Over the course of twenty-two years with MS and its retrogression through abilities like my choice to temporarily give-up driving at the tender age of 27, only to again be able to reclaim it a few years later -albeit with some hesitance, #loveindependencebutIvalueyoursafetytoo, and then the need to self-catheterize in public restrooms #hateunsanitarybutnecessary was mandatory because when you gotta go, always go with confidence.  And then there was the necessity of needing walking help with a cane or walker and dealing with the loud and ignorant judgmental heckler’s (stangers) comments, let’s call a spade a spade, #grumpyoldcodgers being bullies simply jealous I obtained the last handi-capable parking spot, or the accusations that I “faked” using various devices for good parking, but the most influential, yet one of the most difficult to accept component was accepting rides to appointments from well-meaning #friends and #family.  

These were all contributors that #God used to help me absorb the much-needed lessons of being humble.  #lessonoffaith Thank you, Lord for being patient with me.  #godnevergivesuponus  Thank you also to friends for your help and thank you, #Jesus for teaching me to learn to simply appreciate a friendly act of service.  I don’t recall just who interrupted me in one of my misguided tirades about people boosting their own egos to offer to “help the cripple.”  Was I that bad?  I know it’s hard to believe, but yes, Jenn is #stubborn, and I was likely worse than I imagined because it was in my head that I believed most people were fake.  

And I often revert to speaking about myself in third-person when I get frustrated.  #oldhabitsdiehard  To mentally turn each offer to help, into an ego boost for themselves.  A lesson I’ve been learning is to accept things at #facevalue instead of trying to read between the lines for some (but likely not there) hidden meaning.  Talk about being a mental-case.  I might most definitely resemble that.  Ever heard, ” When you worry about what others think of you, you’d be surprised how little they do.”  Whoa.  So as much as I think people want to make me feel a certain way, they don’t. I ultimately control how I feel and most people have better things to do than manipulate ways to be condescending.  Again-whoa.  Jenn’s learned it’s much easier to believe an offer is sincere.  If it’s not, that is not my problem because I should not be required to further analyze anything.   

I detested being required to depend on others to #chauffeur me to doctor appointments, and because of the increasing menu of my many worsening #relapsingremittingMS issues, there were many of those to see various specialists like a speech pathologist to assess learning to speak again, a physical therapist to help me re-learn to walk, a urologist to learn how to safely #catheterize in an emergency, just to name a few things.  Because of the many basic abilities I had taken for granted, the lesson to give-up stuff and be forced to accept and later embrace a new practice in order to get what I needed was somewhat lengthy.  You can imagine teaching an old dog mule-like human some new tricks.  

Yes, those first couple of years being disabled before turning 30, even I was a pain.  You better believe it.  I was that old dog.  #stubbornasamule  Although it probably took longer than was necessary since I was so resistant to accepting help for so long, but once this girl got-it, it became easier and easier to just say, “Yes, I appreciate your offer to help and thank you very much.  What day would be best for you?”  Another challenging situation was when people offered to buy or prepare us a meal, drop it off and expect nothing in return.  Because of my limp and gimpiness, I am a klutz and when I shattered my ankle seven times slipping on the driveway in ’07, several brought us meals.  Again, thank you for helping in a big way.  But, I very very briefly got back in the mode of analyzing people instead of just saying, “Thank you,” but then quickly realized this was a meal I could in no way prepare for B #husband #love before he came home from work.  The moral of the story is accept someone’s offer to help and don’t forget to say thank you and send a thank you note.  Those became my new rules.  Much easier.  And no further analyzing.  Whew!  This girl’s brain needs a rest.  But today, I’m asking for grace while I’m getting the I-V full of #MS treatment as I try to coherently share my thoughts.  Thank you in advance.  

Speaking of friends, there’s a generous couple from #church who have offered to provide dinner for us as I go through this #Lemtrada #MS treatment.  Thank you to friends like this who “get-it.”  Instead of of putting the responsibility on us to, “Just let you know if we need anything.” This couple called yesterday and asked if they could bring us dinner tonight.  As a matter of fact, that is precisely how such an offer should happen.  Those are the best kind.  It’s humbling that people would do this for us.  It might seem silly that I really cannot do much, but I cannot go anywhere or even try to exercise while the I-V is attached so here I am several hours a day getting treatment.  Maybe compare it to being on a long flight, sitting several hours and also being at the doctor’s office for vitals monitoring.  

                                                           💙💚💙  GO HAWKS!  💙💚💙