Friendships require work and openness.  I’ve been very guarded where friendships are concerned because I have been open to a fault with a few who I believed were ‘safe’ only to regret sharing when I experienced their over-developed sense of superiority due to their own perfection, which apparently made it allowable for them to judge me.  In WA, I had a smallish group of females I trusted with whom I’d go out for a girls night like for drinks and music or a movie, but upon our relocation to NV, I’ve been closed-off to making more friends.  Knowing our time here is short-lived, I’ve failed to pursue making friends with anyone beyond an acquaintance level because my outlook has been, “We won’t be here long enough to make it worth the effort.”  Shame on me.  No, BIG SHAME ON ME and please forgive me for not bothering to be friends with you.

For many years when we committed to going-out with, for the purpose of cultivating friendships with other couples, we were always on time and to cancel last minute was never an option.  Although we were consistently on the receiving end of other’s flakiness because for some and you know who you are, being a flake is a lifestyle choice.  Emergencies happen and those are excusable, but failing to plan, “Our plans slipped my mind,” is NOT a reasonable excuse when you know the date of said plans.  Maybe you commit, but by committing perhaps you should always provide this disclaimer, “I commit right now, but what I really mean is I’m selfish and I’ll cancel at the last possible moment never giving a thought to any arrangements you might make in the hope that I might show-up and grace you with my presence for the evening, when my regretful decline could have given you an opportunity to do something else,” is what you should say.

But then after some reflection of last year, I have clearly become a poster-child for flaky as I have became somewhat of a borderline agoraphobic.  My home is my safe and happy place.  I get up.  I shower.  I read my Bible and pray.  I take care of our pets.  I exercise.  I bake goodies. I drink wine and even catalog it in my little black book of Wine Notes.  I read books and I might play an Ap for fun on my iPad.  I run errands as needed.  These activities became MY own little self-created-safe-zone when I determined that 15 minutes from home is the furthest and safest acceptable distance I can be from home at any time.  Our church’s small group fits that, but I’ve rarely attended any more.

Being budget-conscious and to save money, we quit using full-time air-conditioning and as a result, our home becomes suffocating hot during summer.  If it’s 108 degrees outdoors, it’s around 87 indoors and multiply that if it’s humid.  Just a touch hot and with MS, the heat renders me useless until the AC comes on for a couple of hours each morning and then again in the evening and when the AC comes on, I’m in recovery mode, which has been my ongoing excuse for not attending our small group except that now that we’re out of summer, there is no viable excuse for my non-attendance, which means that I evolved into what I detest and became a flake!  Our small group from church started a new study last week and I attended, but came home feeling convicted for many things one of which seems to appear in red flashing bold letters, “Making excuses for not attending our small group when I can during these cooler months,” or was that flashing in red just for me?

So now that I’ve explained why I have become what I’ve become, I’m actively working to change my habits.  It’s not a New Year’s resolution per se as my followers may have already read about in https://wordpress.com/post/81313185/142/ but I guess I’m reaching-out as a means of publicly recognizing I must stop my hermit-like habits, which also equates to fostering friendships and getting together for things like coffee or being friendly instead of remaining holed-up in a book or a game Ap.  Step 1 was the easiest in recognizing I had a problem.  It’s the next stuff that’ll present the biggest challenges for me because I can be very content with operating within my little world.  Yes, I know it’s not healthy, but it’s comfortable and that’s become the biggest challenge for me with our new small group study: to go beyond my comfort-zone.  I’ll keep you updated in how I fare through this what I suspect will be an uncomfortable process.

Do you have a comfort zone?  Do you have a negative habit?  Did you create a positive habit to replace your negative habit?  Or how did you overcome it?

~Jenn