Merriam Webster’s website (2015) defines intention as a noun and “something you aim to do” or a “purpose.”   I believe that most people hope and aim to do their best and make intentions / commitments accordingly, therefore one might say that, “They had the best INTENTIONS.”  I occasionally hear and read emails from or about people admitting to an event or something they intended to do, but obviously failed since the word was in the past-tense.  Failed intentions are quickly given a pass because that wasn’t their, let’s say it together, INTENTION.  The word is over-used and loosely-used to excuse an over-commitment (lie) /  bad behavior or a failure.  Now I’m confident that there are a great many who will call me judgmental and say I lack tolerance of people’s situations and go on to say that I must be perfect, blah, blah blah…  I am far from perfection, but as a Christian, I try to do better than the day before and never over-commit.  I was once one of those obtuse folks who over-committed and later canceled last-minute because I had the best of intentions to participate in making some donated goodies, for example, or however I committed only to later realize I committed to an activity in which I aimed to participate, that I really never had any intention of being involved. Okay, now get over yourself because you wouldn’t be that defensive if you weren’t also guilty of this.

At one time, I intended / committed to make cookies every Sunday for our old church.  It was a small church and I needed to make only seven dozen cookies, which I often made every Saturday-night for the next morning.  Considering how much I love baking, it was a very small act of service, but there came a point a few months later after doing this every weekend when I became bored and would cancel because I just didn’t feel like baking.  Granted I had health issues that were becoming a contributing factor in this, but I should have resigned from my commitment ahead of time instead of being proud and stubborn.  I spoke with someone about this and Mickey pointed out to me that intentions can go either way – we either do what we committed to do or we intend to not follow-through.  When he further explained that it’s either/or  or pass/fail, my eyes were opened more widely because I think like many, we think our intentions outweigh outcomes.  But they do not.

About intentions in marriage…

Commitments / intentions should be as solid as your marriage vows and upheld.  You make a commitment to your spouse and you should do whatever you have to to make sure you do not fail.  Obviously, emergencies happen and must be accommodated, but a commitment remains a commitment.  Over recent months this has become somewhat of a thing in my marriage.  We’re working on 19 years together, but it’s been fairly consistent during only the last couple of years that B’s intentions to do something for me have some sort of ‘optional’ clause to not follow-through, perhaps?  It is a bit hurtful, I admit, but because he intended to follow-through, I think he thinks that he should receive points for the intention, I guess?  Now these broken commitments are small in the grand scheme and are not by any means divorce-worthy.  However, it remains hurtful that I might have become somewhat of a sacrifice, as he makes sure he follows-through with each commitment beyond us.  Perhaps he doesn’t want to appear a flake among coworkers or peers?

It’s interesting that people have such varying perspectives on intentions with spouses.   For one individual, an intention to a spouse is as good as a signed contract and they will move mountains to ensure the intention/commitment remains unbroken, but for another, who sees their spouse as ‘just my husband’ or ‘just my wife,’ they have given themselves the option to fail [Stop taking your spouse for granted!], when it should be the complete opposite as they should elevate their spouse’s importance instead of diminishing it.  Commitments to a spouse to fix an appliance or prepare a platter of goodies for coworkers or whatever the task is should be more important than commitments to non-spouses since you’re married to one and only work with or for another.  I’ve never understood those who say things like that because essentially, they have lessened their spouses role and therefore their spouse’s value.  Many years ago, I attended a work-related event with my husband and when his boss walked-up and asked who I was, I smiled and said, “I’m just B’s wife, Jennifer.”  B’s boss responded with, “Hmm, you mean you ARE his wife and not just his wife…”  That might have been eye-opening for me because there I was speaking condescendingly about myself.

Now, I must explain that my husband is NOT a monster.  I think at times his focus gets wrapped-up in whatever project has his attention and that he doesn’t see the looming ‘something’s got to give’ warning sign up ahead.  Unfortunately, that something is most often me because typically I am an understanding wife I attempt to be an understanding wife.  I suspect there might be a few others in a similar situation and am curious how you address a concern with your spouse or do you prefer to avoid it?  What is your best approach?  What is your coping-mechanism?   I like wine, which may or may not be relevant in this situation, but I believe that I just stumbled upon another blog-post idea…

~Jenn