Posts Tagged grace
Panic, averted, not ave… , averted
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family on January 7, 2015
I received a call this morning pertaining to the fact that there would not be a shipment of my MS medication, although, as of yesterday afternoon, I would receive it Thursday. So, when the organization called again today and said there would be an indefinite delay for shipping me my medication, I panicked.
Jenn’s game plan: 1. Panic. 2. Panic more 3. Repeat. When Instead, this should always be my game plan:
However, I did successfully talk myself off of the ledge, took a deep breath and determined I needed a Peppermint Infused Mocha. So I made one. Peppermint Infused Mocha: Mix 1/8 cup half and half with 1/2 to 1 tbsp chocolate syrup, add 1 soft peppermint, then add 1 cup of hot coffee and stir until peppermint is nearly melted. Enjoy. And I did, but then I started to panic again. Peppermint Infused Mochas provide only a minimal level of distraction and comfort and after 4 of these this morning, I determined I should come-up with another game plan. That’s what Russell Wilson would do. But then my defeating thoughts started again… what if I don’t get my medicine this week? Will the delay in taking my injections cause my MS to again relapse? Will I end up in a wheelchair again? This is my ongoing problem: I go from zero to apocalyptic in 0.001 seconds. Until roughly two years ago, I was never a worrier because I took comfort in knowing that regardless of what I did, there were many things out of my control and back then I easily let-go of things and stepped aside for God to control.
It’s been interesting and eye-opening when I think back through recent years and review my decision-making where health is concerned. For the last decade, when fall arrived, I ALWAYS got a flu-shot. But last September, I put my tradition on hold as I questioned whether I was trusting God to keep me healthy or putting my trust in a vaccine. I know that God gives us common-sense and common-sense says to get a flu shot because rumor has it that the current flu-strain is awful. So I should get a shot. But considering we’re on a very tight budget, I shouldn’t get a flu-shot, but can I afford not to? Which says, get a flu-shot, but does that say that I don’t trust God with my health? But then, but this, but that, and the list goes on and I go back and forth. I fully understand that I still lack control of nearly everything, but here I am and as always I am an ongoing WIP (Work-In-Progress) to immerse myself completely in trusting God.
It’s become obvious to myself that I trusted God years ago to get me out of the wheelchair and he did that. Praise God for such a wonderful blessing, but I’m ashamed to admit that my trust is lacking with everything else, like getting us moved back to Washington and keeping our own little family and critters healthy. I’m also ashamed to admit that I have this mentality that because I was the recipient of such an amazing blessing when God allowed my health to improve so drastically, that I do not qualify for any additional blessings. But I know better than to think like that because we are promised in Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV that, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works so that no one can boast.”
Jesus dying on the cross, forgave what I did and what I will do as long as I confess. Grace is about what He did and that cannot ever be earned. When Jesus died on the cross for me and everyone else, that was never earned, but I still received that precious gift. Therefore, I have to believe that receiving healing was also not earned and that I just need to rest in peace that regardless of whatever challenges may come up for me or my family, his grace will sustain.
~Jenn
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Stop texting and pay attention – vehicles are deadly weapons too
Posted by crusaderjennblog in debateable, family, news on January 6, 2015
I’m not a fan of regurgitated information, but this situation continues to bug me so maybe I needed to vent a little. I don’t know that there’s anything to attribute what seems to be an excessive death toll on Southern Nevada roads to anything other than drivers who fail to pay attention. Are they talking or texting on their phones? Nevada DOT stated that there were 271 fatalities on Nevada roads in 2014. I remember one weekend in November, there were 11 alone. It’s disturbing that it’s as high as it is. I think the worst situation was just a few days before Thanksgiving when a grandfather took his 18-month-old grand-daughter for a walk in her stroller and was hit by a driver who fled the scene. Was the driver texting or was she DUI? We will never know.
My heart still goes out to the family of this grandpa who died at the scene of this accident. Locals were fired-up for a long time because the driver had the wherewith-all to recognize she ‘may have’ hit someone, but instead of calling 911, she retained an attorney. Was she texting or drunk? It does not get better at this point… She told her attorney she would turn herself in after Thanksgiving. Now, I’m just a simple blogger and I understand attorney-client privilege, but don’t your rights get tossed-out when ya commit a felony? And wouldn’t said felony make ya forfeit spending the holidays with people ya love? She turned herself in 8 days later, but almost promptly bonded-out. Now this story gets better because when she bonded-out, our local law enforcement in cooperation with U.S. Immigration officers were already gathering the required documentation of her expired Visa so they could rearrest the overly smug Bulgarian. As of the end of the year, she remains in jail and my hope is that she’ll be deported with iron branding on her forehead and limbs that says , “Work Visa Failure. Not Authorized to be on American soil.” Or something to that effect…
Too harsh or not harsh enough? What do you think would be the ideal punishment for a foreigner committing a felony in the United States?
~Jenn
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We are not homeless
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith on December 23, 2014
As I reread my posts, I realized the last one over six months ago, I left hanging and failed to update some things like, did we move? And did we still have a home? The thing is, we were hanging by a thread with no clear path. And then, my husband managed to obtain a position. That was so God. That we had no answers and miracle upon miracles, I mentioned before that God is never late and He’s always, always on time. And God provided just when my husband’s unemployment ran out. The position was not what I would call ideal because of the graveyard hours and the part of town where one of the work-sites was located, but it was legal, paid the bills and ensured we could remain in our home.
And then another answer to prayer… Earlier in the year, my husband applied for a sales position, but never heard from the company again after they initially called. Then, months later in late October, he finally heard from them again. He interviewed, was offered a job and started the second week of November. The timing of that additional answer to prayer was incredible. The graveyard position he worked ensured a crappy sleep schedule in addition to requiring that he remain on his feet the entire shift. My husband had injured his knee playing soccer a couple of years ago and even after surgery, his mobility never returned to what it once was, so being on his feet nonstop, even with decent shoes, was taking it’s tole. His increasing knee pain and lack of sleep were making him weary and he mentioned filing for disability. And right after that, he got the call to interview with the company where he works currently. God’s timing is perfect. And because it is not a regionally based sales position, he should be able to take the job with him when we’re hoping to move north next spring. Yay!
With each challenge, God has provided, but I like to have my plans and to-do lists mapped-out ahead of time and with great specificity, so this waiting for answers process has been brutal on my psyche because of that whole inner-control-freak issue that I battle with for dominance consistently. More than anything through this process of waiting to plan, God keeps telling me, “Not now, Jenn.” And yet, here I am continuing to attempt to control things. I have this perception that God must shake his head as he looks at me, “There Jenn goes again and why doesn’t she just rest in My peace? She’d be a lot more comfortable. That girl is a walking panic-attack.” As hard as I try to just let God be God, I feel I must prepare and think ahead. And what that says is that I don’t trust God to take care of things so I’m going to take care of it myself.
I get it. I really do and this year has been such a massive challenge for my faith. I had written about my experience years ago as I prayed for, hoped and waited for healing and my current set of circumstances is similar in that I MUST WAIT. In my head, I keep hearing the childhood song, “He’s got the whole world in his hands, he’s got the whole world in his hands…” and I’ve gained some much-needed comfort from reciting those words as I’ve found myself doubting if God can handle this. Shame on me for even questioning him because I’ve seen and experienced the blessing of God’s healing power, his healing in my marriage, his ongoing provision for family and friends and yet I still have the audacity to question him. Really, Lord? Can you handle getting us back to Washington? And as I replay those song lyrics in my head, I get a resounding, “Yes. Now be still!” I am an ongoing work in progress and I’m prayerful that one of these days soon, the relationship I once had with my Creator will get back to where it was. Back then, I was consistently at peace with everything instead of allowing the inconsequential crap of life to provide interference…
Joseph and Mary had less than ideal surroundings as they journeyed to Bethlehem on a donkey while she was pregnant only to give birth in a stable, but it was fine, as the Lord provided what they needed and as He kept them safe and protected. Neither of them obtained a memo about Gods’s plan and the simplicity of God bringing the savior of the world to a manger causes me shame and I’m embarrassed of my lofty expectations. Who am I? Thank you, Lord for the gift of your Son and for keeping things in perspective.
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