I received a call this morning pertaining to the fact that there would not be a shipment of my MS medication, although, as of yesterday afternoon, I would receive it Thursday.  So, when the organization called again today and said there would be an indefinite delay for shipping me my medication, I panicked.

Jenn’s game plan:  1. Panic.  2. Panic more 3. Repeat.   When Instead, this should always be my game plan:

However, I did successfully talk myself off of the ledge, took a deep breath and determined I needed a Peppermint Infused Mocha.  So I made one.  Peppermint Infused Mocha:  Mix 1/8 cup half and half with 1/2 to 1 tbsp chocolate syrup, add 1 soft peppermint, then add 1 cup of hot coffee and stir until peppermint is nearly melted.  Enjoy.  And I did, but then I started to panic again.  Peppermint Infused Mochas provide only a minimal level of distraction and comfort and after 4 of these this morning, I determined I should come-up with another game plan.  That’s what Russell Wilson would do.  But then my defeating thoughts started again…  what if I don’t get my medicine this week?  Will the delay in taking my injections cause my MS to again relapse?  Will I end up in a wheelchair again?   This is my ongoing problem:  I go from zero to apocalyptic in 0.001 seconds.  Until roughly two years ago, I was never a worrier because I took comfort in knowing that regardless of what I did, there were many things out of my control and back then I easily let-go of things and stepped aside for God to control.

It’s been interesting and eye-opening when I think back through recent years and review my decision-making where health is concerned.  For the last decade, when fall arrived, I ALWAYS got a flu-shot.  But last September, I put my tradition on hold as I questioned whether I was trusting God to keep me healthy or putting my trust in a vaccine.  I know that God gives us common-sense and common-sense says to get a flu shot because rumor has it that the current flu-strain is awful.  So I should get a shot.  But considering we’re on a very tight budget, I shouldn’t get a flu-shot, but can I afford not to?  Which says, get a flu-shot, but does that say that I don’t trust God with my health?   But then, but this, but that, and the list goes on and I go back and forth.  I fully understand that I still lack control of nearly everything, but here I am and as always I am an ongoing WIP (Work-In-Progress) to immerse myself completely in trusting God.

It’s become obvious to myself that I trusted God years ago to get me out of the wheelchair and he did that.  Praise God for such a wonderful blessing, but I’m ashamed to admit that my trust is lacking with everything else, like getting us moved back to Washington and keeping our own little family and critters healthy.  I’m also ashamed to admit that I have this mentality that because I was the recipient of such an amazing blessing when God allowed my health to improve so drastically, that I do not qualify for any additional blessings.  But I know better than to think like that because we are promised in Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV that, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works so that no one can boast.”

 Jesus dying on the cross, forgave what I did and what I will do as long as I confess.   Grace is about what He did and that cannot ever be earned. When Jesus died on the cross for me and everyone else, that was never earned, but I still received that precious gift.  Therefore, I have to believe that receiving healing was also not earned and that I just need to rest in peace that regardless of whatever challenges may come up for me or my family, his grace will sustain.

~Jenn