Posts Tagged answer to prayer
Star Date 3-9-15 and it’s been 120 years since my last log-in
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, Inspiration on March 9, 2015
or maybe it’s been days, but either way, it seems eons since I last had an opportunity to think in non-organizing mode, let alone blog mode… Much has happened and has had my attention focused on many important matters. I have my hand in at least 40 cookie-jars right now – one of which is literally full of German Chocolate cake cookies ready to eat on-demand. Don’t judge. My homemade treats power-ups are yummy and will provide for whatever the moment calls – sugary-sweet-goodness, energy comfort, inspiration, etc. for things like finally UNpacking the plethora of now empty boxes and decorating our home with the contents of said boxes. My mom helped to pick-out and decorate the home we built back in ’05 because she has a good eye (actually she has two) for choosing and determining the best placement for whatever accessory. But since my Mom’s over 1000 miles away, I have to pretend to have an interior designer and Nate Berkus is the only available party to show-up because I’m on a limited zero budget like that and because I can barely see him via my out-dated iPad on YouTube in my living room like that. Following Mom’s and NB’s lead, it finally looks like a home after only (ahem) three years in this house…
The interior of my our home appears just a little different and even smells different thanks to the aforementioned cookies. I now hate leaving the house for entirely different reasons, which around the last time I blogged, I believe I wrote relating to how much work it is to be friendly or social with others and dealing with changing my agoraphobic-like tendencies for the purpose to cease being a hermit. And boy have things changed!?! This isn’t to brag (perhaps a little), but every week since the beginning of February, I’ve attended our weekly small-group and even participated! Yay for me, but before I get into everything else happening, I need to mention that mid-February 2015 marked the 10 year anniversary when God began paving the way to and allowing the small changes that evolved into big changes that allowed me to walk again sans using the always packed wheelchair that became necessary to get me from a parking lot into a store for a shopping trip. Thank you, Lord to sustaining me and continuing to sustain me! When I began to regain feeling and started walking on my own once again, unintentionally, I began walking differently. High-stepping became the new normal, but I didn’t think twice about it as I was walking! Did I mention ‘walking’?
Over the years, I periodically had issues with my left hip giving me pain, but I took an ibuprofen and disregarded the inconvenience as I had more important things to consider – like the fact that I was WALKING! Back then, I almost immediately made a goal to do a triathlon because I believed I could and would, but what I didn’t realize was that because of the MS related numbness, lack of feeling and absence of strength in my right side for years, the high-stepping would do a great deal of damage to my good and stronger left side-regardless of the muscle I had built. (That whole brain-relay-to-body issue was a problem.) Yes, doing a triathlon was a lofty goal, but I worked-out and trained like I would do it one day.
‘Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes. Too high or too low, there ain’t no in-betweens. And if I stand or I fall, it’s all or nothing at all, Darling I don’t know why I go to extremes.’ (thank you for such an appropriate song, Billy Joel). I love that song. It’s not the most upbeat, but those lyrics still resonate because I tend to consistently fail in finding the middle-ground. Left or right, black or white… Thus, my inability to effectively self-manage because I become so consumed with accomplishing whatever has taken over my thoughts. And when I finally gained a realistic understanding that what MS took away can never be returned or rebuilt, I became discouraged, angry and essentially quit trying because it seemed my efforts were in vain. I mean, why bother? With anything…
But once I got over myself after years of this unhealthy outlook and during the last several weeks, the years of fogginess lifted, I quit being stubborn and I gained a new level of clarity that I have not seen in a very long time. So imagine that combined with the new Bible study, which coincidentally began the same week, convicted me of being apathetic. Oh-no-You-di-n’t! And oh-yes-He-did because the first chapter was about doing something. Nothing specific, but ‘Do something, Jenn’ was what I kept hearing, seeing and everywhere. I hate that feeling. That feeling is unacceptable. So, I did something. I volunteered at church doing some things that are a great fit. 1. I joined the church-cleaning team and my particular group within the 16 member team cleans every four weeks. 2. I am also now a Sunday School teacher to two and three-year-olds, aka the fabulous ‘Super Juniors.’ Which makes me very much miss my own sweet niece and super-junior-size nephew…
Brain on overload, thoughts all over the place… this will require a few attempts to write an installment…oh how I’ve missed your non-judgmental patience as I get my feces collated, Blog…
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Let’s talk about intentions
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, marriage on February 5, 2015
Merriam Webster’s website (2015) defines intention as a noun and “something you aim to do” or a “purpose.” I believe that most people hope and aim to do their best and make intentions / commitments accordingly, therefore one might say that, “They had the best INTENTIONS.” I occasionally hear and read emails from or about people admitting to an event or something they intended to do, but obviously failed since the word was in the past-tense. Failed intentions are quickly given a pass because that wasn’t their, let’s say it together, INTENTION. The word is over-used and loosely-used to excuse an over-commitment (lie) / bad behavior or a failure. Now I’m confident that there are a great many who will call me judgmental and say I lack tolerance of people’s situations and go on to say that I must be perfect, blah, blah blah… I am far from perfection, but as a Christian, I try to do better than the day before and never over-commit. I was once one of those obtuse folks who over-committed and later canceled last-minute because I had the best of intentions to participate in making some donated goodies, for example, or however I committed only to later realize I committed to an activity in which I aimed to participate, that I really never had any intention of being involved. Okay, now get over yourself because you wouldn’t be that defensive if you weren’t also guilty of this.
At one time, I intended / committed to make cookies every Sunday for our old church. It was a small church and I needed to make only seven dozen cookies, which I often made every Saturday-night for the next morning. Considering how much I love baking, it was a very small act of service, but there came a point a few months later after doing this every weekend when I became bored and would cancel because I just didn’t feel like baking. Granted I had health issues that were becoming a contributing factor in this, but I should have resigned from my commitment ahead of time instead of being proud and stubborn. I spoke with someone about this and Mickey pointed out to me that intentions can go either way – we either do what we committed to do or we intend to not follow-through. When he further explained that it’s either/or or pass/fail, my eyes were opened more widely because I think like many, we think our intentions outweigh outcomes. But they do not.
About intentions in marriage…
Commitments / intentions should be as solid as your marriage vows and upheld. You make a commitment to your spouse and you should do whatever you have to to make sure you do not fail. Obviously, emergencies happen and must be accommodated, but a commitment remains a commitment. Over recent months this has become somewhat of a thing in my marriage. We’re working on 19 years together, but it’s been fairly consistent during only the last couple of years that B’s intentions to do something for me have some sort of ‘optional’ clause to not follow-through, perhaps? It is a bit hurtful, I admit, but because he intended to follow-through, I think he thinks that he should receive points for the intention, I guess? Now these broken commitments are small in the grand scheme and are not by any means divorce-worthy. However, it remains hurtful that I might have become somewhat of a sacrifice, as he makes sure he follows-through with each commitment beyond us. Perhaps he doesn’t want to appear a flake among coworkers or peers?
It’s interesting that people have such varying perspectives on intentions with spouses. For one individual, an intention to a spouse is as good as a signed contract and they will move mountains to ensure the intention/commitment remains unbroken, but for another, who sees their spouse as ‘just my husband’ or ‘just my wife,’ they have given themselves the option to fail [Stop taking your spouse for granted!], when it should be the complete opposite as they should elevate their spouse’s importance instead of diminishing it. Commitments to a spouse to fix an appliance or prepare a platter of goodies for coworkers or whatever the task is should be more important than commitments to non-spouses since you’re married to one and only work with or for another. I’ve never understood those who say things like that because essentially, they have lessened their spouses role and therefore their spouse’s value. Many years ago, I attended a work-related event with my husband and when his boss walked-up and asked who I was, I smiled and said, “I’m just B’s wife, Jennifer.” B’s boss responded with, “Hmm, you mean you ARE his wife and not just his wife…” That might have been eye-opening for me because there I was speaking condescendingly about myself.
Now, I must explain that my husband is NOT a monster. I think at times his focus gets wrapped-up in whatever project has his attention and that he doesn’t see the looming ‘something’s got to give’ warning sign up ahead. Unfortunately, that something is most often me because typically I am an understanding wife I attempt to be an understanding wife. I suspect there might be a few others in a similar situation and am curious how you address a concern with your spouse or do you prefer to avoid it? What is your best approach? What is your coping-mechanism? I like wine, which may or may not be relevant in this situation, but I believe that I just stumbled upon another blog-post idea…
~Jenn
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What I learned from football…
Posted by crusaderjennblog in family, Football on February 3, 2015
…is that nearly everyone is a coach [Monday Morning Quarterbacks, you know who you are]. This is my final take-away from watching the entire season of games. Last Sunday’s Super Bowl ended my first complete NFL season of watching, following and learning. I’m obviously far from being an expert like you, but are not most of us who lack the history of EVER being an NFL coach? I posted to Facebook immediately following the Hawks loss to New England, something short – ‘Great game Hawks and Congrats Patriots,’ but couldn’t believe the feed posted relating to the Hawk’s losing the big game that demanded immediate termination of Pete Carroll. Those same individuals (guilty of Monday Morning quarterbacking) generously gave away what other play shoulda (should have) happened that coulda (could have) and woulda (would have) guaranteed a repeat of the Hawks winning another championship game last Sunday. [Apparently, I am surrounded by seers and clairvoyants.] Do you Monday Morning quarterbacks really think Coach Carroll failed to consider ALL the play options? It would seem a great many of you non-coaching experts like to coach from the sidelines of the social network. And since you are clearly clairvoyant, have some confidence in your abilities to foresee outcomes while also having the cojones to put your ability to use publicly so you can gain some credibility and so we can avoid the shoulda, coulda, woulda conversations in the future. Capisce? I’m just another fan (not a Monday morning or any other day of the week quarterback), who suggests that perhaps your lack of confidence in your own team assessments is more of an indication that you’re symptomatic for possibly being passive aggressive since you’re a heckler style of coach, rather than taking your team management and play concerns directly to the coach personally…
So should I suggest, “Shame on Mr. Carroll for failing to consider ALL the social network suggestions?” No, but then, I also really doubt that Pete Carroll suffers from any level of short-shortsightedness or he wouldn’t be allowed to continue coaching. Right? In several articles, Coach Carroll took full responsibility for making the call on what final play the Seahawks attempted. “I made the decision,” Carroll said. “I said, ‘Throw the ball,’ and we went with the play that we thought would give us a chance to get in the end zone. We had great match ups for the call that we made, and it didn’t work out. They made a better play than we did.” (O’Connor, ESPN, 2015) And Pete Carroll has the experience and credibility required as a paid coach to make that determination of which play to execute and when. The play didn’t win the game and that was disappointing, but the majority of us were NOT on the field next to him to offer our not-so-news-worthy insight and therefore, failed to see the ENTIRE picture of what lead to Coach Carroll’s determination.
I noticed that In addition to you Monday morning quarterbacks, apparently all you wannabe coaches are really coaches masquerading in a number of day-jobs, like entrepreneurs or working for ‘the man.’ Who would have thought that there are so many of these professionals who are really coaches in-disguise? But even more surprising was that some of these individuals have the time to successfully do so many jobs – your paid position, your football analysis position and then also act as an unpaid wannabe coach – in addition to having families. Wow! Y’all are setting the bar pretty high for simpletons like me who just want to be entertained watching a fantastic team who wants to win a game, but then I’m really just another fan who believes that those who are in the actual position of Coach – like Pete Carroll – he probably has the required qualifications to…well…Coach. So I propose instead of coaching from the sidelines like a heckler, confront the Hawk’s GM John Schneider and prove that you’re more qualified than the team’s current coach because your coaching expertise is clearly under-utilized as your wannabe coaching from a social network’s sidelines might indicate. Best of luck obtaining the position and I’ll look for your name on next season’s roster. Go Hawks!
If your ability as a clairvoyant suggested the majority of this was going to be sarcastic, congratulation for reading the obvious.
Do you also find Monday morning quarterbacks annoying? Please explain.
~Jenn
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Engaging with people is so much work
Posted by crusaderjennblog in debateable, health, Inspiration, Jesus on January 26, 2015
Friendships require work and openness. I’ve been very guarded where friendships are concerned because I have been open to a fault with a few who I believed were ‘safe’ only to regret sharing when I experienced their over-developed sense of superiority due to their own perfection, which apparently made it allowable for them to judge me. In WA, I had a smallish group of females I trusted with whom I’d go out for a girls night like for drinks and music or a movie, but upon our relocation to NV, I’ve been closed-off to making more friends. Knowing our time here is short-lived, I’ve failed to pursue making friends with anyone beyond an acquaintance level because my outlook has been, “We won’t be here long enough to make it worth the effort.” Shame on me. No, BIG SHAME ON ME and please forgive me for not bothering to be friends with you.
For many years when we committed to going-out with, for the purpose of cultivating friendships with other couples, we were always on time and to cancel last minute was never an option. Although we were consistently on the receiving end of other’s flakiness because for some and you know who you are, being a flake is a lifestyle choice. Emergencies happen and those are excusable, but failing to plan, “Our plans slipped my mind,” is NOT a reasonable excuse when you know the date of said plans. Maybe you commit, but by committing perhaps you should always provide this disclaimer, “I commit right now, but what I really mean is I’m selfish and I’ll cancel at the last possible moment never giving a thought to any arrangements you might make in the hope that I might show-up and grace you with my presence for the evening, when my regretful decline could have given you an opportunity to do something else,” is what you should say.
But then after some reflection of last year, I have clearly become a poster-child for flaky as I have became somewhat of a borderline agoraphobic. My home is my safe and happy place. I get up. I shower. I read my Bible and pray. I take care of our pets. I exercise. I bake goodies. I drink wine and even catalog it in my little black book of Wine Notes. I read books and I might play an Ap for fun on my iPad. I run errands as needed. These activities became MY own little self-created-safe-zone when I determined that 15 minutes from home is the furthest and safest acceptable distance I can be from home at any time. Our church’s small group fits that, but I’ve rarely attended any more.
Being budget-conscious and to save money, we quit using full-time air-conditioning and as a result, our home becomes suffocating hot during summer. If it’s 108 degrees outdoors, it’s around 87 indoors and multiply that if it’s humid. Just a touch hot and with MS, the heat renders me useless until the AC comes on for a couple of hours each morning and then again in the evening and when the AC comes on, I’m in recovery mode, which has been my ongoing excuse for not attending our small group except that now that we’re out of summer, there is no viable excuse for my non-attendance, which means that I evolved into what I detest and became a flake! Our small group from church started a new study last week and I attended, but came home feeling convicted for many things one of which seems to appear in red flashing bold letters, “Making excuses for not attending our small group when I can during these cooler months,” or was that flashing in red just for me?
So now that I’ve explained why I have become what I’ve become, I’m actively working to change my habits. It’s not a New Year’s resolution per se as my followers may have already read about in https://wordpress.com/post/81313185/142/ but I guess I’m reaching-out as a means of publicly recognizing I must stop my hermit-like habits, which also equates to fostering friendships and getting together for things like coffee or being friendly instead of remaining holed-up in a book or a game Ap. Step 1 was the easiest in recognizing I had a problem. It’s the next stuff that’ll present the biggest challenges for me because I can be very content with operating within my little world. Yes, I know it’s not healthy, but it’s comfortable and that’s become the biggest challenge for me with our new small group study: to go beyond my comfort-zone. I’ll keep you updated in how I fare through this what I suspect will be an uncomfortable process.
Do you have a comfort zone? Do you have a negative habit? Did you create a positive habit to replace your negative habit? Or how did you overcome it?
~Jenn
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Last weekend the Seahawks Won because of me
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, Football on January 25, 2015
I’m not so self-important to really think that I had anything to do with the Hawk’s win against the Packers last Sunday, but I do think God did allow them to win for me. The last few years my faith has been inconsistent and consistently wavering. At some point, I somehow started believing that blessings from God were performance-based. I know that my assessment of performance-based blessing is entirely false and thank God! I’m thankful He doesn’t work like that because if that were true, there’s no possibility that I would ever or could ever be blessed. Then I have to remind myself that I never deserved to be healed, but God healed the status of MS so I could walk again and not require a wheelchair full-time. I also must keep reminding myself that God continues working in my life and I also never deserved any of these ongoing blessings. So when I was watching the game last Sunday and saw the Hawks on their way to a loss in the last quarter, I kept saying to myself that my God is a God of miracles as He’s shown me with my health that miracles clearly happen. I prayed for and asked God, while also believing in a miracle that the Seahawks could still win the game.
And they did. Despite the great point deficit. Congratulations, Seahawks and know I’m praying for another win against the Patriots next weekend! GO HAWKS! Regardless of whether God allowed the Seahawks to win for me or because of my tiny faith, God knew I needed a little encouragement and through that answer, God met me where I was in my wavering mustard seed faith. Although I’m near the US gambling capital where I could have put a penny on Seattle to win, I’m confident that I wasn’t the only non-betting person praying for the Hawks to come out on top. I also believe that God knew I desperately needed something to hold onto and for him to show me He’s still in control and that despite myself, He heard even my little prayer for an irrelevant football game outcome. Thank you, Lord – I needed that. I know that positive answer helped to confirm and re-energize my faith in an unseen God who WILL move us back to WA, but I must be patient in also having faith in his perfect timing. Thank you again, Lord Jesus!
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Is the potential to make things worse, worth the risk?
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family, Jesus, MS on January 17, 2015
I’ve been in the middle of using those critical thinking skills and I think because of my tendency to analyze and reanalyze in all numbers of equations, those skills only become more and sharper to more quickly come to reasonable conclusions. I’ve been very blessed these last 10 years. Rereading that number is incredible because I had to use a wheelchair from ’01 to ’05. 10 years ago I was able to quit using a wheelchair. Wow! I’ve tried to never take for granted what I have because this disease could easily and without notice, remove a number of abilities as it did in years past. The abilities to walk, run, see, swallow and void without the proper tool for example are some things that I could not do for a number of years, so when I could do them again, I’ve tried to always remain grateful and Praise God that those abilities were returned to me and that I still have them 10 years later. The high temperatures of last summer challenged my MS. Obviously we’re months beyond last summer, but I wonder if it’s possible that the high temperatures continue to have a lingering effect on my current state.
I saw my neurologist yesterday and while I was in the waiting room I played an iPad game. Being left-brained, I’m always playing games during which I mentally analyze a number of things that do not have anything to do with the game because I can play the game on ‘automatic pilot’ therefore allowing myself to think on other issues like determining if I’ve created a symptom or whether it was already a symptom. As I was matching tiles, I noticed a feeling in my leg that I hadn’t experienced in years. Numbness and tingling. Then I disregarded what that feeling meant and continued playing. The nurse lead me to a room and I noticed the feeling again. A bit later on my way home from my neurologist’s, I was unsettled about the whole numbness episode because although I was conveniently at his office for an appointment, it seemed he was too quick to prescribe a new bout of treatment. I signed the okay to move forward because I just wanted to get home. I didn’t bother to turn on the radio while driving because I needed to pray and concentrate on what a new treatment might mean. At home I immersed myself into tasks that needed to be done before the weekend began and finally, the dam broke and my eyes sweat (I cried). When I once again acknowledged the unpredictability and reality of my disease, I researched the suggested drug and failed to see any endearing qualities so instead of filling the prescription, I’ll keep doing what I’m doing with exercise and diet.
10 years ago when I got better, I desperately needed a reboot and I quit taking the 13 symptom-chasing drugs that my prior neurologist in Washington kept prescribing for me because I needed to know if those were still necessary. When I quit taking all those drugs, I almost immediately noticed that I felt better. Feeling lucid and NOT feeling like a zombie or I guess what I assume a zombie may feel like, definitely feels better. The list of 14 side-effects of this potential new prescription from my current neurologist included 7 issues that MS currently gives me and upon further reading, those issues would likely be exacerbated with the new prescription! “hmm Let me think about this… gosh, everything sounds very enticing and like something with which I think I should definitely take some risks,” said no reasonable CrusaderJenn EVER. As I’ve already been down the road of drug cocktails and symptom-chasing, I’m content to wait this round out. I understand those who see my decision as foolish. However, please take a moment to understand that I was diagnosed 20 years ago and from MS years 7 through 12, my MS symptoms covered many of those who have a more progressive form of MS. I doubted my own longevity back then and I recently found out that my family also doubted that I’d make it to 30-years-old because my relapsing-remitting MS progressed so badly and so quickly. But God did heal me and here I am 10 years later.
I am a big fan of Pinterest and here’s the link to my MS board. I have to read this board daily as it provides me with a mental boost and some inspiration to keep Fighting the Good Fight.
http://www.pinterest.com/CrusaderJenn/ms-battling-multiple-sclerosis/
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But wait, there’s more!
Posted by crusaderjennblog in debateable, Faith, Inspiration, life, marriage on January 12, 2015
Oh the madness. It’s too frightening, dysfunctional, maybe even a bit entertaining to hear about this from my husband, B… Oh my poor husband… God clearly has reason for B working there probably because It takes a lot to rattle him and as you may recall, B is currently working for the Wannabe’s unorganized LED light company. You might also recall that OSHA is now involved and that they will be at the Wannabe’s office Wednesday to review the Wannabe’s permits, certifications (of which they have none) and to also interview current employees to understand if OSHA’s operation requirements are being met. The gentleman that was hired at the same time as B, quit today before noon as he’d had enough of the workplace insanity. My husband emailed me all of this during his lunch and said that Rinda is running around like a chicken sans head and desperately trying to make it B’s responsibility to locate the nonexistent document(s) that the Wannabes failed to obtain when they started their business almost five years ago. Remember, B was hired for sales. Well it seems that they’ve NEVER had or been required to have any of the necessary insurances or licenses or permits that are required for operating a business. Hmm, can you spell i-l-l-e-g-a-l?
I am guessing that after D suddenly quit this morning, everything will now fall to B and the unofficial employee/intern R to fix. Unless the owners can go back in time, they are in deep doo-doo. Coming from this company that knows only chaos and mismanagement, God opened the door for B to accept a new position that will begin next week. We are hoping and praying this will be the last and long-awaited position he must take before we move.
Bless D’s heart for sticking around as long as he did and I wish him the best.
.
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Now OSHA’s involved…
Posted by crusaderjennblog in B, debateable on January 10, 2015
I’m sure you can’t wait to hear the moving update, but after everything that happened this week, we might be in Nevada for a bit longer, which has nothing to do with OSHA. But before I explain the OSHA portion, I should give you the update for B. B was originally hired early November for ‘sales’ at a local (Wannabe) LED light company. I say they are Wannabes because they somehow believe that they are one of the big-boys within their industry, like Philips or GE. On their embellished business cards, they publish factual information about factories with whom they do other business because the Wannabes do not have anything close to a factory as they are existing only out of a 1000 square foot commercial business office with no operating technical equipment. Interesting, isn’t that? The owners have made it plainly evident that although they’re in America, they think they can treat their few employees like slaves yelling at and hovering over them as they run the small business like one of their home-country’s sweat-shops.
The facility is not even operating at a practical level because they are so cheap. The wife explains it’s too expensive to run heat so the facility is always frigid which causes the employees to have to bundle-up and they also can’t turn-on lights because it’s also too expensive. Do you know how challenging it is to wear gloves and use a keyboard or use a computer without light? My husband told them he needs light and the wife provided a night-light for him to use the computer. Yes, seriously. B’s been grateful for the income, but this place is completely dysfunctional. He also said that the husband looks the other way from his wife’s unethical treatment of employees because he’s focused on the technical side of their business and doesn’t want to deal with humans, although he did yell at his wife a few weeks ago (in their native language). B said when they left the office a bit later he asked the intern what they were yelling about, to which the intern said that the husband told his wife, “Quit making everything so difficult for our employees!”
Male Black Widow
Let me introduce you to the black widow spider. These not-so-little mature arachnids with bodies about the size of an average-grape are clearly well-fed and all over the office/storage areas where my husband works. The wife’s critical thinking is severely lacking as her solution to get rid of these venomous spiders is to spray a bug-killer in the air, like when you spray an air-freshener (not directly on the spiders) will somehow eliminate the black widow problematic population for good. I became very concerned obviously because from what B has told me, there are a surplus of harmless males running around spooking everyone, but logic says that where there are males, look a little higher in the building’s corners and there you will realize there are also lots of deadly females.
Female Black Widow
The Wannabes hired my husband and another individual for ‘sales,’ but they are essentially gophers. This is the part where I finally explain OSHA’s involvement. I’m not a fan of big government, but thank goodness that someone has determined that businesses must maintain a minimum level of standards for business operations and treatment of employees. OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration) says that employers must provide reasonable levels of safety and operating standards. Black widows are problematic for OSHA. Operating a cold office facility is problematic for OSHA and expecting employees to operate in the dark is also problematic for OSHA. B filed a complaint on the website and explained in detail what ‘s going on. A few days later, OSHA officials showed-up without warning at the Wannabes office. OSHA asked for copies of licenses and permits and B said they must have taken hundreds of pictures of all the nonsense. OSHA is returning next week to interview all employees. The intern is leaving next weekend to visit his home-country and my husband’s last day will also be next week because God answered another prayer for another job for B and then OSHA is also visiting next week. The owners may be shut-down next week also which was never the goal. We’re all for small businesses as we’ve been both an employee and owners of a small business, but there are rules. While the Wannabes were being so smug, they clearly needed to be reeled-in to be told to stop by officials to cease operating without humane standards.
Have you had a similar experience in a job? Share your story. What was your experience with a small businesses? Do you think small businesses should be given a pass because they are small?
~Jenn
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Panic, averted, not ave… , averted
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family on January 7, 2015
I received a call this morning pertaining to the fact that there would not be a shipment of my MS medication, although, as of yesterday afternoon, I would receive it Thursday. So, when the organization called again today and said there would be an indefinite delay for shipping me my medication, I panicked.
Jenn’s game plan: 1. Panic. 2. Panic more 3. Repeat. When Instead, this should always be my game plan:
However, I did successfully talk myself off of the ledge, took a deep breath and determined I needed a Peppermint Infused Mocha. So I made one. Peppermint Infused Mocha: Mix 1/8 cup half and half with 1/2 to 1 tbsp chocolate syrup, add 1 soft peppermint, then add 1 cup of hot coffee and stir until peppermint is nearly melted. Enjoy. And I did, but then I started to panic again. Peppermint Infused Mochas provide only a minimal level of distraction and comfort and after 4 of these this morning, I determined I should come-up with another game plan. That’s what Russell Wilson would do. But then my defeating thoughts started again… what if I don’t get my medicine this week? Will the delay in taking my injections cause my MS to again relapse? Will I end up in a wheelchair again? This is my ongoing problem: I go from zero to apocalyptic in 0.001 seconds. Until roughly two years ago, I was never a worrier because I took comfort in knowing that regardless of what I did, there were many things out of my control and back then I easily let-go of things and stepped aside for God to control.
It’s been interesting and eye-opening when I think back through recent years and review my decision-making where health is concerned. For the last decade, when fall arrived, I ALWAYS got a flu-shot. But last September, I put my tradition on hold as I questioned whether I was trusting God to keep me healthy or putting my trust in a vaccine. I know that God gives us common-sense and common-sense says to get a flu shot because rumor has it that the current flu-strain is awful. So I should get a shot. But considering we’re on a very tight budget, I shouldn’t get a flu-shot, but can I afford not to? Which says, get a flu-shot, but does that say that I don’t trust God with my health? But then, but this, but that, and the list goes on and I go back and forth. I fully understand that I still lack control of nearly everything, but here I am and as always I am an ongoing WIP (Work-In-Progress) to immerse myself completely in trusting God.
It’s become obvious to myself that I trusted God years ago to get me out of the wheelchair and he did that. Praise God for such a wonderful blessing, but I’m ashamed to admit that my trust is lacking with everything else, like getting us moved back to Washington and keeping our own little family and critters healthy. I’m also ashamed to admit that I have this mentality that because I was the recipient of such an amazing blessing when God allowed my health to improve so drastically, that I do not qualify for any additional blessings. But I know better than to think like that because we are promised in Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV that, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works so that no one can boast.”
Jesus dying on the cross, forgave what I did and what I will do as long as I confess. Grace is about what He did and that cannot ever be earned. When Jesus died on the cross for me and everyone else, that was never earned, but I still received that precious gift. Therefore, I have to believe that receiving healing was also not earned and that I just need to rest in peace that regardless of whatever challenges may come up for me or my family, his grace will sustain.
~Jenn
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All over the map
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family, Inspiration, lifestyle, MS, prayer on December 27, 2014
Competitive swimming from grade school through part of college – think hundreds of laps daily and nearly Olympic trials level fast – not slowly floating across the pool on a noodle (that many sadly call ‘swimming,’) piano, flute, 4-H-sewing and cooking and finally Jazz dance, which would be close to the equivalent of today’s hip-hop genre, were my extra-curricular activities growing up. I had just turned 8 or 9 when I completed the Red Cross certified swimming courses and my stay-at-home Mom was desperate to enroll me in something that would keep me out of trouble busy so she spoke to my final instructor who was also a coach with the swim team newbies and suggested I try-out for the local club. I immediately took to competitive swimming, which required little time to learn backward and forward flip-turns so I could keep up with the circle of other swimmers at my level. My parent’s ongoing joke was that I was born with webbed feet. So seriously, Mom & Dad, with the umpteen number number of hours in the pool each week, was there even the slightest possibility that I wasn’t?
Swimming continues to be one of my favorite activities and ‘back-in-the-day’ I became somewhat of an aquatics guru within my family, who looked to me to life-guard cousin’s birthday related pool-parties and instruct the how-to’s of swimming and water-skiing to my little sister and younger cousins. In college I continued to swim with the early morning Masters team. Many years later when we moved to Nevada, we noticed many homes have pools and when we bought our home a few years ago, we were very excited to have our own. From mid-spring through late-summer, the outdoor temperatures maintain around 103 and as it’s too expensive to run air conditioning full-time. Therefore, the pool provides a perfect relief to cooling-down my core. MS has altered my body’s ability to self-regulate my core so when I become warm, I’m technically overheated, making our pool’s cool temperature a tremendous source of relief and blessing with those high outdoor temperatures for 6 months. Other than swimming during the hot temperatures, I’m embarrassed to admit I do very little any more.
Obviously, I had the ability to commit long-term to activities while growing-up, but because of MS and what it’s taken from me, my interests are really all over the map. I think my abilities prior to MS taking me backward have unfortunately dictated what I can or cannot do. I was never a quitter and I have my folks to thank for instilling in me a stick-to-it attitude, but there have been several activities that I began and quit because of MS ‘issues.’ For example, I discovered and indulged my love for stamping cards and book marks, but when the tremors ataxia started where my hands shook badly, it became impossible to accurately place rubber stamps. This caused what I had hoped to call ‘artistic creations’ to become somewhat of a mess, resembling over-priced pieces of abstract art, at which point, my neurologist gave me yet another MS related symptom-chasing drug to lessen the shaking, which helped, but at a sacrifice because of the cocktail of drugs. I was rarely coherent appearing somewhat of a zombie with my glazed-over eyes. And I quit stamping. However, I could make a mean martini – shaken, not stirred became my joke because “If I can’t laugh, I may cry,” and I really try to limit that tissue-requiring activity. I also tried my hand at becoming an independent beauty consultant for a big corporation (whose reps are rewarded with pink cars), but eye-make up was a joke to apply because of that whole fine-motor-skills lacking hand stability. Then, I became a cooking rep for a company that specialized in quick mixes to create tasty dishes. Although I had fun and was successful, that was also short-lived when I had to give-up driving. My attitude was that as much as I still wanted my ‘right’ to be independent to drive, other cars/pedestrians had the right to be safe when my increasing foot/leg ataxia became hazardous to controlling the correct pedals. And I quit driving.
2015 will mark 10 years ago that God provided healing and pulled me from my wheelchair, but I have nothing to show for it, except several activities in which I invested, only to quit. Beading was another post-wheelchair favorite, but short-lived activity as I attended bead-shows and then created beautiful bracelets and earrings. At the same time I came from the wheelchair, I quit the the numerous symptom-chasing prescription drugs because I was tired of feeling like the undead. Although I was lucid, my hand stability was only achieved after a couple of glasses of wine. That became somewhat of a big discovery. I could be a creative, but functioning drunk or a non-lucid undead human… That was an obvious choice. I have continually returned to writing and I made a goal 10 years ago to write my encouraging story, but I lost my inspiration. Writing has been a passion since grade-school, but in junior high there was an adult and best friend who ganged-up on me to tell me that I was wasting my time at which point , I guess I gave-up on it, although I would still scribble-out ideas and write creatively, from time to time. That was very much ‘my bad’ for giving into believing their discouragement and I’ve learned to ignore those voices or mentally give the middle finger salute to those inner voices who say I can’t or that I’m wasting my time.
I realize that I must continue to actively learn something – anything productive. I did online courses a couple of years ago in which I discovered I’m completely left-brained. Thank you, Dad, who is an engineer. It feels great to be learning and I’ve tossed around the idea of learning to use a knitting loom as it doesn’t require fine-motor-skills. I may also again attempt to bead or stamp as my ataxia seems to be becoming less of an issue… Praise God because martini-making provides a very limited skill-set. I’ll keep you posted on what activity has gained my attention…
Jenn
crusaderjennblog 
