Posts Tagged wine
Learning Humility
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, family, Grace, Inspiration, Living with Living with Multiple Sclerosis, Relapsing Remitting MS, Uncategorized on November 10, 2016
Over the course of twenty-two years with MS and its retrogression through abilities like my choice to temporarily give-up driving at the tender age of 27, only to again be able to reclaim it a few years later -albeit with some hesitance, #loveindependencebutIvalueyoursafetytoo, and then the need to self-catheterize in public restrooms #hateunsanitarybutnecessary was mandatory because when you gotta go, always go with confidence. And then there was the necessity of needing walking help with a cane or walker and dealing with the loud and ignorant judgmental heckler’s (stangers) comments, let’s call a spade a spade, #grumpyoldcodgers being bullies simply jealous I obtained the last handi-capable parking spot, or the accusations that I “faked” using various devices for good parking, but the most influential, yet one of the most difficult to accept component was accepting rides to appointments from well-meaning #friends and #family.
These were all contributors that #God used to help me absorb the much-needed lessons of being humble. #lessonoffaith Thank you, Lord for being patient with me. #godnevergivesuponus Thank you also to friends for your help and thank you, #Jesus for teaching me to learn to simply appreciate a friendly act of service. I don’t recall just who interrupted me in one of my misguided tirades about people boosting their own egos to offer to “help the cripple.” Was I that bad? I know it’s hard to believe, but yes, Jenn is #stubborn, and I was likely worse than I imagined because it was in my head that I believed most people were fake.
And I often revert to speaking about myself in third-person when I get frustrated. #oldhabitsdiehard To mentally turn each offer to help, into an ego boost for themselves. A lesson I’ve been learning is to accept things at #facevalue instead of trying to read between the lines for some (but likely not there) hidden meaning. Talk about being a mental-case. I might most definitely resemble that. Ever heard, ” When you worry about what others think of you, you’d be surprised how little they do.” Whoa. So as much as I think people want to make me feel a certain way, they don’t. I ultimately control how I feel and most people have better things to do than manipulate ways to be condescending. Again-whoa. Jenn’s learned it’s much easier to believe an offer is sincere. If it’s not, that is not my problem because I should not be required to further analyze anything.
I detested being required to depend on others to #chauffeur me to doctor appointments, and because of the increasing menu of my many worsening #relapsingremittingMS issues, there were many of those to see various specialists like a speech pathologist to assess learning to speak again, a physical therapist to help me re-learn to walk, a urologist to learn how to safely #catheterize in an emergency, just to name a few things. Because of the many basic abilities I had taken for granted, the lesson to give-up stuff and be forced to accept and later embrace a new practice in order to get what I needed was somewhat lengthy. You can imagine teaching an old dog mule-like human some new tricks.
Yes, those first couple of years being disabled before turning 30, even I was a pain. You better believe it. I was that old dog. #stubbornasamule Although it probably took longer than was necessary since I was so resistant to accepting help for so long, but once this girl got-it, it became easier and easier to just say, “Yes, I appreciate your offer to help and thank you very much. What day would be best for you?” Another challenging situation was when people offered to buy or prepare us a meal, drop it off and expect nothing in return. Because of my limp and gimpiness, I am a klutz and when I shattered my ankle seven times slipping on the driveway in ’07, several brought us meals. Again, thank you for helping in a big way. But, I very very briefly got back in the mode of analyzing people instead of just saying, “Thank you,” but then quickly realized this was a meal I could in no way prepare for B #husband #love before he came home from work. The moral of the story is accept someone’s offer to help and don’t forget to say thank you and send a thank you note. Those became my new rules. Much easier. And no further analyzing. Whew! This girl’s brain needs a rest. But today, I’m asking for grace while I’m getting the I-V full of #MS treatment as I try to coherently share my thoughts. Thank you in advance.
Speaking of friends, there’s a generous couple from #church who have offered to provide dinner for us as I go through this #Lemtrada #MS treatment. Thank you to friends like this who “get-it.” Instead of of putting the responsibility on us to, “Just let you know if we need anything.” This couple called yesterday and asked if they could bring us dinner tonight. As a matter of fact, that is precisely how such an offer should happen. Those are the best kind. It’s humbling that people would do this for us. It might seem silly that I really cannot do much, but I cannot go anywhere or even try to exercise while the I-V is attached so here I am several hours a day getting treatment. Maybe compare it to being on a long flight, sitting several hours and also being at the doctor’s office for vitals monitoring.
💙💚💙 GO HAWKS! 💙💚💙
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Let’s talk about intentions
Posted by crusaderjennblog in Faith, marriage on February 5, 2015
Merriam Webster’s website (2015) defines intention as a noun and “something you aim to do” or a “purpose.” I believe that most people hope and aim to do their best and make intentions / commitments accordingly, therefore one might say that, “They had the best INTENTIONS.” I occasionally hear and read emails from or about people admitting to an event or something they intended to do, but obviously failed since the word was in the past-tense. Failed intentions are quickly given a pass because that wasn’t their, let’s say it together, INTENTION. The word is over-used and loosely-used to excuse an over-commitment (lie) / bad behavior or a failure. Now I’m confident that there are a great many who will call me judgmental and say I lack tolerance of people’s situations and go on to say that I must be perfect, blah, blah blah… I am far from perfection, but as a Christian, I try to do better than the day before and never over-commit. I was once one of those obtuse folks who over-committed and later canceled last-minute because I had the best of intentions to participate in making some donated goodies, for example, or however I committed only to later realize I committed to an activity in which I aimed to participate, that I really never had any intention of being involved. Okay, now get over yourself because you wouldn’t be that defensive if you weren’t also guilty of this.
At one time, I intended / committed to make cookies every Sunday for our old church. It was a small church and I needed to make only seven dozen cookies, which I often made every Saturday-night for the next morning. Considering how much I love baking, it was a very small act of service, but there came a point a few months later after doing this every weekend when I became bored and would cancel because I just didn’t feel like baking. Granted I had health issues that were becoming a contributing factor in this, but I should have resigned from my commitment ahead of time instead of being proud and stubborn. I spoke with someone about this and Mickey pointed out to me that intentions can go either way – we either do what we committed to do or we intend to not follow-through. When he further explained that it’s either/or or pass/fail, my eyes were opened more widely because I think like many, we think our intentions outweigh outcomes. But they do not.
About intentions in marriage…
Commitments / intentions should be as solid as your marriage vows and upheld. You make a commitment to your spouse and you should do whatever you have to to make sure you do not fail. Obviously, emergencies happen and must be accommodated, but a commitment remains a commitment. Over recent months this has become somewhat of a thing in my marriage. We’re working on 19 years together, but it’s been fairly consistent during only the last couple of years that B’s intentions to do something for me have some sort of ‘optional’ clause to not follow-through, perhaps? It is a bit hurtful, I admit, but because he intended to follow-through, I think he thinks that he should receive points for the intention, I guess? Now these broken commitments are small in the grand scheme and are not by any means divorce-worthy. However, it remains hurtful that I might have become somewhat of a sacrifice, as he makes sure he follows-through with each commitment beyond us. Perhaps he doesn’t want to appear a flake among coworkers or peers?
It’s interesting that people have such varying perspectives on intentions with spouses. For one individual, an intention to a spouse is as good as a signed contract and they will move mountains to ensure the intention/commitment remains unbroken, but for another, who sees their spouse as ‘just my husband’ or ‘just my wife,’ they have given themselves the option to fail [Stop taking your spouse for granted!], when it should be the complete opposite as they should elevate their spouse’s importance instead of diminishing it. Commitments to a spouse to fix an appliance or prepare a platter of goodies for coworkers or whatever the task is should be more important than commitments to non-spouses since you’re married to one and only work with or for another. I’ve never understood those who say things like that because essentially, they have lessened their spouses role and therefore their spouse’s value. Many years ago, I attended a work-related event with my husband and when his boss walked-up and asked who I was, I smiled and said, “I’m just B’s wife, Jennifer.” B’s boss responded with, “Hmm, you mean you ARE his wife and not just his wife…” That might have been eye-opening for me because there I was speaking condescendingly about myself.
Now, I must explain that my husband is NOT a monster. I think at times his focus gets wrapped-up in whatever project has his attention and that he doesn’t see the looming ‘something’s got to give’ warning sign up ahead. Unfortunately, that something is most often me because typically I am an understanding wife I attempt to be an understanding wife. I suspect there might be a few others in a similar situation and am curious how you address a concern with your spouse or do you prefer to avoid it? What is your best approach? What is your coping-mechanism? I like wine, which may or may not be relevant in this situation, but I believe that I just stumbled upon another blog-post idea…
~Jenn
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Engaging with people is so much work
Posted by crusaderjennblog in debateable, health, Inspiration, Jesus on January 26, 2015
Friendships require work and openness. I’ve been very guarded where friendships are concerned because I have been open to a fault with a few who I believed were ‘safe’ only to regret sharing when I experienced their over-developed sense of superiority due to their own perfection, which apparently made it allowable for them to judge me. In WA, I had a smallish group of females I trusted with whom I’d go out for a girls night like for drinks and music or a movie, but upon our relocation to NV, I’ve been closed-off to making more friends. Knowing our time here is short-lived, I’ve failed to pursue making friends with anyone beyond an acquaintance level because my outlook has been, “We won’t be here long enough to make it worth the effort.” Shame on me. No, BIG SHAME ON ME and please forgive me for not bothering to be friends with you.
For many years when we committed to going-out with, for the purpose of cultivating friendships with other couples, we were always on time and to cancel last minute was never an option. Although we were consistently on the receiving end of other’s flakiness because for some and you know who you are, being a flake is a lifestyle choice. Emergencies happen and those are excusable, but failing to plan, “Our plans slipped my mind,” is NOT a reasonable excuse when you know the date of said plans. Maybe you commit, but by committing perhaps you should always provide this disclaimer, “I commit right now, but what I really mean is I’m selfish and I’ll cancel at the last possible moment never giving a thought to any arrangements you might make in the hope that I might show-up and grace you with my presence for the evening, when my regretful decline could have given you an opportunity to do something else,” is what you should say.
But then after some reflection of last year, I have clearly become a poster-child for flaky as I have became somewhat of a borderline agoraphobic. My home is my safe and happy place. I get up. I shower. I read my Bible and pray. I take care of our pets. I exercise. I bake goodies. I drink wine and even catalog it in my little black book of Wine Notes. I read books and I might play an Ap for fun on my iPad. I run errands as needed. These activities became MY own little self-created-safe-zone when I determined that 15 minutes from home is the furthest and safest acceptable distance I can be from home at any time. Our church’s small group fits that, but I’ve rarely attended any more.
Being budget-conscious and to save money, we quit using full-time air-conditioning and as a result, our home becomes suffocating hot during summer. If it’s 108 degrees outdoors, it’s around 87 indoors and multiply that if it’s humid. Just a touch hot and with MS, the heat renders me useless until the AC comes on for a couple of hours each morning and then again in the evening and when the AC comes on, I’m in recovery mode, which has been my ongoing excuse for not attending our small group except that now that we’re out of summer, there is no viable excuse for my non-attendance, which means that I evolved into what I detest and became a flake! Our small group from church started a new study last week and I attended, but came home feeling convicted for many things one of which seems to appear in red flashing bold letters, “Making excuses for not attending our small group when I can during these cooler months,” or was that flashing in red just for me?
So now that I’ve explained why I have become what I’ve become, I’m actively working to change my habits. It’s not a New Year’s resolution per se as my followers may have already read about in https://wordpress.com/post/81313185/142/ but I guess I’m reaching-out as a means of publicly recognizing I must stop my hermit-like habits, which also equates to fostering friendships and getting together for things like coffee or being friendly instead of remaining holed-up in a book or a game Ap. Step 1 was the easiest in recognizing I had a problem. It’s the next stuff that’ll present the biggest challenges for me because I can be very content with operating within my little world. Yes, I know it’s not healthy, but it’s comfortable and that’s become the biggest challenge for me with our new small group study: to go beyond my comfort-zone. I’ll keep you updated in how I fare through this what I suspect will be an uncomfortable process.
Do you have a comfort zone? Do you have a negative habit? Did you create a positive habit to replace your negative habit? Or how did you overcome it?
~Jenn
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