Posts Tagged prayer
It is well with my soul
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, Inspiration, Living with MS on July 22, 2015
I love the newer version of this old hymn and God has continued to use this song to keep me and my thoughts in-check because at times, and I’ll be honest, I’ve gone from zero negativity to Defcon Red in milliseconds, for which there is really no valid reason. Those reasons have been ridiculous and those worries have been entirely unfounded. The “what if?” game and I have been on again, off again roommates and I still have to work at kicking-out the unwanted guest when they attempt to argue, sit down and makes themselves at home for an extended stay as they readily rehash what’s wrong in my life, when all I must do is counter-hash everything that is right. Here is Matt Redman’s version of “It Is Well With My Soul.”
I have been so very blessed! In 2001 my MS was on a fast-track quickly retrogressing and I became dependent upon using a wheelchair full-time. 2015 marks 10 years since I regained feeling in my legs, was healed and able to again walk and not require the assistance of a wheelchair. Thank you, Lord.
My Dad was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year ago in 2014. With each quarterly exam, the cancer was confirmed with the understanding that because it was a slow-growing cancer, nothing was an emergency, but it would need to be monitored. My Dad’s quarterly cancer check-up and biopsy in June came back, “No cancer.” As in with all the many many samples they extracted, there was NO TRACE of it. Thank you, Lord.
Our oldest kitty Thor, died at end of April- just a couple of months ago. He was with us 18 years and he lived a pretty long and happy life filled with chasing string and consistent purrs. We adopted Thor shortly after B and I married. Our youngest kitty, Zephyr was diagnosed with kidney stones last winter and because of the process of going under the knife, we’ve hesitated to get him the surgery. With our loss of Thor, the Lord knew we needed some comfort and allowed Zephyr to be instrumental in providing that with lots of loves and cuddles as we mourned, but we remained worried that his condition would also take him from us too soon. Zephyr is now stone-free. Thank you, Lord.
My husband had a bad cough for about a year and the doctor said it was fine. It went away and then the cough started again and I kept reminding B to go to his doctor to see what was going on. They did a full exam and also ran an x-ray this time around. The x-ray was clear and everything is absolutely fine with his lungs except that the doc put him on an allergy regimen and now that painful cough is almost completely gone. Thank you, Lord.
I doubt that there are any other Christians out there who have ever been able to relate to being control-freaks or worrying excessively. What? You might resemble being controlling? You worry about stuff too? Then you can relate… I guess that somehow I believed in my very misguided perception is that if I worried needlessly about anything big or small, that things will get better or something ridiculous like that. I am thankful that God has a plan and that through my worries, He’s waited patiently for me to step-back, give him those reigns for my inner control-freak extraordinaire and just let him be God. It’s a process and I am an active work-in-progress with needing to remind myself daily that, “‘He’s got this, Jenn.” It’s very silly the amount of control that I perceive I have. I believe that the above situations served for no other purpose than to get my faith on-track. But then, it may not be all about me, so perhaps my perspective is selfish in that the listed situations were to grow my faith, when those also could have also served to grow my husband’s faith, my Dad faith, my Mom’s faith and / or my Sister’s faith…
As B and I have again felt led to pursue adoption, our faith has very much been stretched. It’s far from ideal circumstances since we’re older and have less money than the first time we attempted to adopt in ’07, but God’s bigger. We’ve been called to just be obedient to his guidance. He’s bigger than our perceived ideal circumstances and we have questions, but more than anything, we must trust in him.
Relinquishing control is not easy, but I’m confident that considering my own life is just a little blip on God’s screen, that He can see all things past, present and future and that there is a Divine purpose for him allowing you or me or any other person to go through anything. Those situations are either good or bad character building or faith building.
What are you made of? Do you struggle with doubt? What kind of situations have challenged your own faith?
Jenn
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I am the worst blogger. Ever.
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family, health, Inspiration, life, marriage, MS on May 12, 2015
Updating and sharing… I get so caught-up in doing irrelevant tasks like decorating the house (as I should have done years ago) and baking and currently researching to understand trends, that when I’m riding such a wave of momentum that I cannot stop or maybe I don’t stop? Shortly after I completed the ‘making our house a home’ ordeal back in early April, I was able to again join a gym. I’ve missed that daily habit for several years and when my MS improved back in ’05 and we were still in WA, I joined a gym and enlisted the help of a trainer who coincidentally also has MS, and provided me with a detailed program of cardio exercises, strength-building and toning exercises for me to keep some level of strength. But, since moving, I really had not been in a gym in years. I’m thankful most of the strength that I’d built remained during my gym absence and I was able to work the same major and minor muscle groups each day that I did earlier, so it took only a couple of weeks to get back into the habit in 2015. So once again these activities became part of my current routine with lifting four days a week, and doing between 7-10 miles of cardio on my recumbent bike at home daily.
Another project that’s had my ongoing attention is getting our pool ready for Pool-Season. During winter and early spring, there’s a minor level of maintenance required except after days of excessive wind and leaves blowing into the pool a few days each month. We had a couple of weeks of windy weather in late April, which resulted in a slightly cloudy pool from all the dust and then the vacuüm stopped working, but was not clogged so I enlisted a professional to diagnose our pool’s problem. I didn’t know what I didn’t know and I hate to claim ignorance, but there were a few steps that went ignored with our pool maintenance. So after cleaning the filters and getting ALL the appropriate equipment, with my newly acquired knowledge of ALL the steps, the pool is running just fine for the coming summer Pool-Season, which now that we’re consistently involved with our small group from church and they’re aware of our pool, there are definite expectations of us hosting pool-related barbecues/get-togethers.
Also relating to Pool-Season, my hair is short again. Long hair gets hot on my neck and I gripe about it for a month, even with it pulled-up in a pony-tail and I finally give in to getting it cut. It’ll grow back, unless I determine the shorter do is a keeper… Another thing is for years, my sister has been on me to watch Mad Men and a couple of weeks ago, B and I tried it a third time and well…we’re finally in. Jon Hamm is gorgeous, which has nothing to do with anything, but have you seen “Million Dollar Arm”? He’s definitely also a DB in that film just like he is in MM… And Peggy? Why didn’t anyone catch-on to her being pregnant? I called that long before she even started showing… Speaking of pregnancy, my sister is due in August and we’re once again attempting to adopt, but this time is different so more on that later.
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Funny Friday
Posted by crusaderjennblog in family, Funny Friday on February 6, 2015
We’re already at the first Friday of February 2015! I love a good parody vid and this “All About That Cake(and Chicken)” vid is pretty cute (tune based on Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass.”
The magnified size of a spider (in my head) might explain why I have this irrational fear of those eight-legged monsters…
What a great idea!!!
Lie detector test – but kids never lie!
Enjoy and have a fabulous weekend!
~Jenn
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Let’s talk about intentions
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, marriage on February 5, 2015
Merriam Webster’s website (2015) defines intention as a noun and “something you aim to do” or a “purpose.” I believe that most people hope and aim to do their best and make intentions / commitments accordingly, therefore one might say that, “They had the best INTENTIONS.” I occasionally hear and read emails from or about people admitting to an event or something they intended to do, but obviously failed since the word was in the past-tense. Failed intentions are quickly given a pass because that wasn’t their, let’s say it together, INTENTION. The word is over-used and loosely-used to excuse an over-commitment (lie) / bad behavior or a failure. Now I’m confident that there are a great many who will call me judgmental and say I lack tolerance of people’s situations and go on to say that I must be perfect, blah, blah blah… I am far from perfection, but as a Christian, I try to do better than the day before and never over-commit. I was once one of those obtuse folks who over-committed and later canceled last-minute because I had the best of intentions to participate in making some donated goodies, for example, or however I committed only to later realize I committed to an activity in which I aimed to participate, that I really never had any intention of being involved. Okay, now get over yourself because you wouldn’t be that defensive if you weren’t also guilty of this.
At one time, I intended / committed to make cookies every Sunday for our old church. It was a small church and I needed to make only seven dozen cookies, which I often made every Saturday-night for the next morning. Considering how much I love baking, it was a very small act of service, but there came a point a few months later after doing this every weekend when I became bored and would cancel because I just didn’t feel like baking. Granted I had health issues that were becoming a contributing factor in this, but I should have resigned from my commitment ahead of time instead of being proud and stubborn. I spoke with someone about this and Mickey pointed out to me that intentions can go either way – we either do what we committed to do or we intend to not follow-through. When he further explained that it’s either/or or pass/fail, my eyes were opened more widely because I think like many, we think our intentions outweigh outcomes. But they do not.
About intentions in marriage…
Commitments / intentions should be as solid as your marriage vows and upheld. You make a commitment to your spouse and you should do whatever you have to to make sure you do not fail. Obviously, emergencies happen and must be accommodated, but a commitment remains a commitment. Over recent months this has become somewhat of a thing in my marriage. We’re working on 19 years together, but it’s been fairly consistent during only the last couple of years that B’s intentions to do something for me have some sort of ‘optional’ clause to not follow-through, perhaps? It is a bit hurtful, I admit, but because he intended to follow-through, I think he thinks that he should receive points for the intention, I guess? Now these broken commitments are small in the grand scheme and are not by any means divorce-worthy. However, it remains hurtful that I might have become somewhat of a sacrifice, as he makes sure he follows-through with each commitment beyond us. Perhaps he doesn’t want to appear a flake among coworkers or peers?
It’s interesting that people have such varying perspectives on intentions with spouses. For one individual, an intention to a spouse is as good as a signed contract and they will move mountains to ensure the intention/commitment remains unbroken, but for another, who sees their spouse as ‘just my husband’ or ‘just my wife,’ they have given themselves the option to fail [Stop taking your spouse for granted!], when it should be the complete opposite as they should elevate their spouse’s importance instead of diminishing it. Commitments to a spouse to fix an appliance or prepare a platter of goodies for coworkers or whatever the task is should be more important than commitments to non-spouses since you’re married to one and only work with or for another. I’ve never understood those who say things like that because essentially, they have lessened their spouses role and therefore their spouse’s value. Many years ago, I attended a work-related event with my husband and when his boss walked-up and asked who I was, I smiled and said, “I’m just B’s wife, Jennifer.” B’s boss responded with, “Hmm, you mean you ARE his wife and not just his wife…” That might have been eye-opening for me because there I was speaking condescendingly about myself.
Now, I must explain that my husband is NOT a monster. I think at times his focus gets wrapped-up in whatever project has his attention and that he doesn’t see the looming ‘something’s got to give’ warning sign up ahead. Unfortunately, that something is most often me because typically I am an understanding wife I attempt to be an understanding wife. I suspect there might be a few others in a similar situation and am curious how you address a concern with your spouse or do you prefer to avoid it? What is your best approach? What is your coping-mechanism? I like wine, which may or may not be relevant in this situation, but I believe that I just stumbled upon another blog-post idea…
~Jenn
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What I learned from football…
Posted by crusaderjennblog in family, Football on February 3, 2015
…is that nearly everyone is a coach [Monday Morning Quarterbacks, you know who you are]. This is my final take-away from watching the entire season of games. Last Sunday’s Super Bowl ended my first complete NFL season of watching, following and learning. I’m obviously far from being an expert like you, but are not most of us who lack the history of EVER being an NFL coach? I posted to Facebook immediately following the Hawks loss to New England, something short – ‘Great game Hawks and Congrats Patriots,’ but couldn’t believe the feed posted relating to the Hawk’s losing the big game that demanded immediate termination of Pete Carroll. Those same individuals (guilty of Monday Morning quarterbacking) generously gave away what other play shoulda (should have) happened that coulda (could have) and woulda (would have) guaranteed a repeat of the Hawks winning another championship game last Sunday. [Apparently, I am surrounded by seers and clairvoyants.] Do you Monday Morning quarterbacks really think Coach Carroll failed to consider ALL the play options? It would seem a great many of you non-coaching experts like to coach from the sidelines of the social network. And since you are clearly clairvoyant, have some confidence in your abilities to foresee outcomes while also having the cojones to put your ability to use publicly so you can gain some credibility and so we can avoid the shoulda, coulda, woulda conversations in the future. Capisce? I’m just another fan (not a Monday morning or any other day of the week quarterback), who suggests that perhaps your lack of confidence in your own team assessments is more of an indication that you’re symptomatic for possibly being passive aggressive since you’re a heckler style of coach, rather than taking your team management and play concerns directly to the coach personally…
So should I suggest, “Shame on Mr. Carroll for failing to consider ALL the social network suggestions?” No, but then, I also really doubt that Pete Carroll suffers from any level of short-shortsightedness or he wouldn’t be allowed to continue coaching. Right? In several articles, Coach Carroll took full responsibility for making the call on what final play the Seahawks attempted. “I made the decision,” Carroll said. “I said, ‘Throw the ball,’ and we went with the play that we thought would give us a chance to get in the end zone. We had great match ups for the call that we made, and it didn’t work out. They made a better play than we did.” (O’Connor, ESPN, 2015) And Pete Carroll has the experience and credibility required as a paid coach to make that determination of which play to execute and when. The play didn’t win the game and that was disappointing, but the majority of us were NOT on the field next to him to offer our not-so-news-worthy insight and therefore, failed to see the ENTIRE picture of what lead to Coach Carroll’s determination.
I noticed that In addition to you Monday morning quarterbacks, apparently all you wannabe coaches are really coaches masquerading in a number of day-jobs, like entrepreneurs or working for ‘the man.’ Who would have thought that there are so many of these professionals who are really coaches in-disguise? But even more surprising was that some of these individuals have the time to successfully do so many jobs – your paid position, your football analysis position and then also act as an unpaid wannabe coach – in addition to having families. Wow! Y’all are setting the bar pretty high for simpletons like me who just want to be entertained watching a fantastic team who wants to win a game, but then I’m really just another fan who believes that those who are in the actual position of Coach – like Pete Carroll – he probably has the required qualifications to…well…Coach. So I propose instead of coaching from the sidelines like a heckler, confront the Hawk’s GM John Schneider and prove that you’re more qualified than the team’s current coach because your coaching expertise is clearly under-utilized as your wannabe coaching from a social network’s sidelines might indicate. Best of luck obtaining the position and I’ll look for your name on next season’s roster. Go Hawks!
If your ability as a clairvoyant suggested the majority of this was going to be sarcastic, congratulation for reading the obvious.
Do you also find Monday morning quarterbacks annoying? Please explain.
~Jenn
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Engaging with people is so much work
Posted by crusaderjennblog in debateable, health, Inspiration, Jesus on January 26, 2015
Friendships require work and openness. I’ve been very guarded where friendships are concerned because I have been open to a fault with a few who I believed were ‘safe’ only to regret sharing when I experienced their over-developed sense of superiority due to their own perfection, which apparently made it allowable for them to judge me. In WA, I had a smallish group of females I trusted with whom I’d go out for a girls night like for drinks and music or a movie, but upon our relocation to NV, I’ve been closed-off to making more friends. Knowing our time here is short-lived, I’ve failed to pursue making friends with anyone beyond an acquaintance level because my outlook has been, “We won’t be here long enough to make it worth the effort.” Shame on me. No, BIG SHAME ON ME and please forgive me for not bothering to be friends with you.
For many years when we committed to going-out with, for the purpose of cultivating friendships with other couples, we were always on time and to cancel last minute was never an option. Although we were consistently on the receiving end of other’s flakiness because for some and you know who you are, being a flake is a lifestyle choice. Emergencies happen and those are excusable, but failing to plan, “Our plans slipped my mind,” is NOT a reasonable excuse when you know the date of said plans. Maybe you commit, but by committing perhaps you should always provide this disclaimer, “I commit right now, but what I really mean is I’m selfish and I’ll cancel at the last possible moment never giving a thought to any arrangements you might make in the hope that I might show-up and grace you with my presence for the evening, when my regretful decline could have given you an opportunity to do something else,” is what you should say.
But then after some reflection of last year, I have clearly become a poster-child for flaky as I have became somewhat of a borderline agoraphobic. My home is my safe and happy place. I get up. I shower. I read my Bible and pray. I take care of our pets. I exercise. I bake goodies. I drink wine and even catalog it in my little black book of Wine Notes. I read books and I might play an Ap for fun on my iPad. I run errands as needed. These activities became MY own little self-created-safe-zone when I determined that 15 minutes from home is the furthest and safest acceptable distance I can be from home at any time. Our church’s small group fits that, but I’ve rarely attended any more.
Being budget-conscious and to save money, we quit using full-time air-conditioning and as a result, our home becomes suffocating hot during summer. If it’s 108 degrees outdoors, it’s around 87 indoors and multiply that if it’s humid. Just a touch hot and with MS, the heat renders me useless until the AC comes on for a couple of hours each morning and then again in the evening and when the AC comes on, I’m in recovery mode, which has been my ongoing excuse for not attending our small group except that now that we’re out of summer, there is no viable excuse for my non-attendance, which means that I evolved into what I detest and became a flake! Our small group from church started a new study last week and I attended, but came home feeling convicted for many things one of which seems to appear in red flashing bold letters, “Making excuses for not attending our small group when I can during these cooler months,” or was that flashing in red just for me?
So now that I’ve explained why I have become what I’ve become, I’m actively working to change my habits. It’s not a New Year’s resolution per se as my followers may have already read about in https://wordpress.com/post/81313185/142/ but I guess I’m reaching-out as a means of publicly recognizing I must stop my hermit-like habits, which also equates to fostering friendships and getting together for things like coffee or being friendly instead of remaining holed-up in a book or a game Ap. Step 1 was the easiest in recognizing I had a problem. It’s the next stuff that’ll present the biggest challenges for me because I can be very content with operating within my little world. Yes, I know it’s not healthy, but it’s comfortable and that’s become the biggest challenge for me with our new small group study: to go beyond my comfort-zone. I’ll keep you updated in how I fare through this what I suspect will be an uncomfortable process.
Do you have a comfort zone? Do you have a negative habit? Did you create a positive habit to replace your negative habit? Or how did you overcome it?
~Jenn
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But wait, there’s more!
Posted by crusaderjennblog in debateable, Faith, Inspiration, life, marriage on January 12, 2015
Oh the madness. It’s too frightening, dysfunctional, maybe even a bit entertaining to hear about this from my husband, B… Oh my poor husband… God clearly has reason for B working there probably because It takes a lot to rattle him and as you may recall, B is currently working for the Wannabe’s unorganized LED light company. You might also recall that OSHA is now involved and that they will be at the Wannabe’s office Wednesday to review the Wannabe’s permits, certifications (of which they have none) and to also interview current employees to understand if OSHA’s operation requirements are being met. The gentleman that was hired at the same time as B, quit today before noon as he’d had enough of the workplace insanity. My husband emailed me all of this during his lunch and said that Rinda is running around like a chicken sans head and desperately trying to make it B’s responsibility to locate the nonexistent document(s) that the Wannabes failed to obtain when they started their business almost five years ago. Remember, B was hired for sales. Well it seems that they’ve NEVER had or been required to have any of the necessary insurances or licenses or permits that are required for operating a business. Hmm, can you spell i-l-l-e-g-a-l?
I am guessing that after D suddenly quit this morning, everything will now fall to B and the unofficial employee/intern R to fix. Unless the owners can go back in time, they are in deep doo-doo. Coming from this company that knows only chaos and mismanagement, God opened the door for B to accept a new position that will begin next week. We are hoping and praying this will be the last and long-awaited position he must take before we move.
Bless D’s heart for sticking around as long as he did and I wish him the best.
.
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Panic, averted, not ave… , averted
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family on January 7, 2015
I received a call this morning pertaining to the fact that there would not be a shipment of my MS medication, although, as of yesterday afternoon, I would receive it Thursday. So, when the organization called again today and said there would be an indefinite delay for shipping me my medication, I panicked.
Jenn’s game plan: 1. Panic. 2. Panic more 3. Repeat. When Instead, this should always be my game plan:
However, I did successfully talk myself off of the ledge, took a deep breath and determined I needed a Peppermint Infused Mocha. So I made one. Peppermint Infused Mocha: Mix 1/8 cup half and half with 1/2 to 1 tbsp chocolate syrup, add 1 soft peppermint, then add 1 cup of hot coffee and stir until peppermint is nearly melted. Enjoy. And I did, but then I started to panic again. Peppermint Infused Mochas provide only a minimal level of distraction and comfort and after 4 of these this morning, I determined I should come-up with another game plan. That’s what Russell Wilson would do. But then my defeating thoughts started again… what if I don’t get my medicine this week? Will the delay in taking my injections cause my MS to again relapse? Will I end up in a wheelchair again? This is my ongoing problem: I go from zero to apocalyptic in 0.001 seconds. Until roughly two years ago, I was never a worrier because I took comfort in knowing that regardless of what I did, there were many things out of my control and back then I easily let-go of things and stepped aside for God to control.
It’s been interesting and eye-opening when I think back through recent years and review my decision-making where health is concerned. For the last decade, when fall arrived, I ALWAYS got a flu-shot. But last September, I put my tradition on hold as I questioned whether I was trusting God to keep me healthy or putting my trust in a vaccine. I know that God gives us common-sense and common-sense says to get a flu shot because rumor has it that the current flu-strain is awful. So I should get a shot. But considering we’re on a very tight budget, I shouldn’t get a flu-shot, but can I afford not to? Which says, get a flu-shot, but does that say that I don’t trust God with my health? But then, but this, but that, and the list goes on and I go back and forth. I fully understand that I still lack control of nearly everything, but here I am and as always I am an ongoing WIP (Work-In-Progress) to immerse myself completely in trusting God.
It’s become obvious to myself that I trusted God years ago to get me out of the wheelchair and he did that. Praise God for such a wonderful blessing, but I’m ashamed to admit that my trust is lacking with everything else, like getting us moved back to Washington and keeping our own little family and critters healthy. I’m also ashamed to admit that I have this mentality that because I was the recipient of such an amazing blessing when God allowed my health to improve so drastically, that I do not qualify for any additional blessings. But I know better than to think like that because we are promised in Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV that, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works so that no one can boast.”
Jesus dying on the cross, forgave what I did and what I will do as long as I confess. Grace is about what He did and that cannot ever be earned. When Jesus died on the cross for me and everyone else, that was never earned, but I still received that precious gift. Therefore, I have to believe that receiving healing was also not earned and that I just need to rest in peace that regardless of whatever challenges may come up for me or my family, his grace will sustain.
~Jenn
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Sisters, Sisters, there were never such devoted sisters
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family, growing-up, Jesus, life, lifestyle on December 30, 2014
Even with 5 years between us, my younger sister and I have a good relationship and I’ve missed her terribly for the past few years being 1000 miles away. Growing up we loved each other, although we fought as siblings do and made-up when my Mom always lectured, “She’s the only sister you’ll ever have.” When Jackie entered first grade many moons ago, at the same private school where I was, I didn’t hesitate to protect her from the line of boys pursuing her. Being older, I was my sister’s first line of defense against boys. She always remained picture-perfect in her dresses, unlike me. It took many years to finally see it, but when I did, I shook my head in disgust. Maybe at myself for obtaining less mud and grass stains on my clothes than the boys while we played red-rover-red-rover/softball/soccer-take your pick or perhaps it was with my Mom for having high expectations of me coming home spotless like Jackie. The most likely scenario for my Mom was recognizing that the countless hours she spent sewing together pieces of fabric to create beautiful dresses like the following were completely irrelevant to me.
As hard as I tried as a kid, this broad-shouldered girl was not demure and I found myself rather confused by all the pig-tailed girls like my sister who were. My goal at recess was to play and play hard, which included returning from recess with a sweaty red face, which equaled intense fun. If grass and mud-stains could be graded at a private school surrounded by acres of grass, I was the valedictorian. Grass stains on my dresses and holes in my tights were consistent. I remember my Mom being horrified when she discovered (after many months) that I came up with what I thought was a grand idea to wear shorts under my dresses and over my tights. For what? To prevent boys from seeing my Underoos when I flipped upside-down from or climbed on top of the Monkey Bars. While wearing a dress. Duh. Meanwhile, my sister likely spent recess with her friends picking dandelions and frolicking. Another pastime at recess was locating who was in trouble and was pounding the chalk out of the erasers at the end of the building because I discovered those little piles of chalk-dust were tasty, or maybe I thought that a saliva coated finger dipped in chalk dust tasted just like Fun Dip. Don’t judge. It’s no different than eating glue paste. I was a good kid and harmless, but I could find trouble or create it with some hair-brained ideas – like the self-made Fun (Chalk) Dip. While I was at school finding shenanigans, my sister was being her teacher’s pet and very helpful passing out things to her classmates or playing the ideal daughter at home as she played with her collection of Barbies.
Through it all, my sister and I survived. I mentioned Jackie’s survival also because I was almost five when Jackie was born and shortly after meeting my new sister, I attempted to help feed her a whole dinner-roll. My Mom caught me ‘helping’ my sister and found it in her heart to NOT cease my breathing-habit despite my misguided efforts to feed my baby-sister solids way too soon. I also ran over her on my bike – not to be mean, but she got in my way and I couldn’t stop quickly enough. Speaking of bikes, I think we were one of the last generations to ride bikes sans helmets. And lived to tell about it. I think we were also one of the last generations who got away with chewing ABC (Already Been Chewed) gum that we innocently discovered on the ground or found stuck to the underside of desks in school. Not to mention how many times lollipops were dropped on the ground, wiped-off and shoved back into our mouths. We survived. A little gravel in the diet was probably good for a colon-cleansing. I would insert an amusing Saturday Night Live parody commercial here for Quarry Breakfast Cereal, but it seems that all links are blocked for copyrighted material on YouTube. Even in the midst of our ignorance, I suspect our foolishness contributed to strengthening our immune systems and we didn’t even have antibacterial hand sanitizer. Yet, somehow we prevailed…
My sister and I could not be more different. I was athletic and therefore, a tom-boy She was and still remains a girly-girl, although with my precious niece and nephew in-tow, ruffles aren’t nearly as practical these days. I read her blog and I don’t want to say that I’m proud because I have no right to be, but I am impressed. She’s a busy stay-at-home-Mom with a six year-old and a two year-old in-tow, creating meal-plans, running a successful blog about life as a Wife and Mommy, that is filled with pictures of her family, creative projects, and dishes she’s made, which includes the recipes. Then there’s me who is not nearly as refined. Me caveman.
Dress-up!I have a great deal of wonderful memories that include Jackie – camping, putting-on shows for our parents with duds from our chest of props and accessories (wigs gowns, etc.), going to the theater to see The Lion King and being the Maid/Matron of Honor in each other’s weddings, scrap-booking… The list goes on and on, but obviously as much as we differ, we’re still bonded and have a great deal in common. I love my sister dearly and am grateful for our relationship.
Jenn
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We are not homeless
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith on December 23, 2014
As I reread my posts, I realized the last one over six months ago, I left hanging and failed to update some things like, did we move? And did we still have a home? The thing is, we were hanging by a thread with no clear path. And then, my husband managed to obtain a position. That was so God. That we had no answers and miracle upon miracles, I mentioned before that God is never late and He’s always, always on time. And God provided just when my husband’s unemployment ran out. The position was not what I would call ideal because of the graveyard hours and the part of town where one of the work-sites was located, but it was legal, paid the bills and ensured we could remain in our home.
And then another answer to prayer… Earlier in the year, my husband applied for a sales position, but never heard from the company again after they initially called. Then, months later in late October, he finally heard from them again. He interviewed, was offered a job and started the second week of November. The timing of that additional answer to prayer was incredible. The graveyard position he worked ensured a crappy sleep schedule in addition to requiring that he remain on his feet the entire shift. My husband had injured his knee playing soccer a couple of years ago and even after surgery, his mobility never returned to what it once was, so being on his feet nonstop, even with decent shoes, was taking it’s tole. His increasing knee pain and lack of sleep were making him weary and he mentioned filing for disability. And right after that, he got the call to interview with the company where he works currently. God’s timing is perfect. And because it is not a regionally based sales position, he should be able to take the job with him when we’re hoping to move north next spring. Yay!
With each challenge, God has provided, but I like to have my plans and to-do lists mapped-out ahead of time and with great specificity, so this waiting for answers process has been brutal on my psyche because of that whole inner-control-freak issue that I battle with for dominance consistently. More than anything through this process of waiting to plan, God keeps telling me, “Not now, Jenn.” And yet, here I am continuing to attempt to control things. I have this perception that God must shake his head as he looks at me, “There Jenn goes again and why doesn’t she just rest in My peace? She’d be a lot more comfortable. That girl is a walking panic-attack.” As hard as I try to just let God be God, I feel I must prepare and think ahead. And what that says is that I don’t trust God to take care of things so I’m going to take care of it myself.
I get it. I really do and this year has been such a massive challenge for my faith. I had written about my experience years ago as I prayed for, hoped and waited for healing and my current set of circumstances is similar in that I MUST WAIT. In my head, I keep hearing the childhood song, “He’s got the whole world in his hands, he’s got the whole world in his hands…” and I’ve gained some much-needed comfort from reciting those words as I’ve found myself doubting if God can handle this. Shame on me for even questioning him because I’ve seen and experienced the blessing of God’s healing power, his healing in my marriage, his ongoing provision for family and friends and yet I still have the audacity to question him. Really, Lord? Can you handle getting us back to Washington? And as I replay those song lyrics in my head, I get a resounding, “Yes. Now be still!” I am an ongoing work in progress and I’m prayerful that one of these days soon, the relationship I once had with my Creator will get back to where it was. Back then, I was consistently at peace with everything instead of allowing the inconsequential crap of life to provide interference…
Joseph and Mary had less than ideal surroundings as they journeyed to Bethlehem on a donkey while she was pregnant only to give birth in a stable, but it was fine, as the Lord provided what they needed and as He kept them safe and protected. Neither of them obtained a memo about Gods’s plan and the simplicity of God bringing the savior of the world to a manger causes me shame and I’m embarrassed of my lofty expectations. Who am I? Thank you, Lord for the gift of your Son and for keeping things in perspective.
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