Posts Tagged God
It is well with my soul
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, Inspiration, Living with MS on July 22, 2015
I love the newer version of this old hymn and God has continued to use this song to keep me and my thoughts in-check because at times, and I’ll be honest, I’ve gone from zero negativity to Defcon Red in milliseconds, for which there is really no valid reason. Those reasons have been ridiculous and those worries have been entirely unfounded. The “what if?” game and I have been on again, off again roommates and I still have to work at kicking-out the unwanted guest when they attempt to argue, sit down and makes themselves at home for an extended stay as they readily rehash what’s wrong in my life, when all I must do is counter-hash everything that is right. Here is Matt Redman’s version of “It Is Well With My Soul.”
I have been so very blessed! In 2001 my MS was on a fast-track quickly retrogressing and I became dependent upon using a wheelchair full-time. 2015 marks 10 years since I regained feeling in my legs, was healed and able to again walk and not require the assistance of a wheelchair. Thank you, Lord.
My Dad was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year ago in 2014. With each quarterly exam, the cancer was confirmed with the understanding that because it was a slow-growing cancer, nothing was an emergency, but it would need to be monitored. My Dad’s quarterly cancer check-up and biopsy in June came back, “No cancer.” As in with all the many many samples they extracted, there was NO TRACE of it. Thank you, Lord.
Our oldest kitty Thor, died at end of April- just a couple of months ago. He was with us 18 years and he lived a pretty long and happy life filled with chasing string and consistent purrs. We adopted Thor shortly after B and I married. Our youngest kitty, Zephyr was diagnosed with kidney stones last winter and because of the process of going under the knife, we’ve hesitated to get him the surgery. With our loss of Thor, the Lord knew we needed some comfort and allowed Zephyr to be instrumental in providing that with lots of loves and cuddles as we mourned, but we remained worried that his condition would also take him from us too soon. Zephyr is now stone-free. Thank you, Lord.
My husband had a bad cough for about a year and the doctor said it was fine. It went away and then the cough started again and I kept reminding B to go to his doctor to see what was going on. They did a full exam and also ran an x-ray this time around. The x-ray was clear and everything is absolutely fine with his lungs except that the doc put him on an allergy regimen and now that painful cough is almost completely gone. Thank you, Lord.
I doubt that there are any other Christians out there who have ever been able to relate to being control-freaks or worrying excessively. What? You might resemble being controlling? You worry about stuff too? Then you can relate… I guess that somehow I believed in my very misguided perception is that if I worried needlessly about anything big or small, that things will get better or something ridiculous like that. I am thankful that God has a plan and that through my worries, He’s waited patiently for me to step-back, give him those reigns for my inner control-freak extraordinaire and just let him be God. It’s a process and I am an active work-in-progress with needing to remind myself daily that, “‘He’s got this, Jenn.” It’s very silly the amount of control that I perceive I have. I believe that the above situations served for no other purpose than to get my faith on-track. But then, it may not be all about me, so perhaps my perspective is selfish in that the listed situations were to grow my faith, when those also could have also served to grow my husband’s faith, my Dad faith, my Mom’s faith and / or my Sister’s faith…
As B and I have again felt led to pursue adoption, our faith has very much been stretched. It’s far from ideal circumstances since we’re older and have less money than the first time we attempted to adopt in ’07, but God’s bigger. We’ve been called to just be obedient to his guidance. He’s bigger than our perceived ideal circumstances and we have questions, but more than anything, we must trust in him.
Relinquishing control is not easy, but I’m confident that considering my own life is just a little blip on God’s screen, that He can see all things past, present and future and that there is a Divine purpose for him allowing you or me or any other person to go through anything. Those situations are either good or bad character building or faith building.
What are you made of? Do you struggle with doubt? What kind of situations have challenged your own faith?
Jenn
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It’s come to my attention that I’m clairvoyant
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family on July 16, 2015
And it’s not anything that I ever wanted, but I guess since it’s not in any way a career path, we’re all good. Since my left brain-ness typically only considers the literal about most things, it takes me a while to ‘get’ anything outside the box, because I’m legalistic that way. In summary of this situation, one might say, I failed to add two and two, where the most basic of addition would have lead me to recognize a simple correlation between nearby regional earthquakes and a challenging vertigo episode that often begins within a few hours to 48 hours before a quake. Perhaps it all depends on how slow or fast the tectonic plates shift or how massive the seismic activity in my geographic region? Is there a seismic expert in the house?
I only recognized this during the recent few months that with each earthquake that has occurred within my region in the last 20 years, I’ve experienced severe vertigo. By ‘severe’, I mean vertigo that has me seeing doubles/triples and everything around me spinning at an exponential speed. How’s that for fun? On the bright side, this ‘fun’ occurs without warning and gives me a sensation that I am taking full advantage of an unlimited pass to ride all the twisting and turning roller-coasters on this planet – all in a few minutes. Yay for me! Now the reality is that one of these unwelcome vertigo episodes begins with spinning and often gets worse through the first day only to climax until the earthquake occurs. Then as a final reminder to not forget that this unwelcome guest stopped-by and overstayed its welcome, it provides a sickness ‘hangover’ for at least a day after the event. When you’ve been sick with a cold or flu for example and have taken those fantastic symptom hiding over-the-counter treatments like the, “Sniffling, sneezing, head-aching, so you can rest magic,” and wake the next morning feeling a little more clear-headed, but wondering where and what barricade you hit going 55 miles per hour, that’s the medicine hangover I’m talking about, as I wouldn’t know anything about other types.
When the most recent episode occurred June 23, I posted to the social network: I said something to the effect that, “History states whenever I experience a severe case of vertigo, an earthquake occurs in my geographic region within 48 hours, but I hope for once I will be a false prophet.” So, 48 hours came and went and nothing happened. Except it did. But I’m not on the network enough to see comments or even watch the local news because I might at times resemble living under a rock when said vertigo occurs. Watching TV and reading the paper is impossible when I see doubles and triples of everything. So, a friend saw my post and watched our regional news closely and notified me that a quake occurred on our fault line. In Alaska. Another quake occurred May 22 – same situation in me having vertigo a couple days ahead. We also had a quake earlier in the year and like clock-work, vertigo set in a couple days in advance. So wherever we’ve lived, vertigo is indicative of an earthquake within 48 hours. I believe there’s a correlation between how much of he human body is water (60-75%) depending on which expert and just like the changing tides and the closer a full moon gets to earth, there is something that sets off my balance and the liquid in my inner-ear that goes wonky with seismic activity.
You probably agree that my husband had an interesting perspective about this. B’s interpretation was that upon me discovering my ‘ability” to foresee earthquakes, I should also consider that God’s using this ability to communicate with me. Wow! That interpretation was unexpected. Decades ago at the private school, my classmate’s nickname for me, was ‘Doubting Thomas,’ which could not be more accurate than it is now. And the reason it’s relevant is because for over a year, I’ve received these ‘snapshots’ that just appear in my head. These uninspired and by uninspired, I haven’t seen a tear-jerker commercial, for example, but these snapshots have been of me or B or both of us with one or two children, but since we don’t have children, I got into the habit of quickly disregarding these ‘snapshots.’ (I’ll share with you later about B’s reaction a few months ago to my confession about the snapshots). And that’s why B’s interpretation is that just like I foresee earthquakes, God’s trying to show me that these snapshots are going to be reality. What? Whoa, Dude! No way! Is this even a reasonable possibility? Yes. Matthew 19:26. And Mark 9:24 has also become a daily reference. Dear Lord, I want to believe and I think I believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!
Are you clairvoyant or have you experienced anything like this or have you been a witness to someone experiencing this?
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I am the worst blogger. Ever.
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family, health, Inspiration, life, marriage, MS on May 12, 2015
Updating and sharing… I get so caught-up in doing irrelevant tasks like decorating the house (as I should have done years ago) and baking and currently researching to understand trends, that when I’m riding such a wave of momentum that I cannot stop or maybe I don’t stop? Shortly after I completed the ‘making our house a home’ ordeal back in early April, I was able to again join a gym. I’ve missed that daily habit for several years and when my MS improved back in ’05 and we were still in WA, I joined a gym and enlisted the help of a trainer who coincidentally also has MS, and provided me with a detailed program of cardio exercises, strength-building and toning exercises for me to keep some level of strength. But, since moving, I really had not been in a gym in years. I’m thankful most of the strength that I’d built remained during my gym absence and I was able to work the same major and minor muscle groups each day that I did earlier, so it took only a couple of weeks to get back into the habit in 2015. So once again these activities became part of my current routine with lifting four days a week, and doing between 7-10 miles of cardio on my recumbent bike at home daily.
Another project that’s had my ongoing attention is getting our pool ready for Pool-Season. During winter and early spring, there’s a minor level of maintenance required except after days of excessive wind and leaves blowing into the pool a few days each month. We had a couple of weeks of windy weather in late April, which resulted in a slightly cloudy pool from all the dust and then the vacuüm stopped working, but was not clogged so I enlisted a professional to diagnose our pool’s problem. I didn’t know what I didn’t know and I hate to claim ignorance, but there were a few steps that went ignored with our pool maintenance. So after cleaning the filters and getting ALL the appropriate equipment, with my newly acquired knowledge of ALL the steps, the pool is running just fine for the coming summer Pool-Season, which now that we’re consistently involved with our small group from church and they’re aware of our pool, there are definite expectations of us hosting pool-related barbecues/get-togethers.
Also relating to Pool-Season, my hair is short again. Long hair gets hot on my neck and I gripe about it for a month, even with it pulled-up in a pony-tail and I finally give in to getting it cut. It’ll grow back, unless I determine the shorter do is a keeper… Another thing is for years, my sister has been on me to watch Mad Men and a couple of weeks ago, B and I tried it a third time and well…we’re finally in. Jon Hamm is gorgeous, which has nothing to do with anything, but have you seen “Million Dollar Arm”? He’s definitely also a DB in that film just like he is in MM… And Peggy? Why didn’t anyone catch-on to her being pregnant? I called that long before she even started showing… Speaking of pregnancy, my sister is due in August and we’re once again attempting to adopt, but this time is different so more on that later.
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Star Date 3-9-15 and it’s been 120 years since my last log-in
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, Inspiration on March 9, 2015
or maybe it’s been days, but either way, it seems eons since I last had an opportunity to think in non-organizing mode, let alone blog mode… Much has happened and has had my attention focused on many important matters. I have my hand in at least 40 cookie-jars right now – one of which is literally full of German Chocolate cake cookies ready to eat on-demand. Don’t judge. My homemade treats power-ups are yummy and will provide for whatever the moment calls – sugary-sweet-goodness, energy comfort, inspiration, etc. for things like finally UNpacking the plethora of now empty boxes and decorating our home with the contents of said boxes. My mom helped to pick-out and decorate the home we built back in ’05 because she has a good eye (actually she has two) for choosing and determining the best placement for whatever accessory. But since my Mom’s over 1000 miles away, I have to pretend to have an interior designer and Nate Berkus is the only available party to show-up because I’m on a limited zero budget like that and because I can barely see him via my out-dated iPad on YouTube in my living room like that. Following Mom’s and NB’s lead, it finally looks like a home after only (ahem) three years in this house…
The interior of my our home appears just a little different and even smells different thanks to the aforementioned cookies. I now hate leaving the house for entirely different reasons, which around the last time I blogged, I believe I wrote relating to how much work it is to be friendly or social with others and dealing with changing my agoraphobic-like tendencies for the purpose to cease being a hermit. And boy have things changed!?! This isn’t to brag (perhaps a little), but every week since the beginning of February, I’ve attended our weekly small-group and even participated! Yay for me, but before I get into everything else happening, I need to mention that mid-February 2015 marked the 10 year anniversary when God began paving the way to and allowing the small changes that evolved into big changes that allowed me to walk again sans using the always packed wheelchair that became necessary to get me from a parking lot into a store for a shopping trip. Thank you, Lord to sustaining me and continuing to sustain me! When I began to regain feeling and started walking on my own once again, unintentionally, I began walking differently. High-stepping became the new normal, but I didn’t think twice about it as I was walking! Did I mention ‘walking’?
Over the years, I periodically had issues with my left hip giving me pain, but I took an ibuprofen and disregarded the inconvenience as I had more important things to consider – like the fact that I was WALKING! Back then, I almost immediately made a goal to do a triathlon because I believed I could and would, but what I didn’t realize was that because of the MS related numbness, lack of feeling and absence of strength in my right side for years, the high-stepping would do a great deal of damage to my good and stronger left side-regardless of the muscle I had built. (That whole brain-relay-to-body issue was a problem.) Yes, doing a triathlon was a lofty goal, but I worked-out and trained like I would do it one day.
‘Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes. Too high or too low, there ain’t no in-betweens. And if I stand or I fall, it’s all or nothing at all, Darling I don’t know why I go to extremes.’ (thank you for such an appropriate song, Billy Joel). I love that song. It’s not the most upbeat, but those lyrics still resonate because I tend to consistently fail in finding the middle-ground. Left or right, black or white… Thus, my inability to effectively self-manage because I become so consumed with accomplishing whatever has taken over my thoughts. And when I finally gained a realistic understanding that what MS took away can never be returned or rebuilt, I became discouraged, angry and essentially quit trying because it seemed my efforts were in vain. I mean, why bother? With anything…
But once I got over myself after years of this unhealthy outlook and during the last several weeks, the years of fogginess lifted, I quit being stubborn and I gained a new level of clarity that I have not seen in a very long time. So imagine that combined with the new Bible study, which coincidentally began the same week, convicted me of being apathetic. Oh-no-You-di-n’t! And oh-yes-He-did because the first chapter was about doing something. Nothing specific, but ‘Do something, Jenn’ was what I kept hearing, seeing and everywhere. I hate that feeling. That feeling is unacceptable. So, I did something. I volunteered at church doing some things that are a great fit. 1. I joined the church-cleaning team and my particular group within the 16 member team cleans every four weeks. 2. I am also now a Sunday School teacher to two and three-year-olds, aka the fabulous ‘Super Juniors.’ Which makes me very much miss my own sweet niece and super-junior-size nephew…
Brain on overload, thoughts all over the place… this will require a few attempts to write an installment…oh how I’ve missed your non-judgmental patience as I get my feces collated, Blog…
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Let’s talk about intentions
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, marriage on February 5, 2015
Merriam Webster’s website (2015) defines intention as a noun and “something you aim to do” or a “purpose.” I believe that most people hope and aim to do their best and make intentions / commitments accordingly, therefore one might say that, “They had the best INTENTIONS.” I occasionally hear and read emails from or about people admitting to an event or something they intended to do, but obviously failed since the word was in the past-tense. Failed intentions are quickly given a pass because that wasn’t their, let’s say it together, INTENTION. The word is over-used and loosely-used to excuse an over-commitment (lie) / bad behavior or a failure. Now I’m confident that there are a great many who will call me judgmental and say I lack tolerance of people’s situations and go on to say that I must be perfect, blah, blah blah… I am far from perfection, but as a Christian, I try to do better than the day before and never over-commit. I was once one of those obtuse folks who over-committed and later canceled last-minute because I had the best of intentions to participate in making some donated goodies, for example, or however I committed only to later realize I committed to an activity in which I aimed to participate, that I really never had any intention of being involved. Okay, now get over yourself because you wouldn’t be that defensive if you weren’t also guilty of this.
At one time, I intended / committed to make cookies every Sunday for our old church. It was a small church and I needed to make only seven dozen cookies, which I often made every Saturday-night for the next morning. Considering how much I love baking, it was a very small act of service, but there came a point a few months later after doing this every weekend when I became bored and would cancel because I just didn’t feel like baking. Granted I had health issues that were becoming a contributing factor in this, but I should have resigned from my commitment ahead of time instead of being proud and stubborn. I spoke with someone about this and Mickey pointed out to me that intentions can go either way – we either do what we committed to do or we intend to not follow-through. When he further explained that it’s either/or or pass/fail, my eyes were opened more widely because I think like many, we think our intentions outweigh outcomes. But they do not.
About intentions in marriage…
Commitments / intentions should be as solid as your marriage vows and upheld. You make a commitment to your spouse and you should do whatever you have to to make sure you do not fail. Obviously, emergencies happen and must be accommodated, but a commitment remains a commitment. Over recent months this has become somewhat of a thing in my marriage. We’re working on 19 years together, but it’s been fairly consistent during only the last couple of years that B’s intentions to do something for me have some sort of ‘optional’ clause to not follow-through, perhaps? It is a bit hurtful, I admit, but because he intended to follow-through, I think he thinks that he should receive points for the intention, I guess? Now these broken commitments are small in the grand scheme and are not by any means divorce-worthy. However, it remains hurtful that I might have become somewhat of a sacrifice, as he makes sure he follows-through with each commitment beyond us. Perhaps he doesn’t want to appear a flake among coworkers or peers?
It’s interesting that people have such varying perspectives on intentions with spouses. For one individual, an intention to a spouse is as good as a signed contract and they will move mountains to ensure the intention/commitment remains unbroken, but for another, who sees their spouse as ‘just my husband’ or ‘just my wife,’ they have given themselves the option to fail [Stop taking your spouse for granted!], when it should be the complete opposite as they should elevate their spouse’s importance instead of diminishing it. Commitments to a spouse to fix an appliance or prepare a platter of goodies for coworkers or whatever the task is should be more important than commitments to non-spouses since you’re married to one and only work with or for another. I’ve never understood those who say things like that because essentially, they have lessened their spouses role and therefore their spouse’s value. Many years ago, I attended a work-related event with my husband and when his boss walked-up and asked who I was, I smiled and said, “I’m just B’s wife, Jennifer.” B’s boss responded with, “Hmm, you mean you ARE his wife and not just his wife…” That might have been eye-opening for me because there I was speaking condescendingly about myself.
Now, I must explain that my husband is NOT a monster. I think at times his focus gets wrapped-up in whatever project has his attention and that he doesn’t see the looming ‘something’s got to give’ warning sign up ahead. Unfortunately, that something is most often me because typically I am an understanding wife I attempt to be an understanding wife. I suspect there might be a few others in a similar situation and am curious how you address a concern with your spouse or do you prefer to avoid it? What is your best approach? What is your coping-mechanism? I like wine, which may or may not be relevant in this situation, but I believe that I just stumbled upon another blog-post idea…
~Jenn
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Last weekend the Seahawks Won because of me
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, Football on January 25, 2015
I’m not so self-important to really think that I had anything to do with the Hawk’s win against the Packers last Sunday, but I do think God did allow them to win for me. The last few years my faith has been inconsistent and consistently wavering. At some point, I somehow started believing that blessings from God were performance-based. I know that my assessment of performance-based blessing is entirely false and thank God! I’m thankful He doesn’t work like that because if that were true, there’s no possibility that I would ever or could ever be blessed. Then I have to remind myself that I never deserved to be healed, but God healed the status of MS so I could walk again and not require a wheelchair full-time. I also must keep reminding myself that God continues working in my life and I also never deserved any of these ongoing blessings. So when I was watching the game last Sunday and saw the Hawks on their way to a loss in the last quarter, I kept saying to myself that my God is a God of miracles as He’s shown me with my health that miracles clearly happen. I prayed for and asked God, while also believing in a miracle that the Seahawks could still win the game.
And they did. Despite the great point deficit. Congratulations, Seahawks and know I’m praying for another win against the Patriots next weekend! GO HAWKS! Regardless of whether God allowed the Seahawks to win for me or because of my tiny faith, God knew I needed a little encouragement and through that answer, God met me where I was in my wavering mustard seed faith. Although I’m near the US gambling capital where I could have put a penny on Seattle to win, I’m confident that I wasn’t the only non-betting person praying for the Hawks to come out on top. I also believe that God knew I desperately needed something to hold onto and for him to show me He’s still in control and that despite myself, He heard even my little prayer for an irrelevant football game outcome. Thank you, Lord – I needed that. I know that positive answer helped to confirm and re-energize my faith in an unseen God who WILL move us back to WA, but I must be patient in also having faith in his perfect timing. Thank you again, Lord Jesus!
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But wait, there’s more!
Posted by crusaderjennblog in debateable, Faith, Inspiration, life, marriage on January 12, 2015
Oh the madness. It’s too frightening, dysfunctional, maybe even a bit entertaining to hear about this from my husband, B… Oh my poor husband… God clearly has reason for B working there probably because It takes a lot to rattle him and as you may recall, B is currently working for the Wannabe’s unorganized LED light company. You might also recall that OSHA is now involved and that they will be at the Wannabe’s office Wednesday to review the Wannabe’s permits, certifications (of which they have none) and to also interview current employees to understand if OSHA’s operation requirements are being met. The gentleman that was hired at the same time as B, quit today before noon as he’d had enough of the workplace insanity. My husband emailed me all of this during his lunch and said that Rinda is running around like a chicken sans head and desperately trying to make it B’s responsibility to locate the nonexistent document(s) that the Wannabes failed to obtain when they started their business almost five years ago. Remember, B was hired for sales. Well it seems that they’ve NEVER had or been required to have any of the necessary insurances or licenses or permits that are required for operating a business. Hmm, can you spell i-l-l-e-g-a-l?
I am guessing that after D suddenly quit this morning, everything will now fall to B and the unofficial employee/intern R to fix. Unless the owners can go back in time, they are in deep doo-doo. Coming from this company that knows only chaos and mismanagement, God opened the door for B to accept a new position that will begin next week. We are hoping and praying this will be the last and long-awaited position he must take before we move.
Bless D’s heart for sticking around as long as he did and I wish him the best.
.
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Football is not a mathematical equation
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Football, life, marriage on December 31, 2014
Since August and having had my very own fantasy football team this year, I’ve been committed to learning football (finally) for the 2014-2015 season, although I’m confident that it will take more than a single season to get me to where I’m not consistently interrupting a game to ask questions about why this or that is or is not a penalty. My husband will attest to the fact that for nearly two decades, I’ve been unimpressed by the sport and thought little of bothering to learn. I knew a few basics, but because of my left-brainness those basics never computed to my sense of logic, so understandably, I disregarded the whole idea of adding any football knowledge to the mix. For starters, in football, there is a quarterback, a halfback and a fullback. But there is no three-quarters back position. I would like to understand why there is this position deficit. Then, there is the tight end position. The logical counterpart position would suggest that there is also a player who is the loose end, but there is no such position. What I have learned for certain is that this learning process is irrelevant because the only thing that ultimately matters is whether a team wins. I must make sense of get-over the senseless mathematics of football positions.
As a Washingtonian, my logical allegiance is to support the Seattle Seahawks and this year from afar obviously, I have gotten to know Coach Pete Carroll and how the team conducts themselves. Russell Wilson is my favorite, but I’m also a big fan of other players like Marshawn Lynch Beast Mode and his 79 yard touchdown in the recent game against Arizona. Richard Sherman, Earl Thomas, Doug Baldwin, Kam Chancellor and Luke Willson are additional players with whom I’m becoming more knowledgeable. Win or loss, I will support them. I refuse to be one of those fans who doles-out support conditionally. The above is my first method of showing support for the Seattle Seahawks, with a rear-window decal on my rig. This is my rig and not my husband’s. Besides, he supports Oakland. Thank you, Sweetheart for patiently guiding me through my first NFL season. GO HAWKS!
~Jenn
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Sisters, Sisters, there were never such devoted sisters
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family, growing-up, Jesus, life, lifestyle on December 30, 2014
Even with 5 years between us, my younger sister and I have a good relationship and I’ve missed her terribly for the past few years being 1000 miles away. Growing up we loved each other, although we fought as siblings do and made-up when my Mom always lectured, “She’s the only sister you’ll ever have.” When Jackie entered first grade many moons ago, at the same private school where I was, I didn’t hesitate to protect her from the line of boys pursuing her. Being older, I was my sister’s first line of defense against boys. She always remained picture-perfect in her dresses, unlike me. It took many years to finally see it, but when I did, I shook my head in disgust. Maybe at myself for obtaining less mud and grass stains on my clothes than the boys while we played red-rover-red-rover/softball/soccer-take your pick or perhaps it was with my Mom for having high expectations of me coming home spotless like Jackie. The most likely scenario for my Mom was recognizing that the countless hours she spent sewing together pieces of fabric to create beautiful dresses like the following were completely irrelevant to me.
As hard as I tried as a kid, this broad-shouldered girl was not demure and I found myself rather confused by all the pig-tailed girls like my sister who were. My goal at recess was to play and play hard, which included returning from recess with a sweaty red face, which equaled intense fun. If grass and mud-stains could be graded at a private school surrounded by acres of grass, I was the valedictorian. Grass stains on my dresses and holes in my tights were consistent. I remember my Mom being horrified when she discovered (after many months) that I came up with what I thought was a grand idea to wear shorts under my dresses and over my tights. For what? To prevent boys from seeing my Underoos when I flipped upside-down from or climbed on top of the Monkey Bars. While wearing a dress. Duh. Meanwhile, my sister likely spent recess with her friends picking dandelions and frolicking. Another pastime at recess was locating who was in trouble and was pounding the chalk out of the erasers at the end of the building because I discovered those little piles of chalk-dust were tasty, or maybe I thought that a saliva coated finger dipped in chalk dust tasted just like Fun Dip. Don’t judge. It’s no different than eating glue paste. I was a good kid and harmless, but I could find trouble or create it with some hair-brained ideas – like the self-made Fun (Chalk) Dip. While I was at school finding shenanigans, my sister was being her teacher’s pet and very helpful passing out things to her classmates or playing the ideal daughter at home as she played with her collection of Barbies.
Through it all, my sister and I survived. I mentioned Jackie’s survival also because I was almost five when Jackie was born and shortly after meeting my new sister, I attempted to help feed her a whole dinner-roll. My Mom caught me ‘helping’ my sister and found it in her heart to NOT cease my breathing-habit despite my misguided efforts to feed my baby-sister solids way too soon. I also ran over her on my bike – not to be mean, but she got in my way and I couldn’t stop quickly enough. Speaking of bikes, I think we were one of the last generations to ride bikes sans helmets. And lived to tell about it. I think we were also one of the last generations who got away with chewing ABC (Already Been Chewed) gum that we innocently discovered on the ground or found stuck to the underside of desks in school. Not to mention how many times lollipops were dropped on the ground, wiped-off and shoved back into our mouths. We survived. A little gravel in the diet was probably good for a colon-cleansing. I would insert an amusing Saturday Night Live parody commercial here for Quarry Breakfast Cereal, but it seems that all links are blocked for copyrighted material on YouTube. Even in the midst of our ignorance, I suspect our foolishness contributed to strengthening our immune systems and we didn’t even have antibacterial hand sanitizer. Yet, somehow we prevailed…
My sister and I could not be more different. I was athletic and therefore, a tom-boy She was and still remains a girly-girl, although with my precious niece and nephew in-tow, ruffles aren’t nearly as practical these days. I read her blog and I don’t want to say that I’m proud because I have no right to be, but I am impressed. She’s a busy stay-at-home-Mom with a six year-old and a two year-old in-tow, creating meal-plans, running a successful blog about life as a Wife and Mommy, that is filled with pictures of her family, creative projects, and dishes she’s made, which includes the recipes. Then there’s me who is not nearly as refined. Me caveman.
Dress-up!I have a great deal of wonderful memories that include Jackie – camping, putting-on shows for our parents with duds from our chest of props and accessories (wigs gowns, etc.), going to the theater to see The Lion King and being the Maid/Matron of Honor in each other’s weddings, scrap-booking… The list goes on and on, but obviously as much as we differ, we’re still bonded and have a great deal in common. I love my sister dearly and am grateful for our relationship.
Jenn
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All over the map
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family, Inspiration, lifestyle, MS, prayer on December 27, 2014
Competitive swimming from grade school through part of college – think hundreds of laps daily and nearly Olympic trials level fast – not slowly floating across the pool on a noodle (that many sadly call ‘swimming,’) piano, flute, 4-H-sewing and cooking and finally Jazz dance, which would be close to the equivalent of today’s hip-hop genre, were my extra-curricular activities growing up. I had just turned 8 or 9 when I completed the Red Cross certified swimming courses and my stay-at-home Mom was desperate to enroll me in something that would keep me out of trouble busy so she spoke to my final instructor who was also a coach with the swim team newbies and suggested I try-out for the local club. I immediately took to competitive swimming, which required little time to learn backward and forward flip-turns so I could keep up with the circle of other swimmers at my level. My parent’s ongoing joke was that I was born with webbed feet. So seriously, Mom & Dad, with the umpteen number number of hours in the pool each week, was there even the slightest possibility that I wasn’t?
Swimming continues to be one of my favorite activities and ‘back-in-the-day’ I became somewhat of an aquatics guru within my family, who looked to me to life-guard cousin’s birthday related pool-parties and instruct the how-to’s of swimming and water-skiing to my little sister and younger cousins. In college I continued to swim with the early morning Masters team. Many years later when we moved to Nevada, we noticed many homes have pools and when we bought our home a few years ago, we were very excited to have our own. From mid-spring through late-summer, the outdoor temperatures maintain around 103 and as it’s too expensive to run air conditioning full-time. Therefore, the pool provides a perfect relief to cooling-down my core. MS has altered my body’s ability to self-regulate my core so when I become warm, I’m technically overheated, making our pool’s cool temperature a tremendous source of relief and blessing with those high outdoor temperatures for 6 months. Other than swimming during the hot temperatures, I’m embarrassed to admit I do very little any more.
Obviously, I had the ability to commit long-term to activities while growing-up, but because of MS and what it’s taken from me, my interests are really all over the map. I think my abilities prior to MS taking me backward have unfortunately dictated what I can or cannot do. I was never a quitter and I have my folks to thank for instilling in me a stick-to-it attitude, but there have been several activities that I began and quit because of MS ‘issues.’ For example, I discovered and indulged my love for stamping cards and book marks, but when the tremors ataxia started where my hands shook badly, it became impossible to accurately place rubber stamps. This caused what I had hoped to call ‘artistic creations’ to become somewhat of a mess, resembling over-priced pieces of abstract art, at which point, my neurologist gave me yet another MS related symptom-chasing drug to lessen the shaking, which helped, but at a sacrifice because of the cocktail of drugs. I was rarely coherent appearing somewhat of a zombie with my glazed-over eyes. And I quit stamping. However, I could make a mean martini – shaken, not stirred became my joke because “If I can’t laugh, I may cry,” and I really try to limit that tissue-requiring activity. I also tried my hand at becoming an independent beauty consultant for a big corporation (whose reps are rewarded with pink cars), but eye-make up was a joke to apply because of that whole fine-motor-skills lacking hand stability. Then, I became a cooking rep for a company that specialized in quick mixes to create tasty dishes. Although I had fun and was successful, that was also short-lived when I had to give-up driving. My attitude was that as much as I still wanted my ‘right’ to be independent to drive, other cars/pedestrians had the right to be safe when my increasing foot/leg ataxia became hazardous to controlling the correct pedals. And I quit driving.
2015 will mark 10 years ago that God provided healing and pulled me from my wheelchair, but I have nothing to show for it, except several activities in which I invested, only to quit. Beading was another post-wheelchair favorite, but short-lived activity as I attended bead-shows and then created beautiful bracelets and earrings. At the same time I came from the wheelchair, I quit the the numerous symptom-chasing prescription drugs because I was tired of feeling like the undead. Although I was lucid, my hand stability was only achieved after a couple of glasses of wine. That became somewhat of a big discovery. I could be a creative, but functioning drunk or a non-lucid undead human… That was an obvious choice. I have continually returned to writing and I made a goal 10 years ago to write my encouraging story, but I lost my inspiration. Writing has been a passion since grade-school, but in junior high there was an adult and best friend who ganged-up on me to tell me that I was wasting my time at which point , I guess I gave-up on it, although I would still scribble-out ideas and write creatively, from time to time. That was very much ‘my bad’ for giving into believing their discouragement and I’ve learned to ignore those voices or mentally give the middle finger salute to those inner voices who say I can’t or that I’m wasting my time.
I realize that I must continue to actively learn something – anything productive. I did online courses a couple of years ago in which I discovered I’m completely left-brained. Thank you, Dad, who is an engineer. It feels great to be learning and I’ve tossed around the idea of learning to use a knitting loom as it doesn’t require fine-motor-skills. I may also again attempt to bead or stamp as my ataxia seems to be becoming less of an issue… Praise God because martini-making provides a very limited skill-set. I’ll keep you posted on what activity has gained my attention…
Jenn
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