Posts Tagged I believe
It is well with my soul
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, Inspiration, Living with MS on July 22, 2015
I love the newer version of this old hymn and God has continued to use this song to keep me and my thoughts in-check because at times, and I’ll be honest, I’ve gone from zero negativity to Defcon Red in milliseconds, for which there is really no valid reason. Those reasons have been ridiculous and those worries have been entirely unfounded. The “what if?” game and I have been on again, off again roommates and I still have to work at kicking-out the unwanted guest when they attempt to argue, sit down and makes themselves at home for an extended stay as they readily rehash what’s wrong in my life, when all I must do is counter-hash everything that is right. Here is Matt Redman’s version of “It Is Well With My Soul.”
I have been so very blessed! In 2001 my MS was on a fast-track quickly retrogressing and I became dependent upon using a wheelchair full-time. 2015 marks 10 years since I regained feeling in my legs, was healed and able to again walk and not require the assistance of a wheelchair. Thank you, Lord.
My Dad was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year ago in 2014. With each quarterly exam, the cancer was confirmed with the understanding that because it was a slow-growing cancer, nothing was an emergency, but it would need to be monitored. My Dad’s quarterly cancer check-up and biopsy in June came back, “No cancer.” As in with all the many many samples they extracted, there was NO TRACE of it. Thank you, Lord.
Our oldest kitty Thor, died at end of April- just a couple of months ago. He was with us 18 years and he lived a pretty long and happy life filled with chasing string and consistent purrs. We adopted Thor shortly after B and I married. Our youngest kitty, Zephyr was diagnosed with kidney stones last winter and because of the process of going under the knife, we’ve hesitated to get him the surgery. With our loss of Thor, the Lord knew we needed some comfort and allowed Zephyr to be instrumental in providing that with lots of loves and cuddles as we mourned, but we remained worried that his condition would also take him from us too soon. Zephyr is now stone-free. Thank you, Lord.
My husband had a bad cough for about a year and the doctor said it was fine. It went away and then the cough started again and I kept reminding B to go to his doctor to see what was going on. They did a full exam and also ran an x-ray this time around. The x-ray was clear and everything is absolutely fine with his lungs except that the doc put him on an allergy regimen and now that painful cough is almost completely gone. Thank you, Lord.
I doubt that there are any other Christians out there who have ever been able to relate to being control-freaks or worrying excessively. What? You might resemble being controlling? You worry about stuff too? Then you can relate… I guess that somehow I believed in my very misguided perception is that if I worried needlessly about anything big or small, that things will get better or something ridiculous like that. I am thankful that God has a plan and that through my worries, He’s waited patiently for me to step-back, give him those reigns for my inner control-freak extraordinaire and just let him be God. It’s a process and I am an active work-in-progress with needing to remind myself daily that, “‘He’s got this, Jenn.” It’s very silly the amount of control that I perceive I have. I believe that the above situations served for no other purpose than to get my faith on-track. But then, it may not be all about me, so perhaps my perspective is selfish in that the listed situations were to grow my faith, when those also could have also served to grow my husband’s faith, my Dad faith, my Mom’s faith and / or my Sister’s faith…
As B and I have again felt led to pursue adoption, our faith has very much been stretched. It’s far from ideal circumstances since we’re older and have less money than the first time we attempted to adopt in ’07, but God’s bigger. We’ve been called to just be obedient to his guidance. He’s bigger than our perceived ideal circumstances and we have questions, but more than anything, we must trust in him.
Relinquishing control is not easy, but I’m confident that considering my own life is just a little blip on God’s screen, that He can see all things past, present and future and that there is a Divine purpose for him allowing you or me or any other person to go through anything. Those situations are either good or bad character building or faith building.
What are you made of? Do you struggle with doubt? What kind of situations have challenged your own faith?
Jenn
It’s come to my attention that I’m clairvoyant
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family on July 16, 2015
And it’s not anything that I ever wanted, but I guess since it’s not in any way a career path, we’re all good. Since my left brain-ness typically only considers the literal about most things, it takes me a while to ‘get’ anything outside the box, because I’m legalistic that way. In summary of this situation, one might say, I failed to add two and two, where the most basic of addition would have lead me to recognize a simple correlation between nearby regional earthquakes and a challenging vertigo episode that often begins within a few hours to 48 hours before a quake. Perhaps it all depends on how slow or fast the tectonic plates shift or how massive the seismic activity in my geographic region? Is there a seismic expert in the house?
I only recognized this during the recent few months that with each earthquake that has occurred within my region in the last 20 years, I’ve experienced severe vertigo. By ‘severe’, I mean vertigo that has me seeing doubles/triples and everything around me spinning at an exponential speed. How’s that for fun? On the bright side, this ‘fun’ occurs without warning and gives me a sensation that I am taking full advantage of an unlimited pass to ride all the twisting and turning roller-coasters on this planet – all in a few minutes. Yay for me! Now the reality is that one of these unwelcome vertigo episodes begins with spinning and often gets worse through the first day only to climax until the earthquake occurs. Then as a final reminder to not forget that this unwelcome guest stopped-by and overstayed its welcome, it provides a sickness ‘hangover’ for at least a day after the event. When you’ve been sick with a cold or flu for example and have taken those fantastic symptom hiding over-the-counter treatments like the, “Sniffling, sneezing, head-aching, so you can rest magic,” and wake the next morning feeling a little more clear-headed, but wondering where and what barricade you hit going 55 miles per hour, that’s the medicine hangover I’m talking about, as I wouldn’t know anything about other types.
When the most recent episode occurred June 23, I posted to the social network: I said something to the effect that, “History states whenever I experience a severe case of vertigo, an earthquake occurs in my geographic region within 48 hours, but I hope for once I will be a false prophet.” So, 48 hours came and went and nothing happened. Except it did. But I’m not on the network enough to see comments or even watch the local news because I might at times resemble living under a rock when said vertigo occurs. Watching TV and reading the paper is impossible when I see doubles and triples of everything. So, a friend saw my post and watched our regional news closely and notified me that a quake occurred on our fault line. In Alaska. Another quake occurred May 22 – same situation in me having vertigo a couple days ahead. We also had a quake earlier in the year and like clock-work, vertigo set in a couple days in advance. So wherever we’ve lived, vertigo is indicative of an earthquake within 48 hours. I believe there’s a correlation between how much of he human body is water (60-75%) depending on which expert and just like the changing tides and the closer a full moon gets to earth, there is something that sets off my balance and the liquid in my inner-ear that goes wonky with seismic activity.
You probably agree that my husband had an interesting perspective about this. B’s interpretation was that upon me discovering my ‘ability” to foresee earthquakes, I should also consider that God’s using this ability to communicate with me. Wow! That interpretation was unexpected. Decades ago at the private school, my classmate’s nickname for me, was ‘Doubting Thomas,’ which could not be more accurate than it is now. And the reason it’s relevant is because for over a year, I’ve received these ‘snapshots’ that just appear in my head. These uninspired and by uninspired, I haven’t seen a tear-jerker commercial, for example, but these snapshots have been of me or B or both of us with one or two children, but since we don’t have children, I got into the habit of quickly disregarding these ‘snapshots.’ (I’ll share with you later about B’s reaction a few months ago to my confession about the snapshots). And that’s why B’s interpretation is that just like I foresee earthquakes, God’s trying to show me that these snapshots are going to be reality. What? Whoa, Dude! No way! Is this even a reasonable possibility? Yes. Matthew 19:26. And Mark 9:24 has also become a daily reference. Dear Lord, I want to believe and I think I believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!
Are you clairvoyant or have you experienced anything like this or have you been a witness to someone experiencing this?
Football is not a mathematical equation
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Football, life, marriage on December 31, 2014
Since August and having had my very own fantasy football team this year, I’ve been committed to learning football (finally) for the 2014-2015 season, although I’m confident that it will take more than a single season to get me to where I’m not consistently interrupting a game to ask questions about why this or that is or is not a penalty. My husband will attest to the fact that for nearly two decades, I’ve been unimpressed by the sport and thought little of bothering to learn. I knew a few basics, but because of my left-brainness those basics never computed to my sense of logic, so understandably, I disregarded the whole idea of adding any football knowledge to the mix. For starters, in football, there is a quarterback, a halfback and a fullback. But there is no three-quarters back position. I would like to understand why there is this position deficit. Then, there is the tight end position. The logical counterpart position would suggest that there is also a player who is the loose end, but there is no such position. What I have learned for certain is that this learning process is irrelevant because the only thing that ultimately matters is whether a team wins. I must make sense of get-over the senseless mathematics of football positions.
As a Washingtonian, my logical allegiance is to support the Seattle Seahawks and this year from afar obviously, I have gotten to know Coach Pete Carroll and how the team conducts themselves. Russell Wilson is my favorite, but I’m also a big fan of other players like Marshawn Lynch Beast Mode and his 79 yard touchdown in the recent game against Arizona. Richard Sherman, Earl Thomas, Doug Baldwin, Kam Chancellor and Luke Willson are additional players with whom I’m becoming more knowledgeable. Win or loss, I will support them. I refuse to be one of those fans who doles-out support conditionally. The above is my first method of showing support for the Seattle Seahawks, with a rear-window decal on my rig. This is my rig and not my husband’s. Besides, he supports Oakland. Thank you, Sweetheart for patiently guiding me through my first NFL season. GO HAWKS!
~Jenn
I Believe
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Uncategorized on December 25, 2014
I don’t give myself permission to listen to Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving and I also don’t wear any pair of festive Christmas socks or fun Christmas earrings until the day after Thanksgiving. Those are the rules. I also had a rule that if my attitude was not where it needed to be as far as being cheerful and uplifting, I had no business wearing those items as it would be a conflict of interest, so my rules motivated me to ensure that my mind and heart were in the right place. I also have an extensive collection of fun socks with cats, dogs, polka dots, stripes, etc. for year- around wear, but the same rules apply. I don’t have the right to be around people or wear any fun thing that contradicts my attitude, so, imagine how quickly that forced me to reassess why my attitude was where it was and pray for help to recognize what I need to in order to get over myself.
This was and generally still is a practice I’d gotten into the habit of doing, but at some point during the past several months, I haven’t been nearly as cheerful as I normally am and when the day after Thanksgiving arrived, I thought as I grabbed a pair of fantastically festive reindeer socks. “Oh no! Am I truly ready?” I remembered my rules and determined I wasn’t ready to wear them and immediately started listening to my collection of Christmas tunes as I should have done sooner than November. I’m confident you recall Buddy’s rule from the film Elf, “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” My thoughts transferred to listening to Christmas music and singing along would assist me in changing my attitude. And it did.
When I anxiously started packing the house for moving several months ago, I did not believe we would still be in Nevada to miss another holiday with either of our families. But, here we are, still in Nevada in 2014, with no Christmas tree and only one of those beautiful wreaths from Costco, hung over the door, as that was the only decorative Christmas item still easily accessed. Thankfully,the sock moratorium did not last, but a couple days. I may still have a few minutes of a bad attitude, but I try to keep it brief because getting caught-up in myself and my thoughts for too long is not healthy. I’ve determined being a few states away from our families for another Thanksgiving / Christmas season is the issue, but I have to keep reminding myself we’re only a few months away from returning home.
As I was writing the other day, Christmas music was playing and I always stop whatever I’m doing to reflect on the impacting lyrics of Natalie Grant’s song “I Believe” and I’ve included a link for you copy into your browser so you can watch and listen:
Value time with loved ones and have a very Merry Christmas.
~Jenn





