I love the newer version of this old hymn and God has continued to use this song to keep me and my thoughts in-check because at times, and I’ll be honest, I’ve gone from zero negativity to Defcon Red in milliseconds, for which there is really no valid reason.  Those reasons have been ridiculous and those worries have been entirely unfounded.  The “what if?” game and I have been on again, off again roommates and I still have to work at kicking-out the unwanted guest when they attempt to argue, sit down and makes themselves at home for an extended stay as they readily rehash what’s wrong in my life, when all I must do is counter-hash everything that is right.  Here is Matt Redman’s version of “It Is Well With My Soul.”

I have been so very blessed!  In 2001 my MS was on a fast-track quickly retrogressing and I became dependent upon using a wheelchair full-time.  2015 marks 10 years since I regained feeling in my legs, was healed and able to again walk and not require the assistance of a wheelchair.  Thank you, Lord.  

My Dad was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year ago in 2014.  With each quarterly exam, the cancer was confirmed with the understanding that because it was a slow-growing cancer, nothing was an emergency, but it would need to be monitored.  My Dad’s quarterly cancer check-up and biopsy in June came back, “No cancer.”  As in with all the many many samples they extracted, there was NO TRACE of it.  Thank you, Lord.

Our oldest kitty Thor, died at end of April- just a couple of months ago.  He was with us 18 years and he lived a pretty long and happy life filled with chasing string and consistent purrs.  We adopted Thor shortly after B and I married.  Our youngest kitty, Zephyr was diagnosed with kidney stones last winter and because of the process of going under the knife, we’ve hesitated to get him the surgery.  With our loss of Thor, the Lord knew we needed some comfort and allowed Zephyr to be instrumental in providing that with lots of loves and cuddles as we mourned, but we remained worried that his condition would also take him from us too soon.  Zephyr is now stone-free. Thank you, Lord.

My husband had a bad cough for about a year and the doctor said it was fine.  It went away and then the cough started again and I kept reminding B to go to his doctor to see what was going on.  They did a full exam and also ran an x-ray this time around.  The x-ray was clear and everything is absolutely fine with his lungs except that the doc put him on an allergy regimen and now that painful cough is almost completely gone.  Thank you, Lord.

I doubt that there are any other Christians out there who have ever been able to relate to being control-freaks or worrying excessively.  What?  You might resemble being controlling?  You worry about stuff too?  Then you can relate…  I guess that somehow I believed in my very misguided perception is that if I worried needlessly about anything big or small, that things will get better or something ridiculous like that.  I am thankful that God has a plan and that through my worries, He’s waited patiently for me to step-back, give him those reigns for my inner control-freak extraordinaire and just let him be God.  It’s a process and I am an active work-in-progress with needing to remind myself daily that, “‘He’s got this, Jenn.”  It’s very silly the amount of control that I perceive I have.  I believe that the above situations served for no other purpose than to get my faith on-track.  But then, it may not be all about me, so perhaps my perspective is selfish in that the listed situations were to grow my faith, when those also could have also served to grow my husband’s faith, my Dad faith, my Mom’s faith and / or my Sister’s faith…

As B and I have again felt led to pursue adoption, our faith has very much been stretched.  It’s far from ideal circumstances since we’re older and have less money than the first time we attempted to adopt in ’07, but God’s bigger.  We’ve been called to just be obedient to his guidance.  He’s bigger than our perceived ideal circumstances and we have questions, but more than anything, we must trust in him.

Relinquishing control is not easy, but I’m confident that considering my own life is just a little blip on God’s screen, that He can see all things past, present and future and that there is a Divine purpose for him allowing you or me or any other person to go through anything.  Those situations are either good or bad character building or faith building.

What are you made of?  Do you struggle with doubt?  What kind of situations have challenged your own faith?

Jenn