategorized, Women with MS on November 5, 2021
When MS became more than MS with the unforseen truckload of additional health issues caused by the drug Lemtrada, I really questioned God and his faithfulness. I’m very aware there was never a guarantee that my life would be obstacle free. In fact as a Christian, it is a sure thing that God will allow trials for my own growth.
Having problems pushed me to know him better or have I reacted by becoming closed-up or anti-social?
As problems manifest, I have been prone to isolation. It’s way more comfortable than sharing anything for which folks will likely shun me anyway. So, in a sense I’m doing my future self a favor. Right? Totally. Except. God didn’t create any person to survive alone, but thrive with others to support, encourage, lift-up during times such as these. And there I was isolating myself at home, doing distance church from my iPad at home to avoid being a burden or a slow-poke with my cane or avoid questions like , “what happened?” from nosy-nellies posing as concerned people who care.
Ouch. Thank you, Lord for convicting me of being narcissistic and shame on me for doubting anyone’s intentions. That’s my normal reaction, but it dawned on me, (again thank you, Lord) last week watching church, that with all this crap going on with my health, that I have a fantastic testimony opportunity. And so after many weeks at home during church, but watching from a distance, I put on my big-girl pants and went back to church.
For an incredible reason. For B and I to have our two-year-old daughter dedicated at church. Didn’t I mention we had a foster child in our home? That we officially adopted at the beginning of August?
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Ongoing Variables
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Bible, Faith, Faith in the Midst of Illness, family, Grace, health, Inspiration, invisible disease, Jesus, life, lifestyle, Living with Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Living with MS, Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Maintaining Faith, marriage, Marriage Encouragement, MS, MS Fight Club, Multiple Sclerosis, Nervous System, Neurological Conditions, prayer, Relapsing Remitting, Relapsing Remitting MS, Stress and MS, Uncategorized, Women with MS on April 6, 2021
Prior to the five day Lemtrada treatment in ’16, a team of lab consultants and vampires phlebotemists took eight vials of blood along with the contents of my bladder to establish my base-lines for what my normal numbers were. My thyroid, and red and white blood cells were all completely within a normal range in that analysis two weeks prior to the Lemtrada commencement. Even with Multiple Sclerosis, all these were very much within the range labeled “normal.” I’m explaining this because the following will be somewhat of a brief meaning of the physiological changes that occurred following treatment. We knew of the potential side effects that could happen and from reading the disclosures, there were definitely adverse side effect occurances. With the information that MS could be eliminated through the treatment, I saw the treatment as a calculated risk.
Well, I became the Lemtrada anomaly. My neurologist received reports following those monthly labs to show how my body continued to respond to the treatment. About five months post Lemtrada my thyroid started showing things were changing so off I went to an endocrinologist who put me on medication to control the overcompensating hyperthyroid and a few months later, it became hypothyroidism for my underactive thryoid. Apparently my thyroid couldn’t make up its mind.
In the middle of all this the endocrin diagnosed me with Hashimotos, with vague instructions to stay away from gluten. I thought for a second that that was going to be easy to stay away! How silly was I? Once I researched gluten and found that it was in bread – I love baking bread – and that gluten is in so many of my favorite things {read as nearly everything} many candies I enjoy that include red licorice. But then once I became intentional to stay away from gluten for a month, which began in February 2019, things changed. Those chronic gut aches finally ceased. Over time, gluten-free has become more of a staple in grocery stores as gluten-free snack options are more available. While all these changes started in me and I needed to create my new normal , I was delighted to discover gluten-free snacks in stock with Amazon Prime. Did I mention Gluten-free chocolate covered pretzels?!?! Yum! Simply delightful.
Then a couple months later, the medication changed back to control my hyperthyroid’s overactive antics, but that didn’t go well but after all the nonsense, my numbers finally leveled-off. Then, of all the obscure causes why I didn’t respond well to the prescription, my endocrin said I was allergic to the dye in the prescription pills, so she wrote the Rx in such a way so my pharmacy filled the Rx with non-dyed pills. But then my encodcrinologist moved to Sweden and I was not responding well to the medication anyway so I opted to elimininate the idea of finding another endocrinologist. I didn’t really like her. My first appointment with her was weird. She asked many questions about when and how the MS was diagnosed and in that I explained that auto-immune was in my genes so it was definitely in my genetic make up to rear it’s ugly head. The doc’s take-away was telling me that I missed my calling to go to medical school and figure out why my MS was affecting me and why auto-immune put a target on my family or why Lemtrada screwed up my physiology. Apparently her playbook for me was to discover why I should’ve become a world-reknowned doctor who discovered a cure for MS. I’m not kidding or exagerating about one iota of this.
I would love to say I fired that doc, but timing was such that when I decided to not see this endocrin any longer, she went MIA over-seas. I took the opportunity to be in control, which I should’ve done at the beginning of all this nonsense and researched thyroid supplements and those most highly rated on Amazon. I read many reviews and ordered one supplement. I took for a couple months, but then after I decided that chronic diarhea, even as a temporary side-effect really sucked, I ordered a different highly rated supplement. And “Behold! No chronic diarhea? We had a winner!” Said Jenn after taking it for a month with no unwelcome side-effects. So with the supplement, I felt decent and have continued taking it for a few years now.
Then last September, my (now remember I had to agree to monthly labs for five years following Lemtrada.). Things started changing again with my physiology and my neurologist called and asked me to take a copy of my labs with me to see my PCP. What’s changed this time? I started feeling sick in mid-September ’20. Those labs said I was anemic. Apparently, as of February I’m no longer anemic, but if that’s true why am I still experiencing heart palpitations? Coincidentally, I just felt lousy. This coming December, it will have been five years since Lemtrada ended, but changes were still happening. My internal system has allegedly flushed the toxic chemical cocktail from my body, but things are going awry. For a couple years I put reading my Bible on hold while I was working through my anger at God for allowing our first foster placement after two years with us from birth, be sent to an unknown distant family member in St. Louis.
Perhaps the stress from that situation was another culprit for making my health go sideways. Whatever is going on, I feel like I’m in a fight for my life right now. My new Endocrin tested me for a list of about 25 things in December. A few of those things included conditions related to osteoporosis because with my initial intake appointment with him, he looked at my prior bloodwork and saw that in my urine, there is a high level of calcium, which isn’t normal. My body is leaking calcium. I’m too young to have osteoporosis. Which means I will need surgery to put a stop to this and have my parathyroid removed. I sought a second opinion and that doctor was in agreement that the parathyroid is indeed the problem child. I have an appointment for a bone density scan which should confirm the need for surgery and with the parathyroid removed, it should put a stop to the “calcium leak.”
https://youtube.com/watch?v=X1eMZWiOJ0a0&feature=share
Last June I began reading my Bible again and it’s timely that I am reading Job in the middle of my own health nightmare. God is faithful. I’ve seen and experienced healing in myself and others in years passed. But I’ve doubted him so much and prayed for my own end in order to to be rid of what I know will likely be temporary pain and discomfort. The pain and chronic discomfort that I’ve felt in the last six months is like nothing I’ve experienced before. God healed my MS in 2005. He healed my Dad’s cancer and continues to keep it away. So how dare I doubt his goodness?!?! One of B’s clients has a mom who is also a believer and she told my husband she had a dream about me and that she received a word that I would be healed. But like the Isrealites and their chronic complaining through the desert for 40 years for an 11 day journey, I have to keep my faith and remind myself that like Danny Gokey’s song, I “Just Haven’t Seen It Yet.” The light at the end of the tunnel has become faint, but I have to have faith that my struggles have not been in vain.
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You may remember…
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Babies, Bible, Faith, Inspiration, life, Maintaining Faith, prayer on March 29, 2021
I had mentioned/blogged some years ago about B and I being foster parents. I will review at some point the events that transpired between ’17 and ’18 when I think it’s the appropriate time to share… However, what matters most, right now, in this moment, is that we are still technically fostering, but we’re also in the process of adopting.
Our little was 2-days-old when the county called and asked, “You still have your crib available?” We gained custody directly from the hospital and the birth mom was entirely committed to being at every opportunity to see her baby and bond. About eight months later, rumors about Covid started gaining traction and by March, states began issuing the “Stay home” orders. Unfortunately, because of how quickly Covid was spreading, it was also necessary to close the visitation center where fosters and biological parents were meeting a couple of times per week.
I asked the case worker for the biological mom’s phone number and email so she and I could set up a weekly Zoom time so visual meetings could continue , which to make everything easy, was the same time I brought the baby to see her birth-mom at the center. The visitation center kept track of when all parties showed-up, so since they were closed, I kept a record of when I logged-in to Zoom meetings and when or if the mom showed-up. The heart-breaking thing is that of those twenty-some weeks opportunities to meet via Zoom, were available, the biological-mom showed less than 10 times.
Then last Fall, the expected court dates happened, TPR was finalized and the court declared to let us adopt. It’s been bitter-sweet. Please, don’t get me wrong! It’s been the most exciting thing for B and I to finally be this close to adopting. The sadness is recognizing that while T’s birth-mom has lost her daughter, we’re gaining a daughter. Thank you, God.
Bitter-sweet…
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Our world has been sufficiently rocked.
Posted by crusaderjennblog in adoption, Faith, family, Jesus, lifestyle, Living with MS, Maintaining Faith, marriage, prayer, Uncategorized on March 10, 2016
No, really. Two months into the new year – by the way – tangent warning, I really hate resolutions – read last new year’s entry rant why I have never made a resolution because if I want to make changes, I just do it and do not require a calendar date to keep a countdown, keep me motivated or keep me accountable, etc. What I did do was make a commitment to myself to become active again in addition to my existing regimen of weights and stationary biking. I swam competitively through high school and college, but recently determined I’d do something different and start running. Because I could. For years, I’ve been scared to try because of that whole stint in a wheelchair for five years, but got over myself and tried to run and guess what?! I did. My husband has always been my biggest and best cheerleader and talked me into being fitted for proper running shoes based on the correct support for our surrounding terrain. I did get fitted, then researched price, ordered and as an added benefit, those running shoes are even the colors of my Seahawks! Yay for me and GO HAWKS!! But the colors were never even a real consideration. So those new running shoes arrived and I initially wore them at the gym on the treadmill, assessed and was confident that I could in fact run. I mapped out my running route in the neighborhood to start the following day and then God ripped the carpet from under me and said, “Jenn, I have other plans for you” when we received an unexpected call later that evening.
You might recall a previous post about a year ago that I finally shared with my husband the snapshots that I’d seen for the prior twelve plus months. Remember? After I shared that little tid-bit of info, B essentially sat me at the table with a bright light shining on me to question me and determine how serious I was,then after the FBI- style interrogation, he determined I was on the up and up because that’s how completely unexpected it was for B to hear me mention, “Well maybe we’re still here because we’re supposed to adopt a child.” Eleven years ago, after the failed attempt to adopt a baby from China, when a year into the process we were declined to adopt because of my MS, the subject of children in our own home had become the topic of which we no longer spoke. So imagine how unexpected the suggestion nearly a decade later…
As Christians we seek God’s will and pray for God’s prompting for major decisions, but with my ‘epiphany’ we were even more resolved to make sure that this vision was really from the Almighty. The weeks following the ‘interrogation’ were filled with prayer and research and then in July 2015, we began the 10-week journey to become licensed for foster to adopt through the state. In addition to a plethora of info, we obtained CPR/First Aid certifications, reinstalled the pool-fencing, had two home-studies, installed the necessary magnet locks and fire-extinguishers, obtained a crib and the path was smooth-sailing, confirming yet another answer that what we were doing was indeed, God-led.
However, what had become disappointing after completing the class and list of tasks was the continued delay of getting licensed since our social worker had estimated that would happen before the new year, but we did not hear a thing for weeks later. One of our class members had set up a closed social networking group that was created for our training class only. Many of our class-members posted pictures of their newly acquired foster munchkins. I may be kind of sort of admitting that the green monster had more than likely, undeniably and most definitely bit me. Hard. I’m blessed to have a spiritually strong husband with excellent discernment. Most of the time I operate on logic, but there was nothing about this situation that ever spoke logic, so that overwhelming left-brain-ness went right impulsively emotional on me. B helped me realize that the green monster’s name was “Obama” when I had this sense of missing out on my fair share, but once again my wise husband pointed out that this entire process was about stretching our faith in God’s timing by not taking control where those control-freak tendencies might have in the past.
Back to that unexpected call… Our licensing social worker finally called in February that the center had received a baby. A baby!?! A baby. A baby was never on my radar because those visions were always of a toddler. But what then came to me was that our licensing SW said in class was that “adoption may not happen with your first placement…,” but I also thought this could be good experience for both of us. B had those same thoughts, called the case worker, we asked many questions, after which we prayed and determined we’d pick-up that baby the following morning. Talk about a world-rocking situation… Most people have nine months to prepare for a newborn. You know that whole thing of what to expect when you’re pregnant? We had 12 hours. But, here we are weeks later, very much operating as ships-passing-in-the night-zombie-mode, if that is a real condition. We are sleep-deprived starved and ‘conversations’ have become limited to Neanderthal-like grunts and groans of exhaustion. Lord, I apologize to any Neanderthals out there who read blogs, let alone have the wherewithal to take offense at my very tired sense of humor.
Next you might read about the monopoly of over-priced “Baby” targeted gear.
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It is well with my soul
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, Inspiration, Living with MS on July 22, 2015
I love the newer version of this old hymn and God has continued to use this song to keep me and my thoughts in-check because at times, and I’ll be honest, I’ve gone from zero negativity to Defcon Red in milliseconds, for which there is really no valid reason. Those reasons have been ridiculous and those worries have been entirely unfounded. The “what if?” game and I have been on again, off again roommates and I still have to work at kicking-out the unwanted guest when they attempt to argue, sit down and makes themselves at home for an extended stay as they readily rehash what’s wrong in my life, when all I must do is counter-hash everything that is right. Here is Matt Redman’s version of “It Is Well With My Soul.”
I have been so very blessed! In 2001 my MS was on a fast-track quickly retrogressing and I became dependent upon using a wheelchair full-time. 2015 marks 10 years since I regained feeling in my legs, was healed and able to again walk and not require the assistance of a wheelchair. Thank you, Lord.
My Dad was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year ago in 2014. With each quarterly exam, the cancer was confirmed with the understanding that because it was a slow-growing cancer, nothing was an emergency, but it would need to be monitored. My Dad’s quarterly cancer check-up and biopsy in June came back, “No cancer.” As in with all the many many samples they extracted, there was NO TRACE of it. Thank you, Lord.
Our oldest kitty Thor, died at end of April- just a couple of months ago. He was with us 18 years and he lived a pretty long and happy life filled with chasing string and consistent purrs. We adopted Thor shortly after B and I married. Our youngest kitty, Zephyr was diagnosed with kidney stones last winter and because of the process of going under the knife, we’ve hesitated to get him the surgery. With our loss of Thor, the Lord knew we needed some comfort and allowed Zephyr to be instrumental in providing that with lots of loves and cuddles as we mourned, but we remained worried that his condition would also take him from us too soon. Zephyr is now stone-free. Thank you, Lord.
My husband had a bad cough for about a year and the doctor said it was fine. It went away and then the cough started again and I kept reminding B to go to his doctor to see what was going on. They did a full exam and also ran an x-ray this time around. The x-ray was clear and everything is absolutely fine with his lungs except that the doc put him on an allergy regimen and now that painful cough is almost completely gone. Thank you, Lord.
I doubt that there are any other Christians out there who have ever been able to relate to being control-freaks or worrying excessively. What? You might resemble being controlling? You worry about stuff too? Then you can relate… I guess that somehow I believed in my very misguided perception is that if I worried needlessly about anything big or small, that things will get better or something ridiculous like that. I am thankful that God has a plan and that through my worries, He’s waited patiently for me to step-back, give him those reigns for my inner control-freak extraordinaire and just let him be God. It’s a process and I am an active work-in-progress with needing to remind myself daily that, “‘He’s got this, Jenn.” It’s very silly the amount of control that I perceive I have. I believe that the above situations served for no other purpose than to get my faith on-track. But then, it may not be all about me, so perhaps my perspective is selfish in that the listed situations were to grow my faith, when those also could have also served to grow my husband’s faith, my Dad faith, my Mom’s faith and / or my Sister’s faith…
As B and I have again felt led to pursue adoption, our faith has very much been stretched. It’s far from ideal circumstances since we’re older and have less money than the first time we attempted to adopt in ’07, but God’s bigger. We’ve been called to just be obedient to his guidance. He’s bigger than our perceived ideal circumstances and we have questions, but more than anything, we must trust in him.
Relinquishing control is not easy, but I’m confident that considering my own life is just a little blip on God’s screen, that He can see all things past, present and future and that there is a Divine purpose for him allowing you or me or any other person to go through anything. Those situations are either good or bad character building or faith building.
What are you made of? Do you struggle with doubt? What kind of situations have challenged your own faith?
Jenn
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It’s come to my attention that I’m clairvoyant
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family on July 16, 2015
And it’s not anything that I ever wanted, but I guess since it’s not in any way a career path, we’re all good. Since my left brain-ness typically only considers the literal about most things, it takes me a while to ‘get’ anything outside the box, because I’m legalistic that way. In summary of this situation, one might say, I failed to add two and two, where the most basic of addition would have lead me to recognize a simple correlation between nearby regional earthquakes and a challenging vertigo episode that often begins within a few hours to 48 hours before a quake. Perhaps it all depends on how slow or fast the tectonic plates shift or how massive the seismic activity in my geographic region? Is there a seismic expert in the house?
I only recognized this during the recent few months that with each earthquake that has occurred within my region in the last 20 years, I’ve experienced severe vertigo. By ‘severe’, I mean vertigo that has me seeing doubles/triples and everything around me spinning at an exponential speed. How’s that for fun? On the bright side, this ‘fun’ occurs without warning and gives me a sensation that I am taking full advantage of an unlimited pass to ride all the twisting and turning roller-coasters on this planet – all in a few minutes. Yay for me! Now the reality is that one of these unwelcome vertigo episodes begins with spinning and often gets worse through the first day only to climax until the earthquake occurs. Then as a final reminder to not forget that this unwelcome guest stopped-by and overstayed its welcome, it provides a sickness ‘hangover’ for at least a day after the event. When you’ve been sick with a cold or flu for example and have taken those fantastic symptom hiding over-the-counter treatments like the, “Sniffling, sneezing, head-aching, so you can rest magic,” and wake the next morning feeling a little more clear-headed, but wondering where and what barricade you hit going 55 miles per hour, that’s the medicine hangover I’m talking about, as I wouldn’t know anything about other types.
When the most recent episode occurred June 23, I posted to the social network: I said something to the effect that, “History states whenever I experience a severe case of vertigo, an earthquake occurs in my geographic region within 48 hours, but I hope for once I will be a false prophet.” So, 48 hours came and went and nothing happened. Except it did. But I’m not on the network enough to see comments or even watch the local news because I might at times resemble living under a rock when said vertigo occurs. Watching TV and reading the paper is impossible when I see doubles and triples of everything. So, a friend saw my post and watched our regional news closely and notified me that a quake occurred on our fault line. In Alaska. Another quake occurred May 22 – same situation in me having vertigo a couple days ahead. We also had a quake earlier in the year and like clock-work, vertigo set in a couple days in advance. So wherever we’ve lived, vertigo is indicative of an earthquake within 48 hours. I believe there’s a correlation between how much of he human body is water (60-75%) depending on which expert and just like the changing tides and the closer a full moon gets to earth, there is something that sets off my balance and the liquid in my inner-ear that goes wonky with seismic activity.
You probably agree that my husband had an interesting perspective about this. B’s interpretation was that upon me discovering my ‘ability” to foresee earthquakes, I should also consider that God’s using this ability to communicate with me. Wow! That interpretation was unexpected. Decades ago at the private school, my classmate’s nickname for me, was ‘Doubting Thomas,’ which could not be more accurate than it is now. And the reason it’s relevant is because for over a year, I’ve received these ‘snapshots’ that just appear in my head. These uninspired and by uninspired, I haven’t seen a tear-jerker commercial, for example, but these snapshots have been of me or B or both of us with one or two children, but since we don’t have children, I got into the habit of quickly disregarding these ‘snapshots.’ (I’ll share with you later about B’s reaction a few months ago to my confession about the snapshots). And that’s why B’s interpretation is that just like I foresee earthquakes, God’s trying to show me that these snapshots are going to be reality. What? Whoa, Dude! No way! Is this even a reasonable possibility? Yes. Matthew 19:26. And Mark 9:24 has also become a daily reference. Dear Lord, I want to believe and I think I believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!
Are you clairvoyant or have you experienced anything like this or have you been a witness to someone experiencing this?
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Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family, health, Inspiration, life, marriage, MS on May 12, 2015
Updating and sharing… I get so caught-up in doing irrelevant tasks like decorating the house (as I should have done years ago) and baking and currently researching to understand trends, that when I’m riding such a wave of momentum that I cannot stop or maybe I don’t stop? Shortly after I completed the ‘making our house a home’ ordeal back in early April, I was able to again join a gym. I’ve missed that daily habit for several years and when my MS improved back in ’05 and we were still in WA, I joined a gym and enlisted the help of a trainer who coincidentally also has MS, and provided me with a detailed program of cardio exercises, strength-building and toning exercises for me to keep some level of strength. But, since moving, I really had not been in a gym in years. I’m thankful most of the strength that I’d built remained during my gym absence and I was able to work the same major and minor muscle groups each day that I did earlier, so it took only a couple of weeks to get back into the habit in 2015. So once again these activities became part of my current routine with lifting four days a week, and doing between 7-10 miles of cardio on my recumbent bike at home daily.
Another project that’s had my ongoing attention is getting our pool ready for Pool-Season. During winter and early spring, there’s a minor level of maintenance required except after days of excessive wind and leaves blowing into the pool a few days each month. We had a couple of weeks of windy weather in late April, which resulted in a slightly cloudy pool from all the dust and then the vacuüm stopped working, but was not clogged so I enlisted a professional to diagnose our pool’s problem. I didn’t know what I didn’t know and I hate to claim ignorance, but there were a few steps that went ignored with our pool maintenance. So after cleaning the filters and getting ALL the appropriate equipment, with my newly acquired knowledge of ALL the steps, the pool is running just fine for the coming summer Pool-Season, which now that we’re consistently involved with our small group from church and they’re aware of our pool, there are definite expectations of us hosting pool-related barbecues/get-togethers.
Also relating to Pool-Season, my hair is short again. Long hair gets hot on my neck and I gripe about it for a month, even with it pulled-up in a pony-tail and I finally give in to getting it cut. It’ll grow back, unless I determine the shorter do is a keeper… Another thing is for years, my sister has been on me to watch Mad Men and a couple of weeks ago, B and I tried it a third time and well…we’re finally in. Jon Hamm is gorgeous, which has nothing to do with anything, but have you seen “Million Dollar Arm”? He’s definitely also a DB in that film just like he is in MM… And Peggy? Why didn’t anyone catch-on to her being pregnant? I called that long before she even started showing… Speaking of pregnancy, my sister is due in August and we’re once again attempting to adopt, but this time is different so more on that later.
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